Page 21 of The Physician's Barbarian
Orthorr turned to Ambrose, switching to the common tongue. I listened to the sounds, trying to pick out words Imight know, but it was hopeless. I’d never bothered to learn the common tongue. I rarely left my clan. I was the horsemaster, and I was needed here. What point was there in learning a new language if I never left?
Ambrose’s gesturing caught my attention. He looked fierce, determined, and when he gestured at me, there was no animosity in his gaze. He looked… apologetic.
“Ambrose takes the blame on himself,” Orthorr translated. “He says he never asked, nor did you give him any reason to think it was required to lay with you. He was frightened and listened to the rumors the towns spoke of our people, taking action to better protect himself. He thought if he initiated, he could control how far things went.”
While it made me feel a little better to hear that, I still ached to think he’d been frightened this whole time. “What did I do to make him think he needed to protect himself from me? I thought—” I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat. “I thought he enjoyed being with me. That he initiated because he wanted it…”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at Ambrose again. I still felt I was at fault. Something I had done made him think he had to force himself. His assumptions wouldn’t have continued if I was a better protector.
Long fingers gripped my chin, tipping my face to better look at Ambrose. His brows were drawn tight together, his glasses making his warm brown eyes seem bigger. “You did nothing wrong. You didn't force me. I came onto you. And…” His cheeks turned pink as he admitted, “I did enjoy it. You don’t have to worry about that.”
I paid attention to Orthorr’s translation, but kept my eyes glued to Ambrose as he spoke. “You are sure?”
Ambrose nodded when Orthorr repeated the question. “I’m sure. I’m sorry for making you feel like you were at fault. I wasin shock and—” He cut himself off, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter as long as you know you did nothing wrong.”
Letting the words sink in, I felt the pain in my chest slowly dissipate. He looked truthful, and there was no fear in his face that I could see. He was being honest. Reaching up, I took his hand, squeezing it between my own.
“I’m sorry I didn’t notice your fear. I will do better, I promise.”
“It seems to me that we should have a discussion with the tributesbeforemeeting their protectors,” Orthorr said with a frown after finishing his translation. “Other clan members have reported to me that their tributes have thought similarly thanks to those rumors. We have always tried to show the tributes with actions that they are safe. But as Finn and the rest of the newest tributes are pointing out, we may be doing things wrong and causing unnecessary trauma despite our best intentions. Uttin has made mention of changes he thinks will help. I sometimes struggle to understand the need for it,” he admitted. He paused for a long moment, his eyes going distant. “Perhaps soon we should consider a tournament. It might be time for someone younger to take my place.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Clan leader? You are thinking of stepping down?”
“Perhaps, in the next year or so. Too much is changing recently, and I’ve noticed many clan leaders of my generation are reluctant to make change. If we wish to do better for our tributes, younger leaders might be necessary.”
He could be right. It had been the older generations that set up the way he did things in the first place.
“I think we should all be learning the common tongue,” I suggested. “Would it really be so wrong to be able to understand our tributes when they come? To put them at ease with their own words before showing them in ours that they are safe?”
He sighed. “It is something I must discuss with the other clan leaders. Changing the way the tributes learn is already a big change. I do not think changing such things will be easily accepted, and with us in charge of the tributes’ learning, we need their permission for such things.”
That was true. We worked together with our allied clans and making the decision to learn the common tongue would directly affect the tributes and could make their lives more complicated when they moved on. But it was worth a try. At least to avoid misunderstandings like this one. If I could go back and explain things to Ambrose, I would in a heartbeat. Anything to make him feel safe with me.
Fifteen
AMBROSE
Iwas grateful someone was willing to translate for us. It seemed to make a difference. Godr no longer looked like someone had kicked him in the chest, and he didn’t stare at the ground in shame like he had been. He spoke for a while with the man translating for us, who I believed was the clan leader. Their expressions were serious, and I hoped that didn’t mean anything bad.
A familiar face ducked into the tent while they were still discussing things. He wasn’t the barbarian who’d picked me up from my home town, but he was part of the caravan who brought us here. They’d all gathered in one area and travelled here together, probably for safety. He was also the one who introduced me to Godr. He was a no-nonsense kind of guy, his expression serious every time I’d observed him, but not unkind. I’d seen him during the journey checking in on the other tributes and bringing them blankets to stay warm. He obviously cared about their well-being.
He did a little bow with a fist across his chest and said something in the barbarian language, and the clan leader gestured for him to join us at the table. He sat, listening for a moment before turning to me.
“I am Uttin, the clan second. I heard there was a misunderstanding. As you belong with the Ilvos clan, this worries me. They could start a war if they feel their tribute has been mistreated. Would you prefer a different protector? I can take over your care so that you feel safe, if you would prefer.”
“No!” It came out a little strong, catching the attention of the other two men at the table, but I didn’t want to leave Godr. It would negate all the effort I’d put into reassuring him. He’d done nothing wrong. And now that I understood better, I didn’t think there would be any issues.
Uttin studied me closely, like he wasn’t quite sure he believed me. It was all growing too complicated, and I felt a headache brewing behind my eyes. Next time I was unsure about something, I was going to ask questions. It would spare me from this kind of turmoil.
“If you are sure. But I must insist you attend Finn’s lessons. The Ilvos clan sent you for this purpose. Our healers appreciate your assistance, but learning of your place in your new clan is more important for your well-being.”
“Zoya said she’d teach me,” I argued.
Uttin shook his head. “Zoya is a good teacher, but she will not have the time to cover everything Finn does. Besides, our agreement with the Ilvos clan was for you to attend Finn’s lessons only. I do not wish to cause trouble with that clan. They are formidable.”
The undertone didn’t escape me. He was worried what that clan would do to this one if I didn’t show up with the knowledge they expected me to have. I’d honestly never thought of it that way. I’d been so eager to regain some normalcy that I’d jumpedhead first into helping the healers. If my insistence put this clan at risk of war, I would feel awful. I’d already caused enough trouble for the people who cared for me.
“Alright,” I acquiesced. “I’ll attend Finn’s lessons from now on. But I don’t need a new protector. Godr didn't do anything wrong.”
