Page 101 of Fake As Puck
I try to focus on the TV.
Try to enjoy this night with her in my arms.
Try not to think about how empty my house is going to feel once she’s gone.
Try not to wonder if I just made the biggest mistake by asking her to be my fake girlfriend when all I’ve ever wanted is the opposite.
27
I refuse to overthink anything.
So when West announces he’s going to sleep, I turn off the TV and follow behind him. The tension is there in his shoulders again, and he seems a bit distant. Was it something I said?
I follow into his room anyway, and as soon as I reach the bed, I slip under the covers. West turns off the light and slides in beside me.
The room is dark as I scan the silhouettes around. West is completely still. When he invited me to sleep in his bed, I thought it was to cuddle, not whatever this is.
“Was it something I said?” I ask, wondering if that’s why he’s stiff as a board.
He’s silent for too long, so I continue, “I’m not good at this. I’ve never had…” I trail off, unable to finish the thought because I don’t know what he’s thinking.
He mutters, “You said you’d keep in contact with me because we have one more wedding to go to, but then you don’t know what’s going to happen after, so…” He doesn’t finish his sentence. And I’m left to just assume what he was going to say?
“I didn’t mean we stop talking,” I say.
“It’s just… Do you want me or are you only here for the money?”
I scoff, sitting up. “You can’t be fucking serious, West.” I reach over to the lamp and turn it on as I fling the sheets off my body. “This started off as an agreement. One that you arranged!”
He sits up, eyes blazing. “And then we kissed, and we had sex on my couch, Liv. Faking it is out the door!”
“Yeah, but we still have an arrangement. And I’m sorry, but I absolutely do need the money, and that’s not something you would ever understand because you’re so fucking privileged, West. You have no right to judge me!”
He glares at me and then looks at my hands. “I’m not judging you.”
“You literally just said‘do you want me or the money’, and hello, West,” I mock. “Earth to West. I am here for the fucking money!”
He claps his hands loudly, and the light turns off.
Oh, hell no!
I clap my hands, and it turns back on. I glare at him.
He claps his hands again, it turns off.
I clap again, and his face lights up from the lamp.
He claps again. It’s dark in here.
“God!” I scoff, clapping. “Keep the light on!” But I clap too much because it turns back off again. My insides are boiling at the flickering. Finally the light is back on and I’m inching towards him with tears in my eyes.
“You have some fucking balls, West, to sit there and judge me for being here with you and accepting the moneyyouoffered. You have no idea how hard it is out there. LA? LA is a shitshow right now! So, I’m sorry if coming up here helped me escape my reality a little bit.” I start laughing through the tears. “You don’t know what it’s like, West. I can’t even…”
My chest starts heaving, thinking about how much I’ve been stupidly obsessed with West since I’ve known him. It’s so stupid. It’s something that I’ve tried to ignore, this longing, yearning for him.
“Can’t even, what?” he asks.
I look up at the ceiling and wipe my tears. “It doesn’t matter.” I play with my fingers now, wondering how pathetic I sound. “And I’m scared. You’re so…” I squeeze the air in front of me trying to explain what his presence is like.
