Page 88 of The Fallen Man
“We want you on the plane,” said Jackson.
There was silence as she seemed to be working up to something.
“I’m scared of dying.”
“Well, we get that. I mean, it’s hard to say planes are the safest mode of transportation with our family history.”
She nodded. “It’s also the same reason I’m scared to get married.”
Jackson tried to twist his head around the pretzel of that logic.
“I can kind of understand the plane, but you’ve lost me on marriage,” said Jackson honestly.
“It’s what happens. You find somebody, you fall in love, you have two kids and then you die and I don’t want to do that to my kids.”
“Your parents didn’tdothat to you. Pretty sure they had no intention of dying. Also, you don’t have any kids.”
“Yes, all of that has been pointed out,” said Dominique nodding. “And honestly, I didn’t even know that those two things were connected in my head, but after some time spent with Evan’s therapist—who, frankly, is worth every damn penny—it’s quite clear that they are. And it’s also quite clear that I’ve been avoiding some stuff for years. It’s just that having Max talk about marriage made me… you know…”
“Freak the fuck out?”
“Yeah,” she said, looking glum.
“OK, but,” said Jackson, “maybe this is weird, but if I was going to die then going down in a plane crash with all of you really wouldn’t be the worst way to go. It’d be over fast and then at least we could all hang out and be ghosts afterwards.”
“I’m sorry, what did I just walk into?” demanded Evan, coming around the corner.
“Jackson was trying to cheer me up,” said Dominique.
“That is not… How was any of that helpful?”
“It kind of was actually,” said Dominique. “I hadn’t really thought about it like that. I do like all of you. And if I died then at least I’d take all of you with me.”
“I’m not sure that’s what I said,” said Jackson.
“That’s what I heard,” said Dominique. “Evan, on a scale of one to ten how scary is it to face something you’re really anxious about?”
“Everyone’s scale is different. I find honesty really helps and taking someone I trust with me helps even more.”
“So, getting on a plane should be…” Dominique’s voice petered out, then she straightened up and squared her shoulders. “I will have all of you, and I will be fine.”
“But you don’t have to be,” said Evan. “It is OK to not be fine. You can spend the entire flight hiding under the chair and crying and it would still be fine.”
“Ew. No.”
“Yes,” said Evan.
“I don’t want that to be me,” said Dominique, sounding pissed that he would even suggest it.
“Well, honestly, I have a hard time picturing that being you,”said Evan. “But what I’m saying is that you don’t have to be fine. Aiden and I are doing all right. There is room for you to be sad or freak out or even be happy. You don’t have to hold the space for us anymore.”
Jackson watched Dominique’s eyes well up with tears. “I don’t…” Jackson put his arm around her and she leaned into him for a moment. Then she lunged forward and hugged Evan fiercely. Evan closed his eyes and hugged her back.
Aiden came around the corner and stared at them. “I feel like I should be a part of this, but I don’t know how.”
“We can hug if you want,” said Jackson.
“Feels awkward,” said Aiden. “I kind of want one, but now it doesn’t feel spontaneous.” Dominique gave a watery giggle and then turned to hug Aiden. “This is nice. See, spontaneity is key.”
