Page 30 of The Physician's Barbarian
A hand settled on my shoulder, and Othorr gave me an apologetic smile. “Dreskildr sensed a storm approaching. They needed to move quickly to avoid being caught in it. He didn’t want to wake you since he said you already shared your goodbyes.”
I shook my head, confused. We hadn’t said goodbye. Unless… that was his intention last night?
My heart felt as though it was shredding in my chest at the thought. I did not see it that way. I thought he wished to keep me as much as I wished for him. But as I watched the cloud of dust slowly disappear over the hill, the truth settled in my chest. I had once again misunderstood him. And it was too late to try to change his mind.
“Godr?” Orthorr asked, concern in his tone.
Sucking in a shaking breath, I couldn’t force myself to smile. I could only nod and croak out, “I understand, clan leader. I will return to the fields unless you need me?”
He studied me closely, a deep frown on his face, but he didn’t stop me. “As you wish. And thank you for taking on Ambrose’s care during his period of learning.”
Again, I nodded. I could do little else.
I keptmy distance from my clan for a while. My heart ached for Ambrose, and I couldn’t make myself act as I had before. We’d only spent a short time together, but those days were filledwith warmth. I missed his laughter when I told him stories of my past. Missed the feel of his body next to mine as we slept. I even missed that exasperated look he gave me when I returned to him with new bruises after training the more feisty stallions. How could I grow so attached to someone I knew less than one passing of the moon?
“Gods damn it! You know what? Fine! You want to act that way, then you can keep that stone until you become lame, and we can roast you for meat!” Drin shrieked.
I looked up from where I had been examining one of the females who was expecting her newest foal soon. We would need to move her into a tent for this purpose, as it was growing too cold, and there was already snow on the ground from the storm that had passed the day after Ambrose left. Drin was stomping my way, his face flushed with anger and resentment. It took little effort to figure out why. I wasn’t the only one who took Ambrose’s absence poorly. Rhoddgorr refused to let anyone else near him and had bitten me and the other helpers several times a day since Ambrose left.
With a sigh, I gave my focus back to the mare, patting her side. “Soon. I will have the tent set up for you tonight so you are more comfortable. For now, rest.”
She grunted in response, the look in her eye telling me she was ready for this to be over. I offered her an extra treat for her suffering and sent her on her way just as Drin approached. He marched right up to me, throwing himself into my arms. I hadn’t expected it, though maybe I should have. He used to do so before Ambrose became my tribute. Normally I would have returned his affections, perhaps brought him to my tent to put him in a better mood. Now, I only stood there, waiting for him to be done clinging to me.
“He’s an asshole!” he grumbled, even though I didn’t ask. “Why do we keep him? He doesn’t let anyone ride him, and he is a menace! We should make a meal of him instead!”
Pushing him off me, I scowled at him. “I do not like those jokes. You know this.”
We didn’t eat our stallions. They were our companions, as much a part of the clan as my brothers were. During the seasons when we moved with each moon’s passing, they carried us from place to place without complaint. I would never stay in a clan that allowed them to come to harm.
Drin pouted up at me, leaning against my hands like he hoped I would bring him back into my arms. I wouldn’t, especially while he was speaking in such a way. “But he’s so cruel!”
“He is upset. He is allowed to be. Leave him be. I will care for him.”
It would mean more bites, but I could take it.
Drin’s gaze dropped to my hands, still keeping him at a distance. He made a face, looking up at me suspiciously. “Why do you still avoid me? You don’t have a tribute anymore. We can be together again?—”
“We were never together,” I cut him off, taking a step back to put more space between us. “Our relationship was only for fun.”
Hurt slashed across his face, making me feel guilty, but we had both been upfront when we first started fooling around. I had been uninterested in a bondmate, and Drin liked to be coddled. I couldn’t be the man he was looking for. We both knew this.
“We were happy together before he came along. Why can it not go back to the way it was?”
I shook my head. “Because you deserve better than someone who craves another. I’m sorry, Drin. This is my choice.”
From his expression, he looked conflicted between arguing with me and throwing a fit. I braced myself for either, but before he could get going, Rath called for me from the fence line.
“Godr! You must come now!”
I moved to meet my brother, but Drin caught my arm, glaring at me. “We were speaking. If you cared for me at all, you wouldn’t walk away.”
My brows snapped together tightly. “My brother calls for me. I must go.”
“Godr—”
“No, Drin. I have made myself clear. Accept my words and move on.”
Again, the hurt overtook his face, and the pain in my chest grew heavy with guilt. I felt bad for turning him away, but there was only room in my heart for one. Even if I could not have him.
