Page 69 of Adrift in Iceland
‘No. If anything, the thought of not being together anymore has made me realise how much I love you.’
For her to say she loved him now made it bittersweet to hear. He put a hand on the back of her neck and gently pulled her to him, kissing her tenderly, moving from her lips to her neck.
‘Leifur… this will make it harder.’
‘It’ll be hard anyway.’
She answered him by tipping her head back and accepting the kisses that he dropped onto her neck. This wasn’t going to make it harder. But if it did, he was willing to take the risk for the extra time together. More time to remind him he could beloved, even if the love wasn’t strong enough to triumph.
They found each other’s lips, switching from soft caresses to needy, breathy kisses.
‘Come on.’ She took his hand and led him into the forward berth.
He had mixed feelings about that, given it was most recently where he’d spent the night heartbroken, but perhaps this would help vanquish those memories.
‘You’re sure?’ He had to ask. While he was ready — as ready as he could be — to accept the fate of their relationship, he wasn’t sure it was going to help Astrid in the same way. ‘No expectations.’ He hoped that made his position clear; he wasn’t holding her to anything, or reading anything into the fact that they were about to make love. He wanted this and wasn’t willing to use more words that might talk her out of it.
‘Goodbye sex.’
That stung, but they were just words in the heat of the moment, and he forced himself to remember that not five minutes ago she’d told him she loved him.
‘I love you,’ he breathed into her neck as they lay on the bed in the cabin, the slight roll of the waves adding to the rhythm they were in.
‘Leifur… I love you.’
They made love more slowly than they’d done before, with the care of two people who knew it might be the last time. The playful and light-hearted love they’d shared until now had changed into something deeper, full of intention and tenderness.
‘I don’t want to make things harder by adding hope into the mix, but if I come back afterwards…’
‘We should take the weeks we’ve had and hold them close, but we can’t let ourselves be guided by them. It wouldn’t be right.’
‘It wouldn’t be fair,’ she whispered with a small nod. ‘It’slike asking you to wait for me.’
He nodded and gently pushed her hair behind her ear so that he could see her face. ‘Don’t look back when you go, Astrid.’
She nodded, her face crumpling into a sob before she buried it in his shoulder. He took a deep breath. He didn’t need to cry anymore, but that didn’t mean his heart wasn’t breaking watching Astrid.
It wasn’t long before the boat arrived to tow them, announcing its arrival with a blast of its horn. Astrid, who’d fallen asleep, stirred as he got up and pulled his clothes on.
‘Hey, we need to go up.’
‘Okay. I’m coming.’
He headed up to the deck feeling better. Loving someone for three weeks, however fiercely, would not be his undoing. Not when he’d worked so hard to build his new life. He had to keep moving on, and work through the pain. And that was something he knew how to do.
28
‘I WISH WE could blow off tonight.’ Astrid said when they had been towed back to the harbour. She was helping Leifur replace the fuel filters. Not exactly helping, but watching and passing tools when he asked for them.
‘Why don’t we? We’re going to end up being late by the time I go home and get changed.’ He was oily and probably tired.
‘You don’t have to go home. You could come to my place. Some of your clothes are on the chair in my bedroom.’ This afternoon in the forward berth had been very cathartic, and although she was still heartbroken at leaving him, she had come to terms with her decision enough to know that he was right. It was going to be hard whatever happened, so what point was there in staying away from each other?
‘So you do want to go?’
‘We don’t have much time left. It might be fun.’
‘We don’t have much time left, so you want to spend it with other people?’
