Page 108 of Game of Destiny
“I do. It feels right,” he admitted.
“Good. I always knew you would be a good Alpha, just like your father,” I told him. Like with Elder, it was easy to slip back into how we used to talk. James’ smile faltered.
“How about your injury?” he asked.
“It was not really bad enough to be called an injury. It has healed and it won’t even leave a scar,” I told him.
“Unlike that,” he said, looking at my shoulder. It was hot outside and I had worn an oversized t-shirt. It had slipped down over my shoulder and the scar left from my injury I had received during the attack on the pack was visible. I shrugged. “Who was the one who hurt you?”
“During the game or who caused my scar?” I asked.
“Both.”
“The one causing the scar is dead. For the one during the game, it was just as much my fault. I was annoying and provoking him to the point of him losing control. He got his punishment from the council,” I said. James chuckled.
“You always knew how to provoke someone. Fuck you could be annoying,” he said. I laughed.
“I am good at it,” I agreed.
“Tell me his name and pack and I will make sure he knows he should control himself in the future,” James told me and turned serious.
“No need. It’s not a big deal and if my pack can live with it, so can you,” I insisted. He looked at me for a long time.
“I’m sorry for what I did to you. I shouldn’t have rejected you,” he said. So much for easing into it.
“Thank you,” I said. He sighed and looked down at his hands.
“I was scared.” His confession took me off guard.
“Of what?” I asked. He looked up at me with a sad smile.
“Of not being able to be the mate that you deserved, that everyone expected you to have. My father, your father, uncle Jonas, even the rest of the pack, they all loved you and wanted you to have the perfect mate. When I stepped out of the wood that night and I saw you standing there, so perfect, more beautiful than anyone I had seen. And I got scared I could never be what you deserved,” he told me. I was stunned into silence. It was like reading a new version of a book you knew by heart. He kept looking at me, expecting me to give him a reply.
“So you thought the right thing to do was to call me weak?” I asked. It wasn’t the best response, but it was the first thing to pop into my brain. I saw pain in his face.
“I know it was cruel. But I didn’t think. I was grasping for straws and once I had said it, I couldn’t take it back. After that, I just had to go with it.” I shook my head at his explanation.
“Did you ever stop to think about what those words did to me?” I asked. He looked down on his hands again.
“I know my rejection hurt you,” he said.
“I’m not talking about the rejection, but yes, that hurt. I’m talking about you calling me weak, telling me I was no good without a wolf. That was worse than the rejection. You told me I had no worth. I hid away for four years, on my own amongst humans, because I believed you. I believed I had no value to a pack,” I told him. He paled.
“Amie! No! I never meant for you to think so low of yourself. I was weak and afraid, but I have changed. Now I see how right we are for each other. I know I can be the mate you deserve and I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you if you just give me the chance.” I looked at him.
“It’s too late for that, James.” I sighed. “It’s easy for you to say all those things to me now. I’m strong, I’m confident, I’m what you would look for in a Luna. But what would happen if I gotinjured? If I become weak again? Would you still feel the same way, or would you turn your back on me again?”
“I will always be by your side,” he objected.
“I don’t trust you enough to believe it. James, we were friends before all of this, and I would like to think some of that friendship remains, but your action has consequences. I can’t trust that you have my back when I need it. I can’t accept a mate I can’t trust,” I told him.
“Amie, that is harsh. You know how much I take pride in keeping my word,” he said.
“It is, but so was rejecting me without even giving me a chance. I’m not trying to punish you, or get even. I’m telling you how I feel.”
“What about your wolf? She must be driving you to accept the bond. Mine is, he has been since the day I rejected you. At one point he even refused to come forward unless I was in need of him,” he told me. I felt sorry for him. I could only imagine how it would feel to be at odds with your own wolf. Since mine came to me, we had never had a difference of opinion and it was a comfort to know she always had my back.
“I’m sorry. That sounds terrible. My wolf isn’t driving me, not to accept the bond at least. She doesn’t trust you either. My memories of the rejection are making her distrust you and your wolf.”
