Page 22 of Outspoken Hearts
"Because you matter to me," I say simply. "What's growing between us matters. I wouldn't just make this decision in isolation."
She withdraws her hand, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear—that nervous gesture I've come to recognize. "That's... considerate. But I don't want to be the reason you turn down something like this."
"That's not what I'm saying." I try to recapture her gaze, but she's looking somewhere past my shoulder now. "I'm saying I want us to discuss it. All the options."
"What options, James?" Now she does look at me, her expression suddenly guarded. "I move to Boston with you after dating for a month? You commute three hours each way? We try long-distance and see each other on weekends?"
"All of those are possibilities," I say carefully. "Or I could turn it down. Stay here."
"And resent me later for holding you back? No thanks." She stands abruptly, taking her plate to the kitchen. "I need a minute."
I remain at the table, my appetite gone. This isn't how I wanted this conversation to go. But what did I expect? That she'd be thrilled about the prospect of me leaving just as we're finding our way to each other?
After a moment, I join her in the kitchen. She's standing at the sink, her back to me, shoulders tense.
"Eva," I say softly, "please talk to me."
"When did you find out about this offer?"
"Today. I came straight here after thinking about it."
She turns, eyes narrowed. "But you've been in discussions with them before, right?"
I hesitate, and she reads my silence.
"So you've known this was a possibility and never mentioned it."
"I met their CEO last month. But it was exploratory. I had no idea they'd consider me for this position."
"And you didn't think to mention that meeting? Even as we were getting closer? Even as we made plans that would keep us working together for months?"
"I didn't think it would lead anywhere."
"A conversation important enough to travel to Boston for, but not important enough to mention to the woman you're seeing." She crosses her arms. "That's a significant omission, James."
She's right. I made a choice to keep that meeting to myself.
"You're right. I should have told you. I'm sorry."
"Is this how it's going to be? You making decisions that affect both of us, and me finding out after?"
"No, that's not?—"
"Because that's exactly how it feels. Like I'm an afterthought."
"Eva, please." I step forward; she backs away. "I want us to figure this out together."
"But you've been thinking about it all day without me. While I was excited about showing you my designs and making dinner, you were deciding whether to leave."
Her words hit hard. She's right again.
"I didn't want to worry you until I had a better handle on my thoughts," I explain. "This affects so many aspects of my life. I wanted to understand how I felt first."
"That's the problem. You're treating your life like it's compartmentalized. But it's all connected. It's all you."
Her insight cuts through my rationalizations.
"I'm trying to unlearn patterns that have been part of my life for decades."
