Page 67 of Adrift in Iceland
He laughed because despite everything, it was funny that he and Astrid had tried to keep their relationship away from work, even timing their arrival every morning to be before Eva, and yet she knew. ‘She’ll be in.’
Astrid arrived just before the first guests. Unusually, she was wearing makeup, which he assumed was so that she could look halfway better than he did.
‘Good morning,’ he said, smiling. He felt a lot better now that he’d had all night to think about it. There was no point in hoping she’d change her mind and stay, because even if she did, she would never be here for good. He also knew that falling out of love with her was going to be the hardest thing ever, and he wasn’t going to even try until she’d gone.
‘Morning. Are you okay? I mean, I know you’re not, butare we going to be okay today?’
‘Of course we are. Let’s have a normal day and talk about it tonight.’
‘Hæ, Astrid. Are you okay? You both look awful,’ Eva said.
They both laughed, and Leifur was glad that they were on the same page and could work together whatever else was going on.
‘I don’t get the joke,’ said Eva, shaking her head and going below deck.
‘I’ll tell her later,’ said Astrid. ‘I’m going to ask Jonas whether he’d consider letting her step up to do the commentary. What do you think?’
‘It’s a great idea. She’s already been trained by you, and it’s easier to find someone to run the galley than it is to find a marine biologist.’
Thankfully, the day went to plan, which Leifur was grateful for because although he had somewhat come to terms with the situation, he wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything out of the ordinary.
‘Shall we pick up some fish and chips and take them home?’ Astrid suggested after they left the boat for the day.
He tried not to think too hard about how she’d said home as if that was actually the case. ‘Sure. Good idea.’
While she dished the food up onto plates, he took two beers from the fridge and popped the tops. This was probably going to be tough, however much he thought he’d come to terms with it last night.
‘I emailed them this morning and accepted the job,’ she said.
‘That’s good.’
She looked at him as if he’d said something wrong, and suddenly he realised that the conversation they’d had last night was about to continue.
‘Do you think this is okay, Leifur? Do you care that I’mleaving?’ She had tears in her eyes, and he wanted to ask her why she would think that on any level he would be happy about her leaving. But he didn’t because it was her decision and what he wanted couldn’t factor into it. She knew he loved her, and she knew he wasn’t leaving Iceland. If he had to remind her of that to make her stay, then she would never be his anyway.
‘I want you to be happy. If this is what you want, you have to go for it.’
‘It takes away our summer.’ Tears were spilling from her eyes now.
He reached over and wiped her cheek gently with his thumb. ‘This summer is not our only chance. If it’s meant to be, we’ll have more than a summer in the end.’ He wanted to believe that they were destined to be together, and that this was a blip on the road designed to test them. To give them certainty about their feelings for each other. He’d never believed in destiny before, but now the hope that even if she left now, she might come back someday was all he had. And he’d wait. He wouldn’t tell her that because it was unfair to place an expectation on her. But he’d be here if she ever came back.
‘Am I taking this job because it’s what I should do? I want to know I’m choosing the right thing, and at the moment I can’t think straight. Costa Rica should be my dream job, but it feels like I’ll be leaving everything behind.’
She leant into him, and he cradled her head against his chest, willing her to know that if he thought it was fair, he’d be telling her to listen to her heart. And at the same time, he wanted to scream because did she know how it felt having to comfort her when everything she was doing was killing him?
‘The only way to be sure is to take the job. If you’re on the research boat in Costa Rica and desperately missing the humpback whales in Faxaflói Bay, you’ll be certain thatcoming back to Reykjavik is the right decision.’
‘You think I should do it?’
He exhaled. He had to be patient, but she’d already told him she’d taken the job. It’d be so much easier for them both if she would accept that she’d decided and move on without dwelling on it. Then at least they could try to enjoy the time they had left together. ‘You know I can’t tell you that.’
She pulled away from him and smiled, tears still shining in her eyes. ‘Thank you. I know you’re trying not to be a part of this decision. And it only makes me love you all the more.’
Leifur spent another night onBrimfaxi. He could have stayed with Astrid; she wanted him to, but he needed some space to lick his wounds. Again.
The first two tours on Thursday went perfectly. The weather was fine, cloudy with patches of glorious sunshine, and only the gentlest breeze. Then, as they left the harbour for the third tour of the day, something happened and the engine died.
Leifur came out of the wheelhouse and beckoned Astrid over from the bow where she’d been about to start her safety announcement.
