Page 37 of Sugarplum Dreams
They grinned together, and he had a pretty good idea of what they would be doing tomorrow morning, and he was definitely looking forward to it.
“What about children?” Terry asked after she rubbed his foot for a little longer.
He didn’t say anything right away, and she carefully put that foot down and picked up his other foot, ministering to it the same way, and he found himself working hard to not fall asleep.
Children. What did he think about them?
“Well, we had a wagon full of children this evening, and I thought that was fun. Mostly because all I had to do was drive the horses.”
“You were an only child. Maybe you don’t like kids?”
“What does being an only child have to do with liking children?”
“I’m sorry. I suppose you’re right. That wasn’t fair.”
“No, I understood what you were saying. My parents obviously had a different philosophy than yours, and you are wondering if I share it.”
“Something we probably should have talked about before we got married.”
“Why? If you don’t want any kids, I’m okay with that, and if you want twenty, I’m okay with that too. As long as I get you in the bargain.”
“Really? You don’t care?”
She sounded so shocked, he felt like he needed to go back over in his mind what he truly believed. “I guess I really enjoy being at your family’s with all the hubbub and the craziness and all that, but I know that for you, you’ve worked hard to be where you are, and if you have children, you’re probably going to need someone else to watch them for you. I can help in the off-season, and if you want me to, I could even quit my job and raise themfor us, but I guess you’re the one who is going to be the most impacted.”
“If you quit your job, it will impact you.”
“Not like it would impact you. I haven’t worked for the last twelve years to get a degree so that I can practice.”
“True. Still, this isn’t just about me. It has to be about us. Otherwise, it’s not fair.”
“A lot of times, the things in life aren’t fair.”
“I know that’s true.”
She set his foot down gently and moved closer to him, running both hands up and down his calves. That felt almost as good as what she had done to his feet.
“I want you to have an opinion. It bothers me that you don’t.”
“What’s your opinion?” he asked, feeling bad that he had disappointed her. He didn’t want to, but what he had said was true. Whatever worked for her would work for him. He would make sure of it.
“I want a family like I grew up in. I love having a lot of siblings, but I also want to work. You’re right. I spent more than eight years in school to be able to do what I’m doing now. I don’t want to not do it. It’s important to me.”
“So there you go. That’s why my opinion has to be fluid, because you’re the one who’s caught in the dilemma.”
“Maybe once I get my student loans paid off, and I can quit my job if I want to, we can have as many kids as God gives us?”
“If you want to wait that long.”
She paused, looking up at him like she was trying to figure out what he was trying to say. He waited.
“You think I might…be too old by the time I have everything paid off and I’m financially ready to have children?”
“Maybe?” He didn’t know. There were advances in medical techniques which he knew she would know more about than he did, but nothing was guaranteed. “Even if you were young,there’s no guarantee that you could have children. You know? It’s kind of arrogant to assume that as soon as we’re ready, God will be ready to bless us.”
“It is.” She sat thoughtfully, and he waited. He supposed if he thought about it, he’d really want children, and especially now that he had Terry. Because he wouldn’t want to have them with just anyone.
“And there’s no guarantee that I’ll be any kind of a good dad. I guess I worry about that a little bit too. Since you’re right, I was an only child, and I didn’t really see my parents parent anything other than me, and I wasn’t exactly a difficult child.”
