Page 88 of Feels Like Home
"What else are you considering?"
Court drops his head back and lets out another long breath, like he's been coiled with tension and is finally finding release. "Everything, Buzz."
"Everything?"
"Yep. I'm putting my whole life under a microscope and asking, What the fuck have I been doing?"
"Um, you've been doing really important work like saving lives. That's a pretty big deal."
He cranes his neck to me and smiles, but there's a sadness lingering in his eyes. "That's my career. What about my life? Oh, that's right. I don't have one because my careerismy life."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm not really sure. But Mom's offer is making me reevaluate a whole lot of things because if I am seriously considering raising this child, I can't do that with the way I'm currently living. My lifestyle isn't exactly kid friendly. I think I'm having an existential crisis."
"You mean a midlife crisis?"
His cheek rises as he tries not to grin. "Shut up."
"Make me."
He grabs the bulge forming in his sweatpants. "That an invitation?"
I chuckle and thrust my hips closer to him. "It is."
"What are you offering?"
"What would you like?"
"I wouldn't say no to a repeat of this morning."
I reach over and palm his cock. "You seem to really be into me blowing you."
"What can I say? You've got a velvet throat."
"I think you like it because you can talk dirty to me, and I can't talk back."
"Not true. But you do look even more beautiful with my cock stuffed in your pretty little mouth."
Heat surges through my body. It's wild how free we can be with each other. I've never been like this with anyone before.
"Bet you say that to all the guys."
Court's palm cradles the side of my face. "Don't say that, Buzz. You know it's not true."
"Actually, I don't know that," I reply in all my needy glory.
Yep, I even get jealous over imaginary scenarios involving a guy I'm not even dating. I seriously need aboatloadof therapy.
Court stares deep into my eyes. "Buzz. I've never done anything like this with anyone. And I wouldn't want to. It's only you."
I close my eyes and let the words course through my veins. Even though he's only talking about sex, I let myself get swept up and imagine he's talking about me.
About us.
"And I'm sorry I haven't been more communicative," he continues. "It's not because I'm avoiding stuff— Wait. It's notonlybecause I'm avoiding stuff. I just have so much going on in my head at the moment, and all of it is major life stuff. I want to get crystal clear on what I want, and then I'll tell you everything. I promise."
He pauses, and I would literally do anything for him to fill the silence with the words I so long to hear from him.
