Page 82 of Wild Swimming at Croftwood Lake
It dawned on Archie like a cold hand on his heart. He nodded. ‘She will be feeling like she’s losing everything. And when she’s only just started again after Julian.’
‘I’m sure that’ll be it. God knows, I’m not an expert by any means, but for me, building up my business and then losing it when Covid hit was devastating. I know it’s not the same thing, but I bet Nora’s thinking along those lines.’
‘And then I wade in suggesting we get married as if I want her to leave everything behind and be a wife and mother,’ said Archie, his elbows on the bar and his head in his hands as he thought it all through. ‘You’re absolutely right, Seb. I need to think about how we do this together, so it’s not the end of her life as she knows it, but not the end for us either.’
‘There you go,’ said Seb, patting him on the back. ‘And I’ve got a smashing idea to start you off.’
30
AFTER A RESTLESS night, desperate to speak to Nora but wanting to give her the space she’d asked for, Archie could bear it no more. Dawn was not yet breaking, and he took a punt on the fact that if Nora needed time to think, that probably involved her going to the lake for a swim. He pulled out his swimming kit and dressed, putting the ridiculously big dry robe on instead of a jacket, and headed with Tatty at his side, across the fields to the lake.
There was no sign of Nora, so he pulled out one of the chairs from under the dock and sat down to wait while Tatty did her customary swim over to the island for a nap. Having had no sleep, and with the beginning of the dawn chorus to lull him, he ended up taking a nap himself. When he woke, his neck was painful from his head lolling against his chest and he was stiff from being sat in one position for too long. How long had he been asleep? Judging by the sun, only an hour or so. He stood up, groaning as his body complained equally loudly at being stretched as it had about being asleep in an uncomfortable chair.
Knowing that there was still hope, that it wasn’t too late for Nora to come, he moved from the chair onto the dock. He took his shoes off and dangled his feet into the water in an effort to keep himself awake while he mulled over the whole issue of marriage and whether he’d been an idiot to suggest it at all, or whether Nora’s reaction had been more to do with his timing being off.
If the baby was a boy, he could only inherit the title if he was legitimate and that meant marriage. The estate itself could still pass to him if he and Nora didn’t marry, but he would never be Lord Harrington. And despite Archie’s own misgivings about what that had brought to his own life, he still felt duty-bound to protect it in tribute to his forebears, if nothing else. If the baby was a girl, the title would die out with him anyway, unless Betsy produced a boy, so there would be no need to marry. And thinking about this made him sympathetic to Nora’s point; that the baby shouldn’t be a reason to get married. The only reason he was giving her to marry him, he realised, was to preserve the title. And leaving his own feelings aside, how important was that? Important enough to drive a wedge between him and Nora?
He started to feel fidgety and having his feet in the water made him keen to have a swim, something he had never expected to want to do other than to keep Nora company. He took off his dry robe and the rest of his clothes and, feeling brave, launched himself gingerly in from the edge of the dock, even though he had the option of the brand new wide wooden steps that went into the water allowing for a gentler way of getting in. Taking a moment to make sure he had his breathing under control, he set off. The water was warmer than he’d expected, and it was interesting to note the changes that had taken place at the lake in the couple of weeks since he’d last swum there. Reeds had pushed themselves up from below the surface of the water, and the branches of the weeping willow trees on the island were almost kissing the water as they grew after their winter slumber.
As he headed around the island, he turned onto his back and sculled his hands at his sides, looking back at where he’d come from, so that he would see if Nora had arrived before that side of the lake disappeared for him. When he emerged again, he could see Nora’s dry robe and other things piled on the dock next to his. She must be around the other side of the island, probably not that far behind him, but not visible yet. He climbed out using the new steps and wrapped in a towel, his dry robe around his shoulders and sat at the end of the dock again, waiting for her to appear.
It felt very similar to the first couple of times he’d come to the lake to find Nora here. His stomach was in knots, this time from the pain of knowing he’d hurt her with his lack of understanding, rather than the painful awkwardness he’d felt just being around her to begin with. It seemed like such a long time ago.
He raised a hand as he watched her glide through the water, faltering briefly when she spotted him. She smiled, at least. Perhaps finding her at the lake, in her happy place, was a blessing.
‘Good morning,’ he said, as she pushed herself out of the water onto the dock.
’Thank you,’ she said, taking the towel he handed her.
‘You must be feeling better?’
‘I am now. The water’s perfect.’
‘I’m so sorry about yesterday, Nora. I would love to blame the shock for me being such an absolute idiot, but I’m not sure that would be true.’
‘It’s okay. It was a shock. It was also a shock that you thought going down for dinner was more important.’
Her words were like a punch to his gut. They were true, but it hurt that they had come to this. That they could be this brutally honest with each other.
‘I’m mortified about that. I was on autopilot. Terrible excuse, I know.’ What else could he say? ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s okay,’ she said again, but Archie worried it wasn’t.
‘I came to find you last night.’ He wanted to tell her he had felt a pull to her like never before. That he’d realised he’d upset her and wanted to make things right. But if he said that, and she rejected him, he wasn’t sure he could bear it.
‘I know, you texted me. I stayed the night at Hilary’s.’
‘Right. And how is Hilary?’ Why he was enquiring, he had no idea. It was habit more than anything.
Nora smirked despite herself. ‘Hilary’s fine. Look, I know this is difficult, Archie. Neither of us saw this coming, and it’s going to take some talking through.’
‘I’ve had a great idea about how we can change the stables —’
‘Archie, I’m not ready to think about anything other than the fact I’m having a baby. I’m sorry. But please, I need time.’
‘I love you.’ He felt as if he was baring his soul. Even though he’d said the same thing to her before, many times, the meaning behind it now was greater than ever. But how to convey that with those three words? He wasn’t sure he could.
‘I love you too, Archie,’ she said with a sigh. ‘This has happened because we love each other. It’s not a problem to be solved in that sense. I need to get my head around how my life is going to change and I need to do that before I can think about anything else. Even about us.’
