Page 245 of The Ascended
I knew I was being a hypocrite. I had promised him one night where we could forget everyone else. But that night had embedded itself beneath my skin, rooting deeper with each glimpse of vulnerability I witnessed when he was with his family—the cracks that appeared as he struggled to be what he was raised to be, rather than who he truly was.
"Stop, Thais."
"Even if it's not what you want. It's what you'll do. And I understand that. You’ve been honest about that from day one. But it doesn’t change the fact that this is the reality we findourselves in." I forced myself to meet his gaze. "We both know how this ends. You'll marry her to confirm Davina’s allegiance. And we'll pretend whatever’s left between us is enough until it destroys us both. It’s not sustainable."
"So, your solution was to die before we could find out?" The words scraped from his throat.
"My solution was revenge. It was always revenge." My voice cracked under the weight of the truth. "You're the one who complicated things."
"Me?" He moved closer. "You walked into my domain, challenged me at every turn, made me feel—" He stopped, jaw clenching.
"Oh, don’t hold back now, Warden." I demanded.
"Everything." The word ripped out of him. "You made me feel everything. Purposefully. I don’t let people in, Thais, you know this. Not like this. Not like you. And then I discover you were always planning to die.”
"Like you weren't? Like this isn't temporary for you too?" My hands pressed against his chest.
"Nothing about you has ever felt temporary to me." His voice dropped to a whisper. "That's the problem."
"Don't." I shook my head. "Don't say things you can't mean."
"Why? Because it's easier if we're both liars?" His hands covered mine. "I resent you. I resent that you made me need you. I resent that you were ready to die without a second thought about what that would do to me. I resent that even now, knowing all of this, I can't make myself stop wanting you."
And there it was.
I’d never felt this peculiar mixture of rage and longing, irritation and desire. Never wanted to simultaneously slap someone and pull them closer. It was maddening. "I hate it. I hate that you have this power over me. I still?—"
"Still what?" he pressed.
"Isn’t it obvious, Xül? I still fucking want you too. Somehow, throughout all of this."
"I need you to forgive me, Thais." He ran a hand down his face. “Tomorrow is coming whether we like it or not, and I can’t go into it thinking you hate me.”
“I can’t do that right now,” I admitted quietly. “We’ve hurt each other too much at this point.”
“You don’t mean that.” Xül looked as if I’d slapped him. “This—us. We can fix this.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“This divide—its all based around this fucking resistance. The secrets. The lies. The obligations.” He shook his head. “I’ve never chosen myself. But what if I did? What if for once, I did?”
I just stared at him, heart thundering in my chest. He couldn’t mean that.
"Let's get back to the Bone Spire," I said finally, needing to escape this conversation. "I need to?—"
"Run away?" He stepped back, giving me space, but his eyes remained fixed on mine. "By all means, Thais."
The words stung because they were true.
Chapter 58
The Tapestry of Fates
The antechamber feltwrong the moment we arrived. The last Trial was finally here.
Mist swirled around our feet, forming patterns that made my eyes water when I stared too long. Fractured mirrors lined the walls. The fourth trial. It had finally come.
"This place gives me the creeps," Marx muttered, pressing closer to my side.
