Page 17 of The Physician's Barbarian
“Tell him to go slow,” Rath said as he wandered toward the fenced area where his stallion waited for his attention. “Godr was never a good student. He could never sit still long enough to learn.”
I shot him a dirty look. Ambrose didn’t need to know that.
Twelve
AMBROSE
Iwas glad Patrick seemed mostly okay. The previous injury he described seemed to have healed as well as could be expected having been treated out here instead of in a clinic with all the tools I would normally have at my disposal. He was probably right that he just tweaked it when we fell. I’d still be making him a poultice to help with the pain, though, for causing him the trouble. And I insisted on apologizing to whoever Yamileth was myself for dropping the food.
There was a whole conversation happening around us in the barbarian language, but I mostly ignored it. I heard my name once or twice, so I assumed they were talking about me, but Patrick, Finn, and Zoya all assured me that no one would get into any trouble for accidentally knocking down some food. They all actually looked rather horrified that I would be concerned about such a thing, which made me feel better.
I was helping Patrick to his feet with his barbarian’s help when Zoya spoke to me directly. “Ambrose, I’m going to be taking over teaching you our language while we work, if that’salright with you. I feel bad hogging your time and attention, but we only have a short time together before you leave to join the Ilvos clan, so your lessons are just as important.”
“That’s fine,” I agreed, eyes glued to Patrick to make sure he was steady on his feet. I didn't get much of a chance to check his balance before his barbarian scooped him into a bridal carry without so much as a grunt of effort. Patrick wasn’t a small man, but the barbarian made it look effortless.
“Verus…” Patrick chided with a grin. He gave his attention to me. “Sorry. He’s been taking care of me since the beginning. I appreciate you looking at my leg. I’ll stay off it for now until it feels better.” He gestured to his barbarian with a chagrined expression barely masking the fondness in his tone. “He won’t be happy otherwise.”
“I’ll come by later with something for the pain. I agree that rest is for the best.”
Verus, Patrick’s barbarian, wandered off, his sole focus on the man in his arms. It was sweet, and an alarming feeling of jealousy tightened in my gut, reminding me of what I’d been so upset about in the first place. I shoved it to the back of my mind, avoiding looking up at the rest of the group in the hope that they wouldn’t see my blush. I was going to clean up the mess of food, but before I could, Godr caught my hands in his, checking me over again with a worried frown. He didn’t seem to notice my embarrassment, and my shoulders came down as he checked my palms for scratches.
“I’m fine. It was an accident. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
Zoya snorted and Finn snickered like my comment was funny. When I raised an eyebrow, Zoya explained, “Worrying is what protectors do. It’s their whole job. It used to be teaching the language and the ways of the clan, too, but Finn took over that since he’s so good with languages. Now, their job is to keep thetributes from running off into areas that aren’t safe and making sure they’re fed and cared for.”
I frowned. The way they made it sound suggested sex wasn’t part of it at all.
Finn noticed my confusion and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I just… I guess I don’t understand. I feel like I’m missing something. You all act as if they’re just here to protect us, but no one ever talks about what happens at night. Do you all really just pretend it doesn’t happen?”
He cocked his head, confused. “What do you mean? What happens at night?”
Were they truly going to pretend? With an exasperated sigh, I remarked, “While I appreciate that the barbarians are more kind than I’d expected, the rumors aren’t baseless. We’re still required to have sex with them. Whether or not that’s accepted here, it’s still coercive at best and?—”
The horrified expressions on their faces made me pause. Godr looked between us, his brows furrowed. He didn’t understand what we were saying, so he couldn’t weigh in. I was almost glad about that. He’d been sweet thus far, but I didn’t want to offend him by bringing it up.
“We aren’t— They don’t— What—” Finn was at a loss for words. It was when the tears filled his eyes that Godr panicked. He spoke in a rush in the barbarian language, looking between us in confusion as he demanded to know what was going on.
Zoya put up a hand to stop him, her brow furrowed deeply. Urgently, she said, “I’m going to need you to explain that. Because it’s a death sentence here for anyone to force sex on another. Are you saying Godr forced you?”
I opened my mouth to answer, then froze. I thought about both times we’d been intimate with each other. He’d never started anything with me. I was always the first to touch him in that way. He’d enthusiastically reciprocated, but he’d neverinitiated. He’d never even suggested it. I’d assumed it was going to happen either way and took action myself to better control things.
My chest tightened, making it hard to breathe, and I looked wide-eyed at Godr. He said something to me, putting his hand on the back of my neck and squeezing, reassuring me. Now that I was thinking about it and knew him a little better, I couldn’t imagine him forcing someone to have sex with him. It had only taken a couple days interacting with him to know that. He was a happy-go-lucky goofball who loved horses, not a monster.
I was an idiot.
Finn, unable to read my racing thoughts, slapped Godr’s hand away from me, pushing him away and shaking his head. Protecting me from a man who hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Wait, wait,” I croaked, waving my hands. “He didn't— I didn’t—” I struggled to form coherent sentences. Maybe I should have gone to those language lessons instead of acting like I didn't need them. Apparently, I’d missed something important.
Zoya kneeled beside me, putting her hand on my arm, her voice low and soothing. “Take a deep breath. You’re safe here.”
That was all any of them ever said to me. I assumed Godr had said it too, since his tone was often reassuring in a similar way. They’d been telling me from the start that I was safe, but I’d believed so strongly in the rumors about the barbarians that I didn’t look at the evidence in front of me. What a fool I’d been.
The embarrassment was all-consuming, but I didn't want Godr to get into trouble due to false accusations. I forced myself to speak, telling my companions, “I thought… I thought it’d happen whether I wanted it or not. I figured if I… brought him to completion, he’d be satisfied and wouldn’t ask for more. He never forced me. He never even asked?—”
I winced at the reminder. The one time I’d thought he’d been asking, he’d only put his hand on my knee and spoken to me in asoothing voice. I didn’t know what he’d said. We didn't speak the same language. For all I knew, he was asking me about my day or the weather or something equally as mundane. I was the one who crawled into bed and tried taking his trousers off.
