Page 60 of Ignited in Iceland
‘Yeah.’
‘The usual? She is getting too clingy?’
‘Right now, she’s the one person I wish was more clingy.’
Brun grinned. ‘I did not think you would ever say that.’
‘I know,’ he said, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips. ‘And even though that’s how I feel about her, when she told me she might be staying in Iceland for work, I told her to back off.’
‘Oh, Siggi.’
‘It was an automatic response. I have always avoided any relationship that felt like it had a future, and now that a person has come along who makes me think things could be different…’
‘You are scared.’
‘Maybe.’ That was it exactly. He was scared. The moment that Iris mentioned the job, it felt as if her world was aligning with his and he wasn’t ready for that.
‘What do you think about her staying?’
‘Mostly, I feel pleased for her. She deserves the opportunity to shine at a place that knows how great the work is that she’s doing. If she’d told me it was anywhere else, we would be out celebrating now.’
‘So you don’t see a future with her? She has not made that much of a difference?’
‘I can’t picture the future. Ever since…Hekla.’ He paused to gauge Brun’s reaction because they never talked about Hekla, even though all of his friends had been around when it had happened. ‘Since then, I have focused on not looking any further than the next trip I want to take, or the next stretch of time here, saving up again. I guess everything else that happens in my life is too temporary to factor into any of that.’
‘So if Iris hadn’t said anything, if she just was here, working without you knowing it might be for longer than a couple of weeks, what would happen then? Because you guys have been having a great time, right?’
‘She means a lot to me, Brun. But if she stays, doesn’t that automatically mean that we are together because what else would we do?’
‘Man, you’re thinking too hard about this. If you like her and she likes you, isn’t it better that she’s here and you can carry on being together, seeing how things grow? What is to be gained by ending things just because she might be here longer? Has she said she would not want you to travel?’
Siggi shrugged. ‘We haven’t talked about anything like that at all.’ Listening to Brun had made him realise he had made a lot of assumptions that perhaps were based on what people other than Iris might want or expect.
‘I think you need to talk. You are different now. There is no need to run away from something like this, assuming it is a bad thing. Maybe Iris has reservations as well.’
Now he felt like a total idiot. Of course she might. She had been single for a long time too and perhaps that was because of what had happened with that guy, Patrick. And now he’d reacted as if just by mentioning that there might be a chance for her to stay, as if she’d proposed marriage or something. ‘I didn’t give her a chance to say what she might be thinking,’ he admitted. ‘And now it’s too late.’ He felt sure that if she’d been ready to forgive him, to listen to his side of the story, she’d have messaged him by now.
‘It won’t be,’ Brun said reassuringly. ‘Just make sure you’re honest with her about how you feel. Apologise. And decide what you want. Don’t run away from your feelings. That will lead to more regrets. Maybe you want a future with Iris, maybe not. But whatever you want, it is important to make it work. And you can only do that by listening to yourself.’ Brun gave his chest a quick tap.
‘Thanks. It’s all good advice,’ he said with a rueful smile.
‘No problem.’
Brun and Fliss had thought they were doomed to live separate lives, and in fact, they’d made a life together, albeit with a foot in both England and Iceland. They’d known what they wanted, and they’d made it work.
Knowing that he wanted Iris was the simple part. As soon as he’d seen the devastation in her eyes that morning when he’d pushed her away, he’d known it was too late to save himself. He loved her. What he was having trouble with was seeing what the future looked like.
‘Before you and Fliss worked things out, how did you see the future with her?’
‘Much the same as you, I could not imagine it. I could not see anything except the things that would keep us apart.’
‘But you knew you could overcome those?’
Brun shrugged. ‘I didn’t know. I had to be guided by Fliss because of her children. It was not up to me to decide what happened. And she is the one who has made it work. She has compromised more than I have.’
‘If Iris ends up living here, that ought to be the answer. If I’m in love with her, why wouldn’t I be happy that she is here for longer than the next week or so?’
‘Because you have lived on your own terms for so long that you can’t imagine having to take account of anyone else. What if you want to go somewhere for a couple of months and she can’t go? Do you think it’s that?’
