Page 83 of Riftborne
Ma reached into the box, digging into the dirt with her hands. She pulled out a dusty, violet-blue crystal. I recognized it immediately as arcanite from the way light seemed to glow within it. But this stone seemed brighter and more intense than I remembered.
“This is supposed to help them grow,” Ma said, dusting off the surface of the crystal. She tossed it onto her desk and sunk her head into her hand.
“I don’t understand either,” I murmured, careful not to upset her even further. “When will the rare plants trader be back in Luminaria?” I asked.
“Not for another six months,” she said flatly, slumping into her desk. I could feel her irritation. I hated this feeling, like I was walking on eggshells around Ma. The Apothecary felt so different now. A home away from home that had once brought me so much peace and security now made my anxiety flare up in violent waves. I couldn’t help but laugh at how much had changed in such little time. Was it possible that I found more comfort in theCompoundof all places?
I loved Ma so much. That hadn’t changed. But her disapproval of my decisions was beginning to take its toll. I didn’t know how many more of her scowls I could tolerate.
The pressure from the Guard was enough on its own. And there was so much more… My priorities had taken on a new alignment. One of those wasprotectingher, and Osta, and the entirety of Luminaria for that matter. Even if I couldn’t tell anyone about it.
I tried my best to stay focused on the distillations that Ma tasked me with, but my mind continued to wander. This seemed so inconsequential in comparison to the threats that were brewing in the West. My thoughts were spinning with shadows, Wraiths, and darkness.
I managed to grind about half of the herbs needed for a particular tonic Ma was crafting when I noticed the sun looming halfway over the horizon. I needed to get out of here, or I’d be late for training. I would just have to finish tomorrow.
I began storing away the powder when I felt Ma approach from behind. She peered over my shoulder.
“Fia, I really need all ten bottles done before you leave. They’re picking up the order later today. You know my hands are too shaky to get them to the right texture.”
“I’m really sorry Ma, but I can’t be late to training. My body cannot handle the extra sprints.” I bit my lip, cautiously eyeing her reaction as I continued to gather my things.
“Fia, please, I really needed this done. If you hadn’t been staring off into space all day, you would have finished with plenty of time to spare,” she said coldly.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” I stated, trying to control my tone.
“Yeah, that’s your constant state of being these days. I don’t even recognize you.” Ma threw up her hands, gesturing towards my appearance. “You don’t even wear your work uniform anymore. I only see you in this,” she spat. “Just another reminder of the mindless puppet you’re being molded into.”
Rage flared at her accusation, and a realization washed over me. Ma and I had once been one in the same, and that used to make me happy. She used to make me feel like I wasn’t so alone. But now, the truth crept into my blood like a poison.
Although she didn’t do it intentionally, Ma fed into my greatest fears and weaknesses to keep me safe, to keep me out of harm's way. But all it really did was hold me back. So much of my life had changed for the better since joining the Guard. But maybe she would never see that.
“I was a ticking time bomb and a danger to everyone around me.Thiswas the only way. I’m no puppet. I am finally able to be who I am meant to be without fear and anxiety. I am stronger, more confident. Don’t you want that for me?” I pleaded. I needed her to understand. Desperation clung to my skin like sweat.
“Your decision makes no sense to me, Fia! This change happened so quickly. And there seems to be no good explanation! You’re throwing your life away. I can’t bear the thought of youdying for the Guard. Do you know what that would do to me?” Ma shouted, frustration lacing her expression.
I paused. I could tell her... I could finally tell her the truth about the Grove. About what I had done to Bekha and Jordaan, but everything inside me was revolting. Telling her would be worse. It was better this way. I couldn’t bear the thought of her looking at me with that fear from before. I’d rather she hated me for something she didn’t understand.
“Ma, I can’t explain it, but I’m a part of something now. I can be useful. I can help protect the people I love instead of being a danger to them. I don’t take any of this lightly.” Tears welled in my eyes. The words tumbled out, but I knew they would make no difference.
She paused for a moment, and then clicked her tongue.
“It seems their ways have burrowed too deeply into your mind. You’re radicalized. You can’t even see reason anymore, Fia. You’re a stranger.” She shook her head, sighing.
“I’m done having this conversation with you over and over. You need to accept my decision–”
“Or what?” Ma hissed. Her eyes were now flickering with flames.
“Or I’ll have no choice but to remove myself from this situation.” I tried to keep my voice strong, but I couldn’t help the crack that sounded at the finality of my words.
I knew how much that would hurt her. After losing her brother to the Guard, I knew she would think I was doing the same thing. Abandoning her.
Ma huffed a sarcastic laugh and turned away from me.
“By all means, Fia. Run off to yourfaction. Don’t do me any more favors. You clearly don’t want to be here anymore.”
“I’m not Miguel.” My voice was just above a whisper.
Her eyes flew back to me, and I saw the hurt inside them, burning across her irises.
