Page 56 of Snug in Iceland
“How dare you speak to him like that?” she said angrily, trying to keep her voice down.
“I didn’t come all this way to watch you go off into the sunset with some other bloke. I assume you’re seeing him? Jonas?”
“We’re friends.”
“With benefits?”
“Oh God, Adam! Really? That is hardly the way to win me back. I mean five minutes ago you were all sweetness and light, ‘I’m so sorry Rachel, it was a mistake, Rachel’ and now… well, maybe this is the side of you I’ve never really known.”
“Don’t be melodramatic,” he said drily. “I just thought two years of our lives together were worth more than a Skype break-up.”
Rachel felt a blush of shame creep up her body. He was right, perhaps she hadn’t been fair. He deserved a chance to put things right and however much Rachel told herself that shehadbeen perfectly fair, now that he was here, in front of her, it was harder for her to feel at ease with that.
“Okay. Give me a couple of minutes.”
She went to the ladies and rang Jonas. He deserved an explanation, but his phone went to voicemail.
“Hi, it’s Rachel. I am so sorry about what happened earlier. I didn’t know Adam was coming and now, well I feel like I have to let him have his chance to explain as he came all this way. Please call me, I need to see you. I’m so sorry, I hope you’re okay.”
Rachel returned to the table ready to let Adam say his piece, but first, she was going to say hers. She was sure that nothing he could say would change her mind but let him try if he wanted to. He was so arrogant towards Jonas and after what he’d done, what Anna had seen, he had no business being possessive or jealous.
“Look, I know that breaking up on Skype wasn’t great but I was hoping to talk things through on the weekend when you were supposed to visit, so I felt like I had no choice. That wasn’t how I wanted things to end but I needed some closure and I didn’t think I could wait until I got back to London. It never crossed my mind that you would cheat on me, Adam and I won’t be with someone who treats me like that.”
Now that her shock at Adam and Jonas meeting had subsided, she felt empowered and able to calmly reason with Adam.
“I’m pleased for you that you’ve started your own business if that’s what you want but if we were partners you would have spoken to me about that. It’s a decision which would affect us both far more than me coming to Iceland and you had plenty to say about that.”
“You’re right, Rach, about everything. What about a fresh start when you come back home? We can start again. It’ll be like it was in the early days, let’s fall in love with each other again.”
He looked sincere, his eyes were sparkling behind his glasses and Rachel saw a glimpse of the old Adam who she had fallen for in the beginning. But this time, she felt different and she knew deep down that it would be a mistake to try and start recreating something which hadn’t been so perfect the first time. She realised that she had no feelings for him anymore. There was affection but where there had been love there was just a faint memory of something that had felt like love at the time but which she now knew wasn’t.
“No. It’s over. You have to accept that. Do you want to be with a person who doesn’t trust you anymore?”
“I think we can get past that.”
“I can’t and I don’t want to.”
That was the truth. She didn’t want to try. For her, there was nothing worth trying to hold onto.
“Look, I’m staying at the Hotel Borg. Let’s have lunch tomorrow.”
“I’m not having lunch with you, Adam. You should go back to London.”
She stood up and pulled her coat on as he looked her in disbelief.
“Rachel.”
“Bye Adam. I’ll call you when I get back.”
She walked to the corner of the street then stopped and wondered what to do next. She desperately wanted to see Jonas but wasn’t sure she could remember the way to his house. She pulled her phone out and called him but his phone was off.
It was somewhere in the very middle of town, she knew that. Maybe she would find it if she wandered up and down a few streets.
Was it mad to think that what she felt for Jonas was love – already? It was the only way she could explain how the love she thought she and Adam had shared wasn’t the real thing because she had a strong inkling that what she and Jonas could have if they let it happen, was love.
Turning a corner and finding a garden full of twinkling lights and trolls, Rachel recognised Jonas’s house. It was in darkness but she knocked on the door just in case. No answer. She sat down on the doorstep and scrolled through her phone to find Gudrun’s number. There was a good chance that Jonas was at their house, but again, there was no answer.
By the time Rachel fell into bed later that night, she was exhausted and emotionally drained. She hadn’t heard from Jonas and she didn’t blame him. She should never have let Adam monopolise the situation to the point where she had abandoned Jonas in favour of hearing Adam out. What must Jonas think? She could have ruined everything.
