Page 85 of Wild Swimming at Croftwood Lake
‘So you’re happy about the baby?’ Val asked. She tipped a few custard cream biscuits onto a plate and set it on the table.
‘Yes, so happy, although it was the biggest shock I’ve ever had seeing that positive test.’
‘And Archie’s pleased?’
‘Yes. But the moment I told him he launched straight into suggesting we should get married.’
‘I suppose he’s trying to do the right thing,’ said Val.
‘Yes, and on one hand that’s lovely, but on the other hand, do I want to leap from a twenty-year relationship that ended only a few months ago, to marrying someone just because I’m pregnant?’
‘I’m guessing not.’
‘Correct. But even though I know what I don’t want, I don’t know what I do want either. Except for everything to be like it’s been these past couple of months. I love Archie but I don’t need to be married to him or live with him just because we’re having a baby. Is that mean?’
‘I can imagine there’s quite a lot to consider for the lord,’ Val said tactfully.
Nora sighed. ‘It’s so complicated. I know he’d like to get married but it’s so far removed from how I saw our future a couple of weeks ago, I can’t bring myself to think it’s the best plan.’
‘I get that. And it’s still so soon after Julian. You probably feel like you’ve jumped from one thing into another without a minute to yourself.’
‘That’s it exactly. And I don’t want to lose what I’ve worked for all these years. I know you’ll hold the fort here for me. And I know I can get childcare and still work afterwards, but it isn’t going to be the same.’
‘It won’t be,’ said Val. ‘When I had my girls, it cost more to put them in nursery than I could earn. That’s why this was my first job for a few years. At least you won’t have to worry about that.’
‘No, I’m very lucky. And I think Archie will be a hands-on dad.’ She hoped he would be. She couldn’t imagine being at the beck and call of a baby twenty-four hours a day. ‘The thing I’ll miss the most is my little cottage. It’s not as if Archie can move in with me. There would hardly be room for the three of us anyway. But I’ve never lived anywhere before that’s just mine.’
‘Get used to it. Nothing is ever just yours again. Especially if you have a girl, nothing is off limits. If they’re not rooting around in your handbag for a loose fiver, they’re “borrowing” your hair straighteners and you have to fetch them out of their bedroom every time you want to use them.’
Nora laughed. ‘You love it.’
‘I do, and there will come a point where you won’t even remember worrying about all of this now because you’ll love it.’
It was almost exactly what Hilary had said, and Nora began to realise that although it felt like she was giving up everything for this baby, there were things to look forward to that she would love, she just didn’t know exactly what the good stuff was yet.
‘I think I’ll have to sell my house,’ she said.
‘I wouldn’t rush into any big decisions. That’s a knee-jerk reaction,’ Val said through a mouthful of custard cream. ‘You don’t want to move in with the mother-in-law yet, do you?’
‘I can’t imagine that at all,’ said Nora. ‘I get on all right with Constance but Archie is different when he’s at home. He’s more buttoned-up and formal when he’s there, which I totally understand, I’m not sure I can live with that Archie all the time, though.’
‘I thought when the Lord got married, the mother moves out to a cottage. That’s what happened in Downton Abbey.’
‘He can’t ask Constance to move out. Anyway, the place is huge enough that you’re not on top of each other, but he might not be my Archie anymore.’
‘Keep the cottage as a love nest,’ Val suggested.
‘Tempting. We haven’t talked about any of this yet. I told him I needed time to think.’
‘So you told him you’re pregnant and then what?’
‘He suggested we get married and then got called down for dinner and I left.’
‘Oh god, Nora. And you’ve left it like that?’
‘I can’t think about what he wants, Val,’ Nora said, pleading her case. ‘I need to think of some options that seem workable because otherwise my head will explode. He doesn’t understand how huge this is for me. Everything’s going to change.’
‘One thing at a time. Have you made an appointment with the midwife yet?’
