Page 61 of A Miracle on Hope Street
Fate is a funny old thing, isn’t it? My mother is coming home at last.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Christmas Eve
Everything from the day before feels like a hazy dream, so surreal, so magical yet so shocking at the same time. Last night I dreamed about Bernadette from Dublin like she was a total stranger, but in the dream she hugged me and thanked me for reading my letter and for eventually helping her to find her way back to her children.
If it wasn’t Christmas Eve and I didn’t have so, so much still to do, I’d happily lie in bed and recall every moment of yesterday from the second I set eyes on my mother on the pier, to what she was wearing, her distinctive touch and smell, how frightening it all felt and how bewildered I was when I heard her true story, a far cry from one that my sister and I believed all this time. I see my parents in a totally different light now, and as I walk downstairs into the hallway that has been lined with pictures and frozen in time, I can see now why my father never wanted to change anything from the moment she left.
He always, always hoped that she would one day get better and come back to us all, to him and not just us children. He had been living on his own false promise until the day he died and that, along with the years of intense suffering that Mum had gone through over the years, makes me want to scream and cry for them both. But I cannot change the past, of course. I need to focus on the present and, right now, that means shopping for a lot of food to give her and my other Christmas guests the heartiest of welcomes when they come to visit me tomorrow.
I sit down at the dining table and open a parcel containing the online shopping I did earlier in the week which arrived yesterday and I take a moment to admire it, feeling a rush of excitement as I picture my guests here in just over twenty-four hours. I set out the Nativity set, unpack the candles, napkins, crackers, centrepiece and tablecloth and take a moment to admire it all. It’s going to be so beautiful.
I need to be in town for the shops opening as I still have some gifts to pick up, then at lunchtime I’m collecting the turkey and meeting Michael to get in the food and drink for the big feast and this evening will be spent prepping the room and preparing the food. It’s all very last minute, but it’s been a busy and eventful week to say the least, so I’m looking forward to getting stuck in and having a fruitful Christmas Eve.
I send a message to each of our dinner guests, hoping that no one has taken last minute cold feet, wanting to reassure each and every one of them that they are so welcome and how much I am looking forward to spending the day in their company.
Marian is first to respond.
‘I’m counting the hours,’ she says. ‘I waved at your house as I walked passed the butterfly in the park when out for my early walk this morning, even though your blinds were pulled. See you tomorrow!’
So, she is walking in the park more regularly now. I’m delighted for her.
‘All systems go,’ says Molly Flowers. ‘We’ll bring some goodies. Looking forward to it so much now!’
I think of Molly and Jack and their little toddler Marcus and all the struggles they have ahead of them as they battle to financially keep their heads above water, which makes me even more determined to make tomorrow the best I can for them all.
Then I hear from Kelly, who I’ve been thinking of all morning. She will be in such turmoil as the thought of handing over her daughter before Santa comes tonight gets closer.
I’ve everything prepared for an evening of baking once Elsie leaves, she tells me.Only for you and your kind invitation, Ruth, I don’t know if I’d have got through this. Thank youx
And finally, Nicholas messages me with his own, very upbeat and quirky style.
My very real Santa type beard is washed, my new shirt is pressed, my dicky bow is on the hanger and I’m going to ruin it all by wearing my most hideous Christmas jumper over the top. Seasons Greetings, my love!
I take a moment and think of Paul, wondering how different his life might have been if he’d only made it for a few days longer.
‘Bless you, Paul, where ever you are,’ I whisper. ‘I hope you’re at peace now for Christmas.’
I make a note on my list of things to do, just a little gesture for him, and my mood lifts up a little. Tomorrow is going to be bursting with positivity, I am so determined to make it so, but I also can’t just forget that one other person should have been with us if life didn’t have other, quite unjust, plans for him.
I look around the table, wondering should I do place names. Yes, I probably should. I add this to my list. And then I text my mother.
You can come here this evening if you’d rather not make the journey on Christmas Day, I suggest to her, my heart breaking at the thought of her driving for two hours tomorrow morning when most of the world was waking up to open their presents.
I’m an early riser, she texts to me.I’ll be there by the time you wake up, don’t worry, darling. This is the first Christmas in sixteen years that I’m looking forward to and I can’t wait. Love, Mum xo
With my food list made, my last-minute list of gifts list tucked into my purse, I set off, hoping to hear from Michael soon. I’m so eager to tell him my news from yesterday and also to hear all about his which I hope is as positive as my own.
But when he calls me minutes later as I’m parking in the town centre, cursing the already packed streets as shoppers invade the place like a colony of ants even though the shops haven’t opened their doors just yet, I sense right away that it didn’t go quite as well as he expected.
‘She has a list of conditions that would give Santa Claus’s naughty list a run for its money,’ he says to me, trying his best to make light of a very disappointing occasion. ‘Ah, she’s so angry at me, Ruth, and I can’t blame her, of course. If we hadn’t been in that busy café, she’d have really gone to town, so I only really got some of her rage, but seeing her again and facing up to it all was a start. I’m just trying to remind myself that it was a step in the right direction. She took the present for Liam but it could be in a bin somewhere, who knows? At least she met with me and kind of heard me out. It’s a start.’
My heart sinks for Michael and I can’t even think that Laura would throw his present to his son in the bin. I’d pictured a happy-ever-after moment where she’d welcome him with open arms and ask him to come back home, and I kick myself now for being so naive and childish to think that his meeting would come between our friendship. It was shit for him to face up to and it was shit for her to have to look at him again. It was never going to be straightforward.
‘She is getting married,’ he tells me in a low voice. ‘Liam is going to have a new step-dad and I think that has hit me a lot harder than I ever thought it would.’
Oh.
