Page 24 of A Miracle on Hope Street
‘He can be a bit shy,’ says Gloria. ‘Go and ask him. I’ve a feeling that something like this might be just what Michael needs right now, maybe just as much as the others who write to you, but is too afraid to say.’
Kelly Robinson
Kelly hadn’t spoken to her ex-boyfriend in four days.
She knew she had to bite the bullet and return his calls, but the thought of making the Christmas arrangements over her darling Elsie so final were eating her up inside. She couldn’t even contemplate Christmas without Elsie. How on earth would she ever get through it? Christmas without Elsie would mean no Christmas Eve excitement where she’d set out a carrot for Rudolph and some milk and cookies for Santa, where she’d bathe her baby girl and brush her damp blonde curls, giving her the new pyjamas they picked out every year and then snuggling up in front of a blazing fire watchingThe Snowmanbefore tucking her in and eventually giving in to lie beside her as she was way too excited to sleep.
Christmas without Elsie would mean no laughter over junior board games after a delicious turkey dinner, or binge-watching children’s movies all evening as they stuffed their faces with chocolate sweets straight from the tin, or watching in awe as her darling girl would get lost in a world of make believe on the living room floor as she talked to her new toys like they were already a part of their small but precious family.
Family was everything to Kelly and she really had thought that she would marry Elsie’s dad, but Barney had other ideas for how his life would turn out and, although he chose the single life over all they had built up, Kelly could never say that he had stopped being a good daddy. This was their second Christmas apart and he had gone through the same heartache that she faced this year when he’d spent Christmas with his parents and missed out on all the traditions that Kelly had worked so hard to create to make Elsie’s memories so special. Now he had Kate to share it with too. Kelly had met Kate when Elsie had started staying over with them two nights a week and she still howled in agony when she got back to her broken home alone, devastated that her little girl had to sleep in a new bed, in a new house, far away from the dolls and teddies and familiar smells of her own bedroom where her mum would tuck her in and tell her a story until she fell asleep.
Kelly had agreed that Barney should have those two nights a week with his daughter, but Christmas was a different matter altogether. She didn’t have her parents to run home to like he did. They too were divorced and lived too far away, and they were too wrapped up in their own lives to even contemplate coming to her. She’d hoped that her best friend Sarah would invite her round, at least for dinner, but Sarah was going to her in-laws’ house for the first year of her married life and Kelly couldn’t argue with that. She’d even invited Daniel, the taxi driver who she’d gone on a few cinema dates with, to come and spend the day with her but that was enough to make him think she was getting too serious too soon and he’d given her a ‘sorry, but’ response, explaining that he had other family commitments to look after over the festive season and she’d never heard from him again.
Maybe she could pretend to Barney that Elsie had changed her mind and would rather stay with her again this year. She could say that, couldn’t she? But the truth was that Elsie was excited about spending the big day with her dad and there was no way that Kelly was going to let her daughter see how much it was tearing her apart. She’d experienced that exact guilt when she was a child herself and she’d heard her parents fight over her each and every Christmas. She couldn’t do the same to Elsie. She’d have to just suck it up and pretend the day wasn’t happening. She’d make a dinner that had absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. She’d turn off the TV and she’d disconnect the internet. She’d go to the library and stock up on feel-good novels and self-help books and she’d get through the day in her pyjamas, eating comfort food and drinking wine.
Elsie, who was curled up on the sofa with her favourite teddy under her arm, was blissfully oblivious to how much Kelly’s heart was hurting inside and that’s just the way she wanted to keep it.
Ruth Ryans would probably not answer the silly email she’d sent one night when she was a sobbing mess, alone and panicking about what was ahead of her. Ruth Ryans would probably just skim past her message and file it with the thousands of other fickle tales of loneliness and despair, choosing instead to concentrate on the much more pressing issues that come with this time of year.
Ruth Ryans would be far too busy, and was probably enjoying a hectic social life of glamorous parties and dining out on Christmas cheer to worry about someone like Kelly. What on earth would someone like Ruth know about loneliness? It was a silly email and she should never have sent it. Ruth probably won’t reply at all.
Kelly peeped in on her daughter, who was giggling at the cartoons on the TV and then she climbed the stairs until she got to the top where she sat down and leaned against the wall, hugging herself and rocking as she sobbed at the thought of Christmas Day alone.
Ruth Ryans was her only hope. Maybe she would answer her soon.
Chapter Eleven
Ruth
‘Triangle,’ says Michael, just as I approach him at the café counter. ‘It’s a cryptic crossword answer that’s been bugging me all afternoon. Coffee?’
I wait, wide-eyed as Michael fills out the little white squares on the newspaper with his blue biro, then he puts the pen behind his ear and leans on the counter, waiting on my order. He doesn’t look at me.
‘No, I was hoping for a chat, actually.’
He looks up briefly then back at his crossword.
‘You don’t have to suddenly try and be my best friend,’ he says, laughing lightly at the idea. ‘That’s not why I told you that yesterday.’
A light sweat breaks on my brow. He is making me nervous by being so to the point.
‘I don’t think we have to suddenly be best friends at all, Michael,’ I tell him, eventually finding my voice. ‘I was actually going to ask you—’
‘Seriously, Ruth, you can just go back to acting like I don’t exist,’ he says, avoiding eye contact and looking everywhere but in my direction. ‘I only told you to try and snap you out of your constant daydream state, but it’s really none of my business what you do with your life, is it?’
‘I beg your pardon?’ I say to him, feeling my fingertips tingle with anxiety. ‘There’s no need to be so rude.’
The tension between us is like a tightened coil about to spring and I don’t know if I’ve the energy to pursue him or take his shit for any longer. I look around to try and catch Gloria’s eye for some reassurance but I don’t see her and, as my hands clam up and my head spins, I gag on the decision to ever have approached him in the first place.
He finally glances up at me, just before I’m about to give up and leave.
‘Sorry, can I get you some water? Anything?’ he asks, as if he knew I was at the point of exasperation. ‘It’s a bit warm in here. I’m always asking the staff to turn the thermostat down but they never listen.’
I shake my head.
I’m not going to give up on him that easily. He may be playing hard to get but I’ll be hard pushed to find anyone else with catering experience to help me pull everything together in such a short space of time.
‘I don’t want coffee, I don’t want water and I won’t be hanging around. I just wanted to ask you something,’ I blurt out eventually.
