Page 53 of One Hotlanta Night
“You can’t be serious,” she says, her eyes fixed completely on mine.
“I’m dead serious.” More strokes of her soft as silk skin.
“You’re saying you don’t care about my past, what I’ve done, my exes…” She trails off as I hold her head steady with both hands and press our foreheads together.
“No, Vivian, I don’t care about any of that. Because they’re exes, or hookups, or whatever, for a reason.” And that’s where I see it, the part that’s bothering her. The hookup part. She flinched when I said that word. If that’s what’s bothering her, then I’ll clear it right up as I continue.
“The only thing I care about from your past is how it affects you right now. I don’t care how many people you’ve been with, and I especially don’t want to know anything about them. We’re both not new to this game. That doesn’t matter to me, and I sure as hell hope it doesn’t matter to you.”
She looks at me guardedly, and I realize I’m not quite getting through to her. Breathing in, I choose my next words carefully.
“I don’t believe in regrets. What we’ve done in our lives has brought us another step closer to meeting each other, to what we have right here, right now. There’s no judgement in that. God knows I’m not a perfect man.” I sigh hard. “I’ve done so much in my past I’m not proud of. You know that. I’ve shared those stories with you.”
She nods, remembering those same conversations where I opened up about my troubled years in high school.
“But if I let my past hang over me, I’m never going to get anywhere. I’m always going to be second-guessing myself and worrying about someone finding some dirt on me. And I can’t live like that. I can’t grow with that hanging over my head. So if your past lovers—or whatever you want to call them—are what’s bothering you right now, then just let it go. It doesn’t matter.
“What we did before has brought us to this place, right here, right now, together. And that’s all I’m interested in. You have me, completely, one hundred percent devoted to you, and there’s nothing that can change that unless it’s you walking away. Which I think would kill me.” I sit back, closing my eyes, not wanting to consider that option for a second. If this is what’s been stressing her out, no wonder she’s been off all evening.
I feel her heat before she even touches my hand. Opening my eyes, I gaze directly at her so she can see me, see everything. That it’s hers if she wants it. I’m hers. No matter what.Please don’t break my heart, mi amor.
Her voice is quiet but wavers when she says, “So you’re saying you don’t think less of me? Because I was afraid you would, after Janice telling me what kind of person you are.” Tears well up in her eyes, but she doesn’t look away from me, not for a moment. My strong, fierce, vulnerable woman.
Is that what is the root of all this turmoil? That I would somehow respect her less?
I hate that she feels this way for even a minute, hate whatever or whoever made her feel unworthy, anything less than the perfection she is. I know what it’s like to let other people’s thoughts take up space in your head. And how hard it is to fight that narrative. God knows I’ve been working on that myself. And if she’ll let me, we can work on changing our narratives together.
I take her face in my hands and place a tender kiss on her nose.
“You,”
I kiss her left cheek.
“Are,”
Her right.
“Exactly,”
Her chin.
“What,”
Her forehead.
“I’ve been looking for.”
I softly kiss her mouth. Her eyes close, those watery tears building on her eyelashes, and I brush them away with a tender touch. As they slowly open, the green of her irises is more pronounced than I’ve ever seen it. She’s just so damn beautiful. Beautiful and broken, at least according to her. And I make it my mission here and now to change that. I’ll make her see what I see.
“We’re imperfect people, but you are perfect for me, Vivian. I just want to be what you need. What you want, what you desire. Everything before now has brought us one step closer to finding each other. And I could never resent what brought you to me. There’s nothing that could change that, mi amor. I don’t care about your past, and I hope you don’t care about mine. I only care about our future. Together.” And with that, I claim her mouth fully, trying to pour all my love—because clearly that’s what this is—into our kiss. I want her to feel how she’s taken my heart, my soul, everything that is in me. I’ve waited so long for her and I’m never letting go.
Vivian
A soft snore at my back reminds me that Michael has been sleeping soundly all night.
Whereas I have not.
I’ve been running through his words all night long, tossing and turning them in my mind like puzzle pieces that shouldn’t work, but he makes them fit. Makes it sound so easy. He didn’t make light of my feelings, my emotions. Instead he reassured me that they wouldn’t stand in our way. I’m trying to figure out if this guy is for real or what. His admissions sound a lot like love, even though he’s not used those exact words, and his absolute refusal to delve into past relationships has completely upended my world.
