Page 84 of One Hotlanta Night
“Maybe it is.”
“But if we do this, we’d be talking about getting married in a couple of weeks! Not months! I thought—well, I hadn’t really been thinking aboutwhenall that much—but I figured we’d get married in the spring or something, you know? Have months to plan, get to know each other better and—”
“You love him, right?”
“I do. I really do.”That’s not the problem.
“So then what’s the problem?”
“Theproblem,” I say, frustration creeping into my voice, “is that I’m going to be leaving everyone I know, you, Raelynn, my mom, and going to a totally different place where I know no one and I don’t have a backup plan and what if it doesn’t work out and what will people think—”
“Stop right there,” she says, literally putting her hand in my face and stopping my frantic tirade. “Backup plan? You don’t need a backup plan. You and Michael are the real deal. You’re not like me and Paul. I can promise you that.
“You want to be with him, right? You’re committed to what marriage requires, dedication, commitment, talking things out and making it work no matter what? So then all that’s changing is the timeline. It’s moving up, but it doesn’t change how you feel about him. Whether you get married today or ten years from now, if your love and devotion is strong, that’s all that really matters. Trust me, knowing someone longer is not always better. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors.
“But what you guys have, the way he treats you, the way he looks at you… what I wouldn’t give to have someone be there for me and make me feel that way.”
Her eyes glisten, and my throat chokes up. Derrick could be that for her, if she were to just open her eyes.
“Why are you doing this to yourself?Why are you second-guessing?”
“I don’t think that I deserve this. Deserve him. It feels like everything I touch ends up falling apart underneath my hands. I figured we’d need more time to work out the kinks.”
“Are you having issues?”
“Well, no, but it’s still brand new.”
“Look,” she says and now I can feel how frustrated she is with me. “I get that you have hang ups. These last couple of years have been rough, what with Trent and your mom’s criticisms, andthe fibro and all. But no one is talking about perfection here. Is Michael?”
“N–no. He–he says he doesn’t believe in perfection, but that I’m perfect for him.”
“See?” Claire runs her hand through her hair. “Why do you think it’s so impossible that you are worthy of love? Not just any little ole love, but true love and devotion from a good man? He has already laid everything out for you; he has addressed all of your concerns. And he’s shown you how invested he is. I mean—it was what?—three weeks ago when you came home with a key to his place? So why can't you just let yourself have this?” Her tone softens when she takes my hands in hers and says, “Vivian, you’re my sister in my heart and soul, and you have a great chance at happiness here. I don’t want you to miss out.” Those words from before echo in my head; those same words that I can’t seem to escape.
“I actually do agree with you,” I confess in a small voice. “I want this so, so much. But I’m afraid it might be too good to be true. And,” I hold up a hand to stop her reply like she did to me earlier, “don’t you need me here? Don’t you need me to help with Raelynn? It’s one thing to move in with him, but I hate the thought of leaving you guys.”
“Viv, like I said, you will always be a sister to me and an aunt to Raelynn. No amount of time or distance is ever going to change that. But my life is here, and you need to give yourself the freedom to go startyourlife. You have spent long enough in a place where you’re not thrilled to be and you deserve happiness. Take your happiness with this man who’s crazy about you. We will befine. Give yourself a chance to make this work. Screw everyone else,” she says. “They’re not the ones living your life.”
“You know, it's funny, because you’re literally telling me everything he did last night.”
“Good,” she says. “So now you know that you have two people who not only love you, but want the best for you telling you the same thing. I know this decision is hard for you, and I’m sure you hope your mother will be on board. And I think she will get there. Has she even met him yet?” As I tell her no, she shakes her head. “You know, you probably should do that before the wedding,” she admonishes.
I sigh. “You think?”
Her voice is gentle in reply. “You two have had a really rough road together. It can only go up from here, right? Give her some time. But I’d definitely get that introduction scheduled sooner than later. It’s gonna be really hard for her to think of her only daughter up and leaving.” I can’t help but think of how it’s going to affect Claire one day whenheronly daughter grows up and moves on with her life.
“Seriously, Claire, I know that you love me. But if I do this, if I go, I need to know that you will be okay. I’m worried about you.”
“Vivian, my life is meant for me to live and figure out. And the same goes for you. You have my complete support, blessing, whatever you want to call it. You need to take your happiness with both hands. Michael’s already shown that he is going to give 150 percent of himself, so what exactly are you waiting for?”
“Well, when you put it like that, I guess you’re right.”
“I know I’m right, so just trust your heart. You’re out of excuses, so go get your man.”
“Claire…”
“Don’t worry about me and Raelynn. You’d already told me you were moving out; that’s what the boxes were for, remember? I’d planned for it. This just means we’ll make our plans—myplans—for backup,notthe same thing,” she shoots me a look, “just a little bit sooner. Listen, Viv, when you marry somebody, you need to be all in. Not just part of the way, the whole enchilada.” I grin at the mention of her favorite food. “You needto have time to be with them, to figure out what your marriage is going to look like, without outside distractions.”
“You guys aren’t a—”
