Page 60 of Snug in Iceland
“How are you feeling?”
“Not too good.”
The sparkle had gone from his eyes and Rachel was alarmed to see how broken he looked. It was a million miles away from the Jonas she knew.
“Can I get you anything?”
“A glass of water and some painkillers would be great. They’re in the kitchen.”
Rachel went through the only other door in the room into a larger hallway which opened out into a kitchen where she found various boxes of medication on the table. She got a glass of water and took a few packets of the pills back into the lounge.
“I didn’t know which ones,” she said, holding them in front of him. He took one of the packets from her and proceeded to try and extricate the tablets with one hand.
“I can do that,” said Rachel gently, taking them from him.
He swallowed the pills and sat with his eyes closed for a couple of minutes.
“Sorry,” he said finally. “I hate being stuck inside not able to do anything.”
“I bet,” said Rachel, thinking that it must be like torture for Jonas who was outdoors virtually all of the time. “And please, don’t apologise. I came to apologise to you. I am so sorry, Jonas, about yesterday. Adam just turned up out of the blue so I went for a drink with him just to hear him out and then…well, you know. I shouldn’t have let him speak to you like that, it was just such a shock when he came outside and saw us.”
“It’s not your fault, Rachel. It is natural for him to want to fight for you and that is what he was doing.” He looked resigned to it.
“But that’s not why he came at all. We found out at the shop this morning that Snug is being bought out and Adam came here on behalf of the buyer. For work, not for me. And it really is over, Jonas. Whatever he says, it’s over. And I’m sorry I didn’t say that last night in front of both of you. I’m sorry I abandoned you last night when we were supposed to be together.”
“I was going to have to cancel dinner anyway,” he said nodding at his shoulder. “I wouldn’t have been very good company last night.” He attempted a smile but his mouth barely moved and his eyes showed he didn’t mean it.
“Look, I know I’m leaving in a couple of days and it feels like time is running out for us, but I want you to know that nothing has changed for me. I like you, Jonas. I know you’re hurt and feeling bad, but could I just come and be with you tonight? We’ve got a work thing but…”
“Rachel,” he said softly. “I think it’s too late. We had a great time, but we both agreed that it would only go on while you were here and we’ve run out of time. I would have loved to show you the Northern Lights before you left but now I can’t. I can’t do anything now so we should say goodbye.”
His eyes were watering and it was all that Rachel could do to stop herself from sobbing and throwing herself into his arms.
“Jonas, it isn’t too late. We have something special and we could make it work. London isn’t that far.”
“I can’t do a long-distance relationship again, it’s too hard. It is not fair for either of us, it would be just like me and Hilde all over again. We have to accept that we had a great time together and that now it is over.” The tears were beginning to roll down his cheeks as he spoke but he kept his voice steady. “It would always have had to be like that, we knew. All we have missed is a couple of nights together and that would just make it harder to say goodbye. This is probably better for us both.”
“It doesn’t feel better, it feels shit,” sobbed Rachel. “If only Adam hadn’t come, it would have been alright. You wouldn’t be doing this then.”
“It’s the right thing to do. Last night just made me realise that it’s not meant to be with us. In the long run, this will save us both from worse hurt.”
Rachel felt like there was nothing she could say to that. The last thing she wanted was for Jonas to be hurt any more than he already was and if spending more time together now was going to make anything worse for him, she wasn’t going to risk it even if it hurt her infinitely more.
She went over and gently sat down next to him, taking his hand in hers.
“You’re so special, Jonas. If it wasn’t that we have only met each other four weeks ago, I would be telling you that I love you.”
They both smiled through their tears and Rachel stroked the tears off Jonas’s cheek and kissed him tenderly.
“I’ve had the time of my life here, thank you.”
Then without looking back, she left.
Needing time to compose herself, Rachel headed to the sea. She wanted to take great lungfuls of sea air because she felt like she couldn’t breathe properly. She didn’t think Jonas was right; she couldn’t hurt worse than she did now even if they’d spent more time together, fallen more deeply for each other. But she could see he was trying to save himself and she couldn’t argue with that. She had seen for herself that he was in the depths of despair because of her, because of his accident and there was no turning that around in a couple of days. She had to go along with what he wanted.
When Rachel was little and they went to the seaside on holiday, as soon as they got out of the car her dad would make them inhale as hard as they could to breathe in the sea air. They must have looked like complete loons but it was a family tradition which, in a flash of nostalgia, Rachel remembered as she repeated the ritual now, gazing across the lagoon to the snow-capped mountains.
“What are you doing?”
