Page 73 of Rewrite the Stars
I’m a caring person, a person who knows what love is and who loves deeply. I know this because for the past three years, no matter what has been going on in my own life, my biggest desire, even bigger than finding closure with Tom, has been to see my brother walk again. To see him happy with Martin in Galway, to witness and feed off his grit and determination, and to hear his sweet voice sing even if he’s only scraping the surface of his talent fills me up in a way that nothing else can.
I’m a funny and attentive friend. I know this because of how Sophie keeps reminding me how much she loves my company and how I make her laugh and allow her to be herself. I’m a sister who drops everything to hear Emily out when she’s wrung out with grief and despair at not being able to conceive her much wanted baby.
I’m a daughter who accepts that my mother can see my flaws but who loves me all the same, maybe even more actually, for them. I’m an exceptionally proud woman, one who knows that I’ve struggled against the odds to get the qualifications and career opportunities that have come my way from my humble beginnings. I love how my father did his best for us all, even though he didn’t have much to offer us financially. Thanks to him I grew up knowing the importance of family values and how, no matter what, when the going gets tough he’s the one who will always be on my side.
I’m a music maker and a singer and I can find words that can move people, even if it’s just a smile on a child’s face when I remind them they’ve a lucky star and a lucky number. I know how to make a child feel special. Music is my passion, but teaching is my vocation and I can’t wait to find a school that respects and appreciates all I have to offer, no matter where on the map that might be.
I feel better to have reminded myself of all of this. I stand up taller, prouder, and I know that coming here today to the airport is exactly where I’m meant to be. It’s important to remind ourselves sometimes of what we were put on this planet for. We spend far too much time focusing on what we do wrong, beating ourselves up over mistakes and wrong decisions instead of learning from them. Every decision, every experience, every person we meet gets us to where we are meant to be in life. Being wrong, feeling confused, battling through the fog of life can only make us grow and shape us to become better people.
I’m flawed, I’m imperfect in so many ways but I’m still learning and I will continue to do so every day as I weave my way through whatever decisions life wants to throw at me next.
I shuffle my feet, I check the time and then when I look up I see him coming towards me. I inhale this moment; my eyes are bright and starry and I feel a rush of excitement race through my veins, running right to the tips of my fingers. I want to hold him tight and never want to let him go again. I want to cherish every single moment we have together from now on. I’m so grateful he has given me another chance to be the couple I’ve always believed deep down we could be.
He looks even better than I remembered, and when he puts his arms around me and pulls me into the warmth of his body, I can’t help myself from nuzzling into his neck and letting the tears of relief and love flow. I inhale his familiar smell, and when he kisses me full on the lips in the midst of this busy airport, I don’t care who sees us as I feel my knees weaken as they always do under his hungry embrace.
I look into his eyes to see that he has been crying too.
‘Thank you for coming to meet me,’ he says. ‘I’d an awful, awful feeling you might change your mind.’
I shake my head.
‘No way,’ I tell him. ‘I’m never going to make that mistake again. I promise you. I didn’t even have to think twice about coming. I wouldn’t have missed this moment for the world.’
The crowd of fans in the near distance disperses at last and the airport security team are able to get back to their day jobs, relieved to have some normality again, it seems. I take one last fleeting glance towards where they were all standing just minutes ago, and I watch Tom Farley walk away into the distance, feeling nothing – only closure at last. Then I look up at my darling husband and he pulls me towards him again.
‘I was going to surprise you by coming home early, but I couldn’t wait to see you so I had to just tell you when I’d be here. It’s so good to be back.’
We walk away, arm in arm, out of the airport doors and into the morning sunshine.
‘I can’t wait to see Ardara again, just to kick off my shoes and lie up on the sofa with you, Charlotte. Being away made me realize just how much you mean to me. I love you so, so much and always will.’
He has no idea how glad I am to see him again too. I was so close to making the biggest mistake of my life while he was away.
‘And I love you too, Jack,’ I tell him, feeling my heart strain at the thought of ever losing him and all we have. ‘I really, really do.’
We drive away from the airport and I can’t help but notice a plane taking off in the distance, one I know carries Tom and his band back to London and to the life he craved and is now living. I hope he finds love one day, just like I have. I hope he learns to be happy and, like me, takes a chance to make sure it comes his way.
‘I can’t wait to get home,’ I say to Jack, and then we put the windows down and turn the radio up loud. It’s Blind Generation on as usual, but I don’t turn it over this time.
Instead we just laugh and sing along with Tom as he makes his own way home, back to London, across the sky.
Epilogue
Wicklow, Christmas Eve 2019
Ijump up like a child on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa when I hear the first car arrive to our home in Ardara. The living room is decorated, the tree is up and both Jack and I have been busy in the kitchen preparing food and drinks for our expected guests. A smell of mulled wine and cloves lingers in the air and the sound of Sinatra fills my ears with joy.
We’re hosting a bumper festive season this year, and I can’t wait to see everyone who has been invited, even if some of them have agreed to sleep on the floor in the makeshift beds we’ve put up for them all.
I peep out of the curtains to see who has got here first. Since I started my job at the local primary school here in Ardara where they put the most wonderful emphasis on outdoor life and alternative teaching, where they love my music and songs, I haven’t been able to see my family as much as I used to, which makes this holiday season even more special.
‘It’s Emily!’ I squeal, racing out through the hallway where I bear hug my sister, minding her growing bump, which I then kiss and stroke in total awe. ‘How are you feeling? Boy, you’ve got so big! Not fat, pregnant, I mean!’
She laughs and pats her belly. Kevin’s chest swells beside her.
‘You’re right, he sure is going to be one big boy,’ she says, letting Jack and me know she has found out the gender of her much anticipated arrival.
I feel my own belly flutter.
