Page 103 of The Crush of Christmas Past
Even in the dimness, her eyes shimmer like pools of liquid gold. She watches me in silence, bearing the worst of me without blinking.
“You wouldn’t remember—our paths rarely crossed back then—but my teenage years weren’t a good time for me. They were even worse for anyone around me.” I clench my teeth. “I had no clue how to hold happiness without breaking it. It felt safer to sabotage the peace than believe I deserved it. Easier to cut love down before it had a chance to tear me apart.”
Shit. Things are getting away from me, veering down a dark path.
I hadn’t set out to bury Isla under the covers and bleed my past out on her.
Yet…
The words keep coming. Tumbling out with no end in sight.
“The night of my high school graduation, when Graham collapsed in the driveway…” On a hard swallow, I force back the acid climbing up my throat. “I was being a dick. As usual. Snapping, deflecting. And still—” My voice cracks. “He called out to me. Not Asher. Not Willow. Or the twins. He trusted me enough to bet his life on it. And what did I do?”
Wrenching my hand from her mouth, I ball it into a fist between us. “I failed him.” The truth tastes sour on my tongue. “Just stood there and watched him suffer. A useless, frozen coward.”
Isla presses a soft kiss to my knuckles. “But youdidsave him. Graham always brags about it.”
“Eventually.” The memory flays me on its way out. “As he fought for his life, mine flashed before my eyes. And it was so…hollow. Meaningless. In that moment, I realized how far I was from the man I wanted to be.”
Shame rips through me, but I make myself meet her eyes.
I want her to see it. All of it.
“So yeah, I acted. Not fast enough, though. For every heartbeat I wasted…” I drag in a breath that snags in my chest. “He’ll have to take a pill for the rest of his life.”
Five seconds. Five pills a day.
Regret that will follow me to the grave.
“It took years to break out of the darkness. Years to burn the poison out of my blood. Years to peel off the armor I’d welded to my skin. Years of failing before I finally tore enough rot from inside myself to earn the Thorne name.”
Her fingers slip into my hair. She combs through it slowly, repeating the motion until it dawns on me that the tables have turned and she’s the one petting me now.
Somehow, I don’t feel ashamed of needing it.
I feel…worthy.
“That’s why I didn’t hesitate when Asher asked me to help his best friend,” I say, closing my eyes. “He needed me. I wanted to be there. Be more. And eventually…” My forehead tips to Isla’s, and I draw a deep inhale of her scent, lodging her calming sweetness into my lungs. “I wanted to be more for you, too.”
“You were,” Isla whispers. “Youare.”
Her lips brush mine in a featherlight kiss, then drift to the space between my brows. She lingers as if trying to ease thetension carved into the muscle before pressing her mouth to the pulse at my temple. The curve where my nose meets my cheekbone follows, and the gentleness of the touch makes my lungs malfunction.
At the edge of my jaw, she drags her tongue over the rough scrape of day-old stubble. A soundless groan vibrates in my chest when she finds the hollow of my throat, tracing the frantic beat there with slow, unhurried licks. Sharp, raw want spirals through me as she trails lower, her teeth scraping over each nipple. She settles at the center of my chest, matching the rhythm of my heart kiss for kiss.
Despite the fire burning in my blood and the heat pouring over my skin, I stay still, letting her map me with her mouth for as long as she wants.
When she finally comes up for air, she frames my face with both hands. Our eyes meet in a gravitational void.
Part fall, part flight.
All surrender.
Isla’s arms hook around my neck, tugging me in and over until I’m directly above her, caged by the tight press of her thighs.
It’s easy now. Familiar.
My body already knows the way back to hers.
