Page 66 of Adrift in Iceland
‘Neither did I. It’s taken me by surprise.’
‘You could have worked for me after all.’
‘I’m not sure I’d do as well talking about candles and cushions. The whales have got something to do with why I like it.’
As they said goodnight, Gudrun gave Astrid a tight hug. ‘Love you,’ she whispered in Astrid’s ear.
‘Love you,’ she whispered back.
‘Do you think I’m winning your sister over?’ Leifur asked as they walked hand in hand back to Astrid’s apartment.
‘Definitely.’ She paused, knowing she couldn’t wait any longer. ‘She thinks you’re the right man for me because you’ll understand.’
‘Understand what?’
‘When I tell you I’ve been offered a job and will need to leave next week.’
Leifur stopped and looked at her, his face grief-stricken. ‘Next week? But what about the summer?’
They sat down on someone’s garden wall.
‘I wanted the summer too, but this is an amazing opportunity. I applied for it when I was still in Tromsø. Ididn’t think I had a chance because my specialism is with North Atlantic mammals, but it turns out they’re keen to include the different migratory patterns between the northern and southern hemispheres in their study. It’s only for three months.’ Inside, her heart was screaming, three months? How will that be possible? You can’t survive without him for three months. And now she’d said it out loud, nothing would be the same again.
‘Of course you should take it,’ he said, with no enthusiasm or feeling.
And this was what she’d expected. He’d say it was fine because he wouldn’t want to stand in her way. She knew his heart was breaking because hers was too, but he wouldn’t admit it. She could already tell his heart was closing ranks to protect him. He was distancing himself even before she’d told him her decision.
‘I’m having trouble seeing past the fact that I want to be with you, Leifur. I know this is a great opportunity, but things have changed for me since I came here, since I met you.’ He had to know that it wasn’t easy for her either. That she wasn’t waltzing off to Costa Rica without a backward glance.
‘You’re not made to stay here forever, Astrid, we both knew that. It’s easy to fall in love but not so easy to stay in love in the face of opportunities like this.’
‘It doesn’t mean I’m not in love with you anymore,’ she said, wanting to push back against what she knew was his instinct for self-preservation.
He looked at her with such tenderness in his eyes. She knew he was battling to say what he thought was the right thing over what he felt in his heart. ‘I can’t be in love with you. I can’t wait for you to come back because you might not come back, and that’s okay. It means we’re not meant to be.’
A sob came out, unintentionally, and Leifur put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him, comforting hereven though she was the one doing all the hurting. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.
‘Come on. Let’s go.’
They walked back to her apartment in silence, their arms wrapped around each other in comfort. She could hardly believe that this was going to lead to anything good. Nothing was worth this. She’d hurt the only man she'd ever loved. Driven him away, although he was too generous to treat her as she deserved and leave.
At the door to the apartment building, she opened it and stepped inside, but Leifur stayed outside.
‘I’m going to sleep on the boat.’
‘No, please…’
‘I need to be alone. I’ll see you in the morning.’ He gave a small smile, turned and left.
Astrid gulped down a sob, closed the door and ran up the stairs two at a time until she was in her own apartment and could cry for what she’d done to him. What she’d done to herself, because what she’d said to Gudrun earlier was still true. These past few weeks had been the happiest of her life. It had taken over thirty years to make that happen, and now she’d ruined it in the space of less than an hour. What if the Costa Rica trip wasn’t her dream job after all? She’d have lost everything. And how would Leifur ever trust her again even if she came back, and they picked up where they left off?
27
‘IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?’ Eva asked Leifur on Wednesday morning. He knew he looked awful. It was just as well he had stayed on the boat because he’d spent most of the night awake and angry with himself, and if he’d stayed with Astrid, he’d have put a brave face on and been feeling much worse for that.
‘I didn’t sleep very well,’ he said.
‘Is Astrid okay? You usually arrive together.’
