Page 85 of Merry Me
Riley: It’s insulting, actually.
Me: Shut up. This is serious. I didn’t sign up for feelings. I signed up for hot guys and tasteful holiday flings.
Casey: Aw, she’s malfunctioning.
Me: I swear to fucking hell…my chest hurts when he smiles. That can’t be normal, right?
Riley: Not normal, but totally on brand for you. Wait, is Easton still wearing those sweaters you told us about? That would explain the symptoms.
Me: Yes. And it’s making my brain do weird things. And my vagina.
Riley: RIP Natalie’s independence, we had a good run.
Casey: Ok, seriously though, why are you acting like love is a tragedy?
Me: Because it is?? Hello, have you ever seen a rom-com? Someone always ends up crying, usually me.
Casey: Yeah, but this is real life…not one of Easton’s movies.
Me: Real life is worse. People leave. Feelings change. It’s not exactly foolproof.
Riley: Easton’s not people, though. He’s your people.
Me: You don’t know that.
Casey: Nat. Be real for a second. Why don’t you want to fall in love?
Me: Because if I fall…What if he doesn’t catch me?
Riley: And what if he does?
Casey: Maybe it’s time to stop thinking about the fall and start thinking about the landing.
Me: Ok, fine, Yoda.
Riley: For real, though, you deserve happiness. Even if it scares you.
Me: Wow. Thanks for making me have feelings in a group chat named after Santa.
Casey: By the way, we did not approve changing the group name to “Santa’s Side Chicks.” Parker almost had a heart attack.
Me: And then you got jiggy with it, right? So, you’re welcome.
Riley: …
Casey: Go kiss Easton and tell him you like him.
Riley: And send pictures or it didn’t happen.
Me: I hate you both. Love you. But also hate you.
Casey: She said “love”! It’s a Christmas miracle!
Me: You’re embarrassing me, Case-face.
Riley: Have fun kissing Easton!
Casey: Tell his sweater we said hi.
