Page 56 of Rewrite the Stars
Promised myself I won’t look back
But it’s never long before I do
Oh how I wish I could stop
Thinking about you
It’s beautiful, it’s heart-wrenching, and even though there are rows and rows of people between the two of us who know every word, I feel like I’m locked into a moment with him and there’s no one else here. He doesn’t know I’m in this vast arena, yet he’s singing it just for me. I know it.
I close my eyes and feel every word he says, remembering the pain of saying goodbye and how much we didn’t want to let go but didn’t feel like we had much choice.
Again and again, I swear blind
That I’ve let you go
Turned out the light, locked the door, walked away and said goodbye
But that’s never been the truth
And to lie does me no good
Thinking about you
In my heart I’ve made a pact
Promised myself I won’t look back
But it’s never long before I do
Oh how I wish I could stop
Thinking about you
I feel my chest tighten, my head drops and I’m so glad that Sophie’s reaction is as emotional as mine as it takes away any spotlight I feel might be on me now, even though no one else in this huge place knows who he is singing about. No one knows, only Tom … and me.
‘So, so bloody gorgeous,’ says Sophie, wiping her eyes at the end of the song. ‘I’m actually crying. That was so amazing.’
The song comes to a gentle finish. Whistles and cheers erupt around me while Tom Farley takes a step back on stage and laps it up, shaking his head in appreciation as the claps and cheers get louder and louder around him.
‘Wow, looks like even rock stars have their hearts broken!’ says Harry. ‘That’s a hit! I bet whoever she is comes running back to him now!’
They have no idea. Except for Jack, perhaps, whose eyes I can feel on me. Oh God, he must know something is up with me right now … but how would he? I’ve never mentioned Tom Farley to him, ever. I’ve deliberately never mentioned him. Jack often says he can tell what I’m thinking by the expression on my face. He knows me better than anyone.
I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe this is happening.
Tom takes the microphone in his hand again and addresses his audience.
‘Man, I spent avery, very long time thinking about her,’ he says. ‘I hope she’s doing OK now, and that she’s happy now. OK, band, let’s go! Let’s rock this city!’
With four beats of a drum, the band kicks into the next track with a total mood change but I’m still paused in thought at what just happened. The lyrics of ‘You’ still echo in my head.
In my heart I’ve made a pact
Promised myself I won’t look back
But it’s never long before I do
I’m too afraid to look around me in case my husband or my friends have made the link or can see the pain in my face, and I feel panic arise within me. Tom didn’t say my name, that’s one good thing, but God that was close. I had absolutely no idea that song existed but his fans knew every word. I can’t believe he wrote those words about me. I realize that just like Sophie, I’m crying too, but for so many different reasons.
