Page 121 of Merry Me
“Natalie,” Easton said beside me, quiet and careful, but it didn’t reach me.
Not yet.
I couldn’t move. Couldn’t blink. Couldn’t stop staring.
Because even after all these years, even after all the mental gymnastics and well-rehearsed excuses I’d built to keep the past buried, seeing him here felt like being a child again. Like waiting on the front porch in my best dress, trying not to cry when he didn’t show.Again.
He didn’t belong here.
He didn’t get to show up now, after staying quiet this whole time—after years of radio silence and nothing else. He didn’t get to see Paige glowing with champagne and soft love or Mom and Steve holding hands like time had made them gentler, not bitter.
He didn’t get to ruin this.
Not again.
I moved so fast my chair knockedover.
Someone—my mom, maybe—said my name, soft and gentle, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. I barely felt Easton’s hand graze mine, a tether I shook off like it burned.
The lodge doors flew open with a burst of cold air, swallowing me whole.
Outside, snow crunched under my heels as I stumbled across the wraparound porch. The cold slapped my cheeks, fresh and unforgiving, like it had been waiting for me to lose it. I gripped the wooden railing with frozen fingers and gasped. One breath. Then another. And another. Each one shallow and useless.
My chest felt too tight. My dress too thin. My thoughts too loud.
I stared out at the trees, their branches heavy with snow, a postcard scene that didn’t belong to me. It belonged to other people. To fairy tales. To people who didn’t feel like a cracked ornament being taped back together for the hundredth time.
Fuck.
I had been seconds from going back to the suite with Easton. From letting him take me somewhere dark and quiet, where the world could fall away. From giving in to the fire between us and letting it mean exactly what it already did. That maybe I was okay. That maybe I was finally free from the part of me that still flinched from the fear of being left behind.
And thenheshowed up.
I pressed a hand to my mouth, squeezing my eyes shut as if I could hold it all in. But the ache was sharp, pressing against my ribs like it had claws.
I wanted to scream. To rip the world apart like he always did.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t ruin this for Paige. I couldn’t just leave and miss her day.
So, I just stood there.
Breathing. Trembling. Hating the way old wounds didn’t stay gone. Hating that the second I saw him, something in me shrank.
I hated that I could still feel Easton’s hand on my thigh and all the ways I had felt wanted. Desired. Chosen.
And I hated that I didn’t feel that way anymore.
Not right now. Not with the past staring at me like a bad punch line.
Behind me, the door creaked, and warm light spilled out onto the snow. Footsteps landed softly on the wooden planks…but I still didn’t turn around. I stared straight ahead, locking my spine in place.
“Natalie.”
Just one word. Just my name.
And still, it scraped down my spine like sandpaper.
