Page 14 of Feels Like Home
"It's not here," he finally concedes, dejected.
"I'm sorry," I say, rubbing my hands up and down my legs, wishing I could say or do something to make him feel better.
He squares his shoulder and smiles. "It's okay. I'm just being silly. So, tell me, how was Africa?"
We messaged and video called while I was away, but the time difference made things tricky, and Buzz has been working some long-ass shifts, especially after he and Cameron broke up.
"I'm still wrapping my head around it, but it was…intense. Amazing, but intense." I adjust how I'm sitting to get more comfortable. "To be honest, I didn't like it at first. Everything was so different from what I knew—the language, the customs, even the food. But I worked with a great team who took me under their wing. I ended up seeing that most of the differences were only superficial, and that at the end of the day, people all want the same things. A place to live. Nice food. And good people to love."
"Sounds like a life-changing experience."
"It was. Had its challenging moments, to be sure."
"I bet."
Being a firefighter, he's seen things most people wouldn’t want to imagine, but I spare him the details of what I went through. Being forced to do emergency procedures like C-sections or hysterectomies without adequate equipment. Seeing women with life-threatening infections like sepsis from unsafe home births or botched abortions not have access to antibiotics. Delivering a stillborn baby. Watching a woman die from eclampsia shortly after childbirth due to lack of blood. I'm barely able to process it all myself. It's way too much trauma to dump on someone else.
He places his hand on my knee, the warmth of his touch seeping through the denim to my skin. "I'm sure you did an incredible job in circumstances I can only imagine were extremely difficult."
"It was tough, but ultimately worth it," I say. "Really made me appreciate how good we have it here. And how precious life is."
"Being faced with death changes a person," he says, sounding like someone who's faced that very experience.
"I want to do things differently," I say, closing my eyes and trying not to let the horrific images—ones I know I’ll never fullyshake—surface again. "I want to live my life differently so I learn and grow from the bad shit I've seen."
"You will, Court, you will."
I open my eyes. "I hope so."
He gives me a soft, reassuring smile. "You will, because one, you're a strong person who can do anything he sets his mind to. And two, because you're looking at your future husband, and I'm going to support you in any way I can. We got this, okay?"
I place my hand over his. With every pounding beat of my heart, I know with absolute certainty—I am hopelessly in love with this man. "Okay."
9
Buzz
"You have to move out," I announce to the two-hundred-and-forty-five-pound pantless gorilla currently occupying my sofa, watching a game on the flat screen with a massive bowl of nachos between his legs.
Howie looks up at me, confused. "What?"
"Courtland and I are getting married."
He chokes on a nacho, jerks upright to cough it out, and mutes the game. "What?"
I drop down onto the couch next to him and repeat, "Court and I are getting married. It's a condition in Grandpa Arnie's will. In order to inherit the inn, he needs to be married. It's only for six months."
"Yeah, right."
Howie smirks, notices some guac that's landed on his thigh, and scoops it into his mouth.
Charming.
He also has a knack for missing the bowl when he pisses, hogging all the hot water, and he's eating me out of house and home. I love him more than life itself, but honestly, I'm glad I finally have a reason to kick him out.
"I don't get whyyoumarrying Courtland meansIhave to move out."
"Because I only have two bedrooms."
