Page 55 of Jace
My heart skips a beat.
“I’m serious. You two? I just… There’s something there and I’m not the only one who’s seeing it. It’s special. Just don’t let him walk, okay? As far as guys go, heisa catch. A hot one, at that.”
I rub my eyes. “Oh fuck, no, no boy-talk please. I’m not ready for that.”
She gives me another hug. “I know you’re not. But whenever you do? Whenever you’ve figured some stuff out? Please tell me? I want to be there for you. You can vent about Lamar to me as much as you want, but if you want to talk boys… Well, I think I’m your only friend who’s qualified for that.”
I chuckle. “I think you might be right.”
She sniffs. “I mean it, don't take any advice from Lamar or any of those other idiot roommates of yours. And I include your moronic brothers in this. They're all idiots.”
“We have one gay guy on the team?” I cringe at the thought of Tuck and the knowing looks he sometimes throws my way.
“Yes, one very stupid gay guy who let the hottest guy on campuswalk the fuck away.” She checks me over. “Okay, second hottest guy on campus. You’re still number one for me.”
“Aww, that’s sweet.” I hug her closer. “So you think we can do this? I hope so.”
“Do what? Stay friends?” She holds my waist as she stares up at me. “Yeah, Ty. Yeah… Give me a couple of weeks to feel sorry for myself and then I think this will work itself out. You need me, you know.”
“For all the boy-talk?”
“No. Because I'm going to be a hotshot entertainment lawyer, and you agreed last year that you'd be my first client when you're a famous NFL player. And when and if you come out, being in the spotlight... You know.”
I shake my head, not ready for that conversation at all. “I’m not coming out. I don’t know if I have anything to come out about. Not yet, anyway. I’m not even sure what the hell this is?” I respond, my voice an octave higher than it normally is.
“And that’s okay, sweety. You’ll figure it out; you’re smart like that and way too level-headed.” She pats my stomach again. “I’m serious, I love you, and I’m sad this is ending, but I think it’s for the better.”
I smile at that, already a bit more at peace with this than even a couple of minutes ago because, like we just established, talking with her is easy; it always was.
So I hug her again, one last time, for now at least, telling her that I love her as well.
When I kiss the top of her head and she sighs against me, I know this is the right thing to do, and that it’s time for me to stop hiding, to stop shoving every feeling deep, deep down, and to just face it and see what comes next.
FIFTEEN
I ran. I freaking ran. Turns out I really am a self-destructive asshole.
Because how the hell could I face him after he looked at me likethat?Like I’ve hung the damn moon or some poetic shit.
Poetic shit I’m currently writing in my stupid journal full of stupid lyrics. In my room, on my bed, in me and Missy’s tiny apartment. Because no way in hell I’m gonna go to Yetties thisweek and face the clusterfuck that’s about to happen when I run intothem.
I don’t want to run into them. I don’t want to see them together. I justcan’t.
Not after the way he looked at me. He wasn’t supposed to look at me like that. He wasn’t supposed to look at me like he actually wants me just as much as I want him.
And if he did, he wasn't fucking supposed to run right back into his girlfriend's arms right after.
Yeah, I saw them alright when I left. Holding on to each other for dear life.
So fuck yes, I ran. And I’m running this whole damn week. Because that kiss? That kiss gave me hope. While hope makes for great lyrics, it’s destructive too.
And his reaction right after crushed that little piece of hope immediately.
Turns out hope is not such a fickle thing; it turns out to be a fucking annoying thing, really.
Shit. I might've run from Ty physically, but I can't run from my stupid mind, so I write. I write and write and write, like the stupid cliché of a wannabe emotional musician with issues that I am.
Yup. Just like my dad used to say. I'm a cliché, through and through. Daddy issues included.
