Page 85 of Summer at Croftwood Cinema
‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured.
She pulled away without looking at him again and headed for the front door as quickly as she could without running. She didn’t look back, but heard Matt lock it behind her.
35
ALTHOUGH SHE’D TOLD Matt she’d go to Oliver’s, all she wanted was the space to wallow by herself. Being at home alone didn’t seem quite so frightening now that she knew that the threat of the police was enough to keep Dan at bay. And besides, nothing he could do was as awful as knowing that she had been within reach of everything she’d ever wanted and had lost it because of her inability to face up to the past.
She had drunk a whole bottle of wine by herself as she sat on the roof terrace watching the sun set over Croftwood in a blaze of pink and orange glory. When she began to get chilly, she went inside and curled up on her bed, still in her summer dress, feeling the warm breeze lick at her skin until she fell into a deep sleep.
She awoke to a persistent noise which it took her a moment to realise, wasn’t her phone alarm but her doorbell. Stumbling down the stairs, cursing her landlord for not having a doorbell that you buzz people in with, she ended up stood in the hall nervously wondering who would be on the other side of the door.
‘Hello?’ she called, feeling like a total idiot but also unwilling to risk having to deal with someone barging in at… whatever time it was, on a Sunday morning.
‘It’s Oliver, Pats.’
She opened the door and could see by the pity in Oliver’s face that he’d spoken to Matt. She turned before he could see the tears emerge again and headed back upstairs to the flat, Oliver following her.
‘Let me get changed,’ she said, heading to the bedroom and looking at herself in the mirror before she pulled her dress off, swapping it for cropped leggings and an old, comfy oversized t-shirt with a faded logo of Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat on the front. She half-heartedly brushed her hair and pulled it into a loose bun. Yesterday’s mascara was sitting underneath her eyes so she dampened a cotton pad with some cleanser and sat for a moment, enjoying the soothing feeling of it on the skin around her eyes, raw from too many salty tears.
When she went back into the lounge, Oliver had made coffee for both of them and had laid out an embarrassment of pastries on a plate.
‘Breakfast on the terrace?’ he asked.
She nodded, glad of the legitimate excuse to wear her sunglasses and dragged a couple of blankets out of the window while Oliver managed the breakfast.
‘So you spoke to Matt?’ she asked, as she pulled pieces of pastry off a pain au chocolate to get to the middle.
‘He called last night to make sure you got to mine safely. Don’t worry, I told him you had.’
She gave him a grateful look, her mouth full of chocolate.
‘And then I came round to make sure you were here but you didn’t answer the door. Your neighbour said she’d seen you though so I knew you were okay.’
‘Sorry, I should have told you. I needed to be by myself.’
‘Matt said you’d seen Dan again yesterday.’
Patsy had almost forgotten that had been the catalyst for her life imploding. All she’d been thinking about was how she’d almost led Dan to Matt’s house. If she hadn’t realised he was following her…
She nodded.
‘Matt called the police. They’re going to pick Dan up on the assumption he was going to find Matt.’
Patsy shook her head. ‘He didn’t know I was going to Matt’s. He was following me to get the laptop. I wish I’d given it to him. Like Matt said, nothing on there is as important as us being safe.’ Her voice broke and Oliver shuffled towards her so that he could put his arm around her.
‘Come on, Pats. It’ll be okay.’
‘I don’t think so, Ollie,’ she sniffed. ‘Everything started to seem possible. The cinema is amazing, things were going well with Matt and now, because I kept putting off what I needed to do to get Dan out of my life, it’s all ruined.’
‘You’re being too hard on yourself. Look what happened when he first appeared, you were a mess. And look at you now. You stood up to him and he backed off. That’s huge, Pats. It wouldn’t have happened a couple of months ago. From where I’m standing, you’ve taken on this huge project with me, totally pulled it off and at the same time gained the confidence to face the most difficult thing in your life. That is all you. And walking away from Matt to protect him and his kids, that shows how much you love him.’
Oliver knew. Of course he did, he’d probably seen it coming before she or Matt had. ‘I do love him, Ollie. I have no idea why because sometimes he’s the most frustrating person in the world but… he’s the first person I’ve felt like that about, ever.’
She had no idea how to start dealing with the fact that they couldn’t be together because who knew how long it would take to settle things with Dan. She couldn’t expect Matt to put his life on hold, waiting for her. Her own life had been on hold for the past three years and now that she could look back and understand that, it wasn’t something she wanted for him, or for herself.
At least she could throw herself into the cinema. There was so much to do, so much potential to tap into and being able to focus on that was what would save her.
‘You’re right, Ollie. It will be okay. Maybe not today, though.’ She smiled and took a gulp of coffee. ‘Thanks for breakfast.’
