Page 18 of The Physician's Barbarian
“It was my mistake. He didn’t do anything wrong.”
My face felt like it was on fire admitting to it. I’d put myself into this position, practically throwing myself at the man from the first moment we met. What did Godr think of me acting that way? And why did his opinion matter so much to me?
GODR
I was lost to whatever was upsetting Ambrose. At first it was Finn who looked close to tears, but then while speaking with Zoya and Finn, Ambrose’s face went pale, and he looked truly upset with whatever they were discussing. When I tried to comfort him, Finn pushed me away, but he wouldn’t explain to me why, his full attention on Ambrose.
“Brother?”
Rath noticed the intensity of the conversation and came to join us again, his brow pinched as he studied his bondmate’s face.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Finn looked like he would cry, then Ambrose went pale, but no one has explained anything to me. I curse whatever elder thought it was best for us to remain ignorant to the common tongue. It would be easier for us all if we could understand our tributes.”
Rath grunted in agreement, wrapping his hand around Finn’s elbow and pulling him into his embrace. Finn still lookedshaken and there was a heavy sense of guilt in his expression. But for what reason would he need to feel guilty?
“Tell me what’s wrong, kolrav,” Rath urged, kissing Finn’s forehead when Finn looked up at him.
He seemed uncertain, and his eyes darted to me for a moment. My stomach twisted in response.
“Have I done something wrong?”
Finn shook his head quickly. “No. He thought—” He grimaced and shame overtook his face as he explained, “Ambrose thought he was required to… service you at night. He made advances to ward you off from demanding more from him that he wasn’t comfortable with.”
It felt as though someone had punched me in the chest with Finn’s confession. He thought I would force him? Did he truly see me as that kind of monster? And our moments together before… He was forcing himself?
A strangled sound escaped me, and I stumbled away from the group. I’d never been accused of such a thing before. I was horrified to think Ambrose felt this way about me. Pain crawled up my throat, choking me, and my ears filled with a buzzing sound I could barely hear around.
“Godr, wait!” Finn called. “He didn't know!”
No. Because I hadn’t explained it to him. I should have stopped him when he first reached for me. I should have known he would feel pressured. I was captivated with him and came up with excuses in my mind for his behavior when I should have stopped and explained. I was thoughtless and careless with his heart. I was supposed to be his protector. Instead, I was his nightmare.
My heart hammered in my chest as I spun and ran for the fields. I was too ashamed to face my clan. It was better that I leave now. At least until the Ilvos clan retrieved Ambrose andgave him to someone who could better care for him. My heart ached to think of it, but it was for the best.
My stallion, Tolsen, didn’t hesitate when I threw myself onto his back. He reared up and ran, leaping over the fence effortlessly. I would put as much distance between myself and Ambrose as I could and pray to the gods that one day, he would forgive me.
Thirteen
AMBROSE
Iwas still reeling from the shock and embarrassment of my assumption, so I didn’t see what was happening until Godr stumbled away from me. He looked like someone had stabbed him in the chest, and the pain on his face echoed in my own when he turned and ran away from me.
Finn burst into tears, clinging to the barbarian holding him. I whipped my head around to Zoya for an explanation. Please tell me I hadn’t hurt that sweet man.
“Finn told him what you thought, but—” She shot a worried look at Godr, who leapt gracefully onto his horse and took off. “He didn’t really get a chance to explain. I’m worried he took it the wrong way.”
I bit back a curse. I should have kept my mouth shut. No, scratch that. I shouldn’t have assumed in the first place. I’d been so sure I knew everything, I ended up making all the worst mistakes and making things harder for everyone. Including Godr, who was literally running away from his people because of me.
Unwilling to let Godr take the blame for my mistake, I ran after him, leaping over the fence and racing for the horses. I wasn’t going to let him be chased off because I was an idiot who didn’t think to ask before throwing myself at someone.
My erratic behavior spooked most of the horses. Only one stood steadily watching me. The one that had kicked Godr in the chest the other day. He came straight for me, letting me scramble onto his back before guiding him in the direction Godr had gone. I heard shouts behind me, but I refused to sit and wait for him to come back. They might think I was trying to escape, but I only wanted to fix the mess I’d made. I ignored the fear in the back of my mind that they’d chase me and hurt me for running, urging the horse forward with a light tap of my heels.
It was a good thing I was holding onto his mane, because he didn’t start slow. He took off at a gallop, and I nearly slid off the back of him before we got more than a few feet. I had to hug his neck to keep my seat when he jumped over the fence. My miniscule riding skills did not include bareback racing.
I managed to readjust to a more comfortable hold, squeezing the horse’s sides with my thighs to keep from falling off. We followed the dust trail Godr’s horse had left in its wake, and then the path through the tall grass he’d cut through. I thought we’d be chasing him for a while, but apparently, the horse that had chosen me was fast because we caught up after a few minutes, and Godr came into view, his body low on his horse as they ran as fast as they could.
“If you can go faster, do it,” I urged the horse beneath me. “We have to catch up to them.”
