Page 31 of Adrift in Iceland
‘See? You can’t even deny it. Come on then, tell me what happened.’
Despite thinking that the episode in the wheelhouse was something she’d keep close to her heart, Astrid found herself sharing the whole story — if you could call it that — with Gudrun. As she told her how she had leant into him, she surprised herself by how dreamy she felt about the whole thing.
‘I can’t explain it, and I’m not in love with him, but I do like him.’
‘And did he kiss you goodbye?’
Astrid shook her head. ’That would have been weird.’ But she’d been disappointed that he hadn’t. All that had happened was that they’d been in very close proximity to each other for a while. Except in her heart, it was more than that even though she knew he might not have the same feelings for her. He might have thought they were just cosying up in the wheelhouse since they were the only twoon the boat and it was a fairly choppy sea. It was ridiculous to have expected that might lead to a goodbye kiss. They were colleagues. Friends.
‘When will you see him again?’
‘I don’t know. I suppose when we’re sorting out the boat over the next week or so?’
Gudrun scooped some risotto onto a teaspoon and held it out for Astrid to taste.
She blew on it and then tasted it. ‘It’s ready. Delicious.’
‘Aren’t you desperate to see him?’
Yes, she wanted to say. Desperate to be held by him properly. His arms wrapped around her so she could feel his whole embrace. ‘No. I’m not going to force anything. It’s a busy time for him, getting everything up and running. We’ll just see what happens. Shall I dish some up for Olafur?’
‘Yes, please. He’ll be in soon.’
The two of them sat at the table. Astrid wondered whether to wait until Olafur got back from work before she announced she was moving into her own place but then thought better of it.
’So you know Jonas offered me a contract for the summer.’
‘Mmm hmm,’ said Gudrun through a mouthful of rice.
‘Since it’s more money than I thought I’d make, I can afford to rent my own place.’
‘Why would you pay when you can stay here for free?’
It was a perfectly reasonable question, and it somewhat took the wind out of her sails. She hadn’t expected Gudrun to be calm and reasonable, but then neither of them were teenagers anymore. She had to remember that.
‘I love it here, you know that, but I’ve never had a place of my own here. I’ve never had anywhere that I’ve chosen. And now that Reykjavik is starting to feel like home again, I want to feel like I’m really living here. And I love staying with you, but it feels more like being on holiday.’
‘That makes sense,’ said Gudrun. ‘I get staff discount at Snug.’
‘My new place is mostly white, so I do need to break that up a bit.’
‘You’ve already found somewhere?’
Astrid nodded sheepishly.
‘Oh, As. I would have loved to house hunt with you.’
‘I know, but it was the only place I looked at. I emailed the agent, and they called and asked if I could see it straight away, so I did. There wasn’t any time to tell you.’
Gudrun looked glum for a minute or so, then she said, ‘Can I help you choose things?’
‘Of course you can. I have no idea what looks good, and I definitely want some scented candles.’
‘I don’t want you to move out, but I’m happy you’re feeling at home here. I always felt as if you didn’t want to be here when you visited before.’
Astrid had always felt like a stranger when she’d come home. It felt like so long since she’d lived here, and being away while her sister was busy growing up, becoming an adult and being in a serious relationship had always made Astrid feel as if she’d missed out on too much to catch up with. As if the distance between her and her family was increasing with each visit home.
‘It wasn’t that at all. Every time I came back, things had changed so much while I was away, it felt like I was being left behind.’
