Page 79 of Twilight at Croftwood Library
‘It’s hanging on the wardrobe door,’ she said without taking her eyes away from the screen.
‘Thanks. And do you think the navy tie or the green one?’
‘Does it matter?’
He sighed. Things had been even worse between them since Christmas, if that was possible. After the Christmas Day phone call, he’d thought she’d resolved to be more understanding but after she’d come home on Boxing Day to find he wasn’t there, well, that seemed to have taken her insecurity to a whole new level.
He whipped off his clothes and jumped under the shower, being as quick as he could. As he was in such a hurry, he blow-dried the worst of the water from his hair before he got dressed and then finished off by sorting out his quiff – it had to look good today – and splashing some aftershave on. He decided on the blue tie. It was a Liberty floral print and he thought Lois would like it.
‘That’s the aftershave I got you for Christmas,’ said Amy, leaning against the door frame.’
‘It’s nice, isn’t it?’ he said as he tied his shoes.
‘It’d be even nicer if you were wearing it to go out with me.’
He looked up, hoping to see that she was smiling even though there had been no humour in her voice.
‘Sorry, Ames. I didn’t think.’ And he didn’t have time for this now.
‘I thought you were going to take me out as I’m letting you go to this awards thing.’
Letting him? ‘I am going to take you out but let’s get it straight, I’m not going because you’re letting me, Amy. I’m going because I want to.’
‘And you always do what you want.’
‘I don’t have time for this. I’m going to miss the train. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’ If they had to. He shrugged his smart black wool coat on and made sure he had his wallet and phone. ‘Right, I’m off.’
‘Aren’t you going to kiss me goodbye?’
He pecked her cheek and then ran down the stairs.
The taxi he’d booked was waiting outside and he slumped gratefully into the back seat wondering how he had got himself into this mess with Amy. He’d thought they were picking up where they left off, but she wasn’t the Amy he’d known before. He’d understood that things would be different, but this? This was unbearable. If she wasn’t feeling the same way, he’d be amazed. The antagonism between them was there all the time and yet they still hadn’t addressed the issues they had. All the arguments they had were superficial, always about something he had done that she was unhappy about. In the beginning, he’d thought it was natural that getting back together would throw up problems as they tried to fit back into each other’s lives but as time went on it had become clear to him that it was more than that.
Over Christmas, he had come to realise something that he had only just begun to admit to himself. He loved Lois. He’d tried to ignore it, tried to get things on track with Amy but it wasn’t working and even though he didn’t know whether that was because of how he felt about Lois or whether things would have been hard with Amy anyway, what he did know was that this feeling he had wasn’t going away. Lois was in his head all of the time. Everything that happened with Amy, he played through his head how Lois would have behaved in the same situation. It wasn’t fair on Amy, he knew that, but it was hard to be sympathetic towards her when she gave him nothing but grief. He couldn’t deny, his imagination painted a very rosy view of a life with Lois, and he was smart enough to know that real life wouldn’t match up to that, and yet it had. The few stolen days at Christmas had been like a dream. A dream that he wanted to live every day.
The train was waiting on the platform when he arrived at the station. He jumped on and heard the whistle go a few seconds later. It was close. He checked his ticket for his seat number. C28. He exhaled. Tonight was about work. Whatever he felt for Lois, he had to behave just as he had at Christmas because at the moment, they were friends. But he was going to speak to Amy tomorrow and end it, and having decided that, he felt like a weight had lifted off him.
‘Oh my god, I thought you’d missed the train!’ said Lois as soon as she saw him.
‘Sorry, I did cut it a bit fine. We had an early lunch rush.’ He took his coat off, folded it and put it on the overhead rack then sat down next to her.
‘I’m so excited,’ she said, her eyes sparkling. ‘Even if we don’t win, it’s going to be amazing.’
The London Library was everything Lois had hoped when she had looked at the images of it online. Because of the awards ceremony, it had been closed to the public for the afternoon and evening which only added to the anticipation.
The entrance, off St James’s Square near Piccadilly, belied the size of the library within.
‘There are seventeen miles of shelving,’ said Lois, as they walked into the foyer, forgetting that she was going to be business-like with Oliver and letting her excitement get the better of her.
‘Wow, it’s incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it.’
Lois looked at him, expecting to see that he was making fun of her, but he looked genuinely amazed.
They picked up their programme for the evening and a glass of something bubbly and were invited to explore the library for the next hour until it was time to take their seats for the ceremony.
The library had been described as labyrinthine and that was exactly right. Lois had read that it had expanded over the years into many of the adjacent buildings and the narrow iron walkways and stairs which led to little nooks and crannies that were crammed with volumes and volumes of books as far as they could see was a testament to its organic growth.
‘I’d move to London if I could work here.’ The feeling that she got from this place was incredible. It was like the nostalgia of her childhood library experiences on speed and she wanted to drink it all in knowing that she may not get another chance to visit.
