Page 82 of One Hotlanta Night
“Come with me, mi amor. Come with me because you love me as much as I love you. Come with me even without the promise of these new opportunities. Come with me because you can’t bear to be without me, like I can’t bear to be without you. Come with me, not out of defiance to your mother or to prove all of those naysayers wrong. Come with me because it’s whatyouwant. Because we can’t live without each other.”
I see both the vulnerability and the challenge in his eyes and shiver involuntarily despite the heat emanating from his body. I would never admit it, but him standing here, making me face my own raw emotions, is as much of a complete turn-on just as much as it addresses my fears. The way his body cages me in, protective but not allowing me to escape our conversation, is surprisingly arousing. His chest heaves as he speaks, showing me this is affecting him just as much as it does me. Demandingmy attention; demanding an answer. That I’m worth fighting for.
He’s not shying away from uncomfortable emotions or difficult situations. Instead, he’s calling me out on my own insecurities and helping me work through them. Tackling the issues head-on, working to find a solution. Together. Like a team. Equal partners. I’m still getting used to being both respected and spoiled silly by this man, but each and every day, he’s teaching me what to expect from him. No games; no hidden agendas. He’s open, honest, and forthright about who he is and what he wants. How many times am I going to ask him to prove himself to me when he has been clear from the start? If he says he has loved me from day one and been backing it up every day since, why am I questioning it?
Because no matter how much the idea of leaving home scares me, the prospect of losing Michael scares me even more. I know, deep down, that he’s the one for me. I’ve already said I’d marry him for heaven’s sake. I’m wearing his ring. I’m committed.
And he’s asking me to trust him.
I must be insane for even considering it.
This kind of reckless behavior has gotten me into trouble in the past and what if I’m making another mistake? What if it reallyistoo soon to know for sure? I figured we had weeks, months to get to know each other before taking this final, verypermanentstep.Just in case. So much in my life hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would. What if it doesn’t work out; what if, as he gets to know me better, he doesn’t want me after all? I’ll be up shit’s creek in another state. Is this really a good idea?
As if he can sense the haphazard swirling of my thoughts, Michael strokes his firm hands down my sides, lowering himself all the way to the floor. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he buries his head in my belly, crushing me to him.
“Talk to me, Vivian. It’s killing me not to know what you’re thinking.” His words are muffled as he speaks into my shirt, but then he lifts his head, looking up at me.
The anguish in his eyes startles me. This beautiful, noble, wonderful man ison his literal kneesbefore me, beseeching me.
“If you’re having second thoughts, you have nothing to worry about, mi amor. I will spend my whole life trying to make you happy. Please. Because I don’t want a life without you in it. Surely, you must know, you must feel how perfect, how right this is. How much we’re meant for each other.”
He pauses before telling me quietly, “You are the one my soul has been waiting for. And I don't want to breathe anywhere you aren’t.
“Please. Please take this chance with me. I know it’s not the way we planned. But I can’t go forward without you.Eres el amor de mi vida y siempre quiero estar contigo.I don’t ever want to be apart from you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure we’re together. You are the heart of me, mi amor. I want this with you, today and every day after.”
I close my eyes, resting my head against the wall, and envision the future he painted for me. Imagining what it would be like to start all over again, but not by myself. This time I’d have Michael with me, who’s shown me what a true partner is supposed to be. What it might be like to explore a new city together, finding all the best places to eat. Having thoughtful conversations with someone who makes me laugh, makes me think, who challenges me. Walking along hand in hand on the proverbial beach. Learning Spanish. Setting up a home together. A nursery for children one day. Rocking on those porch chairs he talked about as we watch sunsets. Waking up next to him every morning and kissing him goodnight. Being together as we both grow old and gray.This, this is what happiness looks like to me.
And then I open my eyes and take in the man kneeling at my very feet. Clutching my body to him, utter devotion in his posture, I see a man who’s professed undying love for me. Who treats me as if I’m already his wife. Who has both stood up for me and been there when I needed support. Who doesn’t care about my past, or my fibro, or any of the things that make me feel less than. Who accepts me just as I am. He doesn’t want to change me; he just wants to be with me. To love me. Forever.
His eyes have never burned brighter. They pierce my heart, warming me from the inside with his love, and I don’t want to resist this any longer. Logic and reason say this shouldn’t be happening;weshouldn’t be happening. But as I stand here looking at this beautiful man who has bared his soul to me, I allow myself to ignore all of the rules bouncing around in my head and just go for it.“If you miss out on this, you’ll miss out on something big.”
I don’t want to miss out anymore.
He’s right. There’s nothing tying me here, not really. My mom and I are still trying to navigate our tumultuous relationship, but it’s a long process. We’ve just gone from strained to light talking; sometimes it feels like it’ll take an ice age to get back into a dynamic where we don’t constantly fight. Claire and Raelynn are the only reasons I’ve never considered leaving before now, but my best friend was adamant when we talked that I needed to take whatever shots came my way. She refuses to “let me tie up my bullshit with hers.” Her words, not mine. She reminds me all the time that she’s a big girl, and that we all have to walk our own path. And I know she’ll be furious with me if she thinks she has been a factor in me staying put.
What other people think though—that one drove home. I’m so tired of being seen as a disappointment. When you go from being a “high achiever” to someone who “wasted their potential,” it’s hard not to let the comments get under your skin. My momexpressed it, Trent reinforced it for years, and even customers at the restaurant have no problem voicing their views on how they think I should live my life. After a while, you believe what other people say. Your brain screams that you should listen, even if you know in your heart their opinions shouldn’t matter.
So many poor decisions led me to where I am now, just kind of floating along, existing, frustrated… and now, a chance to pursue something that feels completely, 100 percent right. A fresh start, with a man that I am wholeheartedly in love with. Who makes me feel safe and secure as much as he lights my soul on fire. Who gives me orgasms as a means of reassurance, speaks words of love to me in a language I don’t understand but translates in my soul. Who promises to be there for me no matter what, to stand with me and care for me and fight for me. Who I don’t deserve whatsoever, but who also won’t let me go.
I can’t explain how those words I shared with Claire right after I met Michael are coming true—I’m gonna marry this man if I can. Never in a million years did I think that would come true so fast. But nothing about our “courtship,” if you can call it that, has been in any way normal. I feel like I met this man, he claimed me, I accepted it, and now here I am, ready to take the next illogical step. But the craziest part is it feels so right.Hefeels so right. He feels likemine.
I love him. I want to be with him. But if I’ve learned anything this past year, it’s that actions have consequences. And it’s not just about me.
“I love you, baby,” I start, but before I can finish my sentence, he’s on his feet, his mouth on mine, pouring all his love into a searing kiss. It’s fervent, it’s all consuming, and it takes every ounce of willpower to break free, breathless and panting, holding him back with my hand on his chest. “But,” I begin.
His face clouds, but he waits, raw need and impatience on his face. I’m certain he wants to swoop me up in his arms and take me to bed; it’s his favorite thing to do.
“But,” I say again. “I need to speak with Claire. I’m not going to do anything that will make it any harder on her and Raelynn.” I exhale slowly, needing to keep this promise. I don’t even know how to start this conversation with Claire. Tequila, maybe?Yep, that would probably be a good start.
“Of course, mi amor.” Michael bends down and lifts me up easily, cradling me to his chest just like I thought he would, and I hide my smile. “Whatever you need to do. I fly back home on Thursday. I have to let my boss know by Friday.” Shit. That’s not a lot of time. I frown.
“Michael, I’m not going to do anything drastic if I get even aninklingthat it’ll be a problem for Claire,” I warn as he takes the steps two at a time without breaking a sweat. This man and his muscles…
“I know, cariño,” he tells me as he gently lays me on the bed, his tone confirming that he knows I’m serious. As he picks up my wrist to plant kisses on it in that way he loves to do, he asks, almost boyishly, “But do I have your go-ahead to look for apartments?”
I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. “Yes, baby, you can.” I’m still surprised at how he tells me he wants me in his life, then immediately does something to reinforce it.
Like how I found the dresser drawers cleared out for me and a credit card with my name on it only a few days after he “proposed.”
