Page 49 of Adrift in Iceland
‘I think you’re confusing me with being a sailor. A fisherman isn’t at home enough to keep everything like that. But then that helped keep things tidy. Now I’m at home more… or I was,’ he grinned at her. ‘It’s not that tidy.’
‘I don’t mind. You don’t need to tidy up for me. I want to see it exactly as it is.’
He chuckled and shook his head. ‘Well, that’s not happening. I might need to retract the offer.’
She snuggled into his side, and he put his arm around her shoulders. It was the best feeling ever. She felt happier than she had ever remembered and never thought that would be because of a man. Finally, she realised what it had been like for Gudrun when she’d met Olafur. She understood the looks that passed between them even now, years later, and that scared her a little, because that was love. Was that what this was with Leifur? Love? It couldn’t be. More importantly, she couldn’t let it be, because it would be heartbreaking to leave him after the summer. They needed to keep things light, keephaving fun without getting too serious. If she was starting to feel like she belonged in his arms, if his embrace was the one place in the world where she felt like she’d come home, it would make everything harder when she had to say goodbye.
‘Why don’t you stay at yours for a couple of nights?’
He frowned. ‘Really? So I can tidy my house for you?’
‘No. I meant it when I said you don’t need to. But maybe it’s a good idea since we’re starting the tours. We need to focus on that. And we both need some sleep.’
‘Okay,’ he said, shrugging.
Her suggestion had ruined the mood between them, and she felt guilty because on some level she’d done that intentionally. It was self-preservation. She needed to be more careful, and being together every night, as if they lived together, wasn’t the way to guard her heart. Moving out of Gudrun’s was deliberate, so that she could be independent and enjoy living in Reykjavik on her own terms and she had lost sight of that.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘What for? It’s a sensible suggestion.’
But Astrid felt as if she’d spoiled it before they’d even started. Being in a relationship wasn’t something she was used to navigating, and clearly she wasn’t very good at it.
‘Hey,’ she pulled his hand to stop him walking. When he looked at her, he had sad eyes, and it was like a punch to her gut. “Stay with me every night,” was what she almost said, but it was too late to turn that around and anyway, now she’d decided, she knew it was the right thing to do. Both of them being tired on the first day wasn’t an option. ‘It’s just for a couple of days. We’ll be exhausted and probably not great company for each other. Let’s give ourselves a break from having to talk to anyone, at least overnight.’ She hoped it sounded lighthearted, and it elicited a half-smile from Leifur.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, wrapping his arms around her. ‘We don’t have to spend every night with each other. That would be ridiculous.’
‘It would be wonderful, but we can work up to it.’ She reached up and kissed him.
‘Come on, I want to make it to the lighthouse this side of midnight.’
21
DESPITE BEING SECRETLY devastated when Astrid suggested a couple of nights apart, Leifur had been grateful for his own bed. He’d tossed and turned, worrying about anything and everything that could go wrong on the first day of the tours. Would they see any whales? Would the weather be favourable? How was it going to be with Eva on the boat when she hadn’t been part of the trial run?
But mostly he was thinking about why Astrid wanted to spend a few nights apart. Perhaps she’d had a hunch he’d be like this and wanted to steer clear, wanting a good night’s sleep herself. Deep down he knew that there was more to it, but they’d been so honest with each other. If she was having second thoughts, he was sure she’d tell him after they’d been open about it being just for the summer.
Except he didn’t want it to end. By the end of the summer, he hoped that they’d be in too deep to think about ending it. It was unfair of him, knowing her reasons for putting an expiry date on their relationship, but spending the past two weeks with her had made him selfish. He wanted her like he’d never wanted anyone before, and it seemed stupid to put something as amazing as that in jeopardy because Astrid was hoping for a future that didn’t exist yet. But then heremembered that the best things about her were her passion, drive and her impressive knowledge. Who was he to undermine her passion for her career by tempting her to stay here with him and letting all her hard work go to waste working on a tourist boat?
Something had happened yesterday to make Astrid feel she needed to pull away, and Leifur wasn’t sure whether finding out what it was would make him feel better or worse. Over the course of the afternoon they’d got back to normal, assisted by the sea air and a pit stop at the Kvika foot bath, a circular pool hewn out of the rock where a weary walker could soak their feet in the hot spring water, and they’d fallen back into how it had been before Astrid had said anything. He didn’t believe that she was worried about how much sleep they’d get, but maybe she’d changed her mind about it all and didn’t want to say in case it made it awkward working on the boat together.
After realising at four in the morning that he wasn’t going to get back to sleep, he got up, showered, dressed and ate the overnight oats he’d left in the fridge the night before while he checked the weather. It looked okay. They might have some rain, but nobody would mind that once they had their weatherproof suits on. Out of habit, he packed a bag with a spare set of clothes just as he would if he’d been going out fishing, then pulled his coat on and drove to Reykjavik.
He arrived at the harbour as dawn broke. The clouds hanging over the mountains to the north were a sure sign that they were in for some rain later on. After he’d done his usual checks, he went down to the galley to make some coffee, looking forward to having an hour to himself to unwind before Astrid and Eva arrived and he had to be in charge of everything.
‘Morning.’
He turned to find Astrid standing in the doorway. She wasdressed in plenty of close-fitting layers, and her hair was plaited intricately around her head.
‘Hey. Coffee?’
‘Buns?’ She held up a cardboard box.
‘Are those from Sandholt?’ The bakery on Laugavegur did the most amazing brown sugar buns and iced cinnamon buns, and he’d bet that Astrid had plumped for one or the other.
‘How do you know that? The box is plain.’
‘I’ve had enough take-outs from there over the years to know.’
