Page 54 of Desert Thorns
“Of course. First of all I think it’s important to know that, yes, the struggle and constant battle is extremely exhausting. But it shows that the Holy Spirit is at work in us. If not, we wouldn’t be fighting. We would be indulging without even thinking about changing. So the fact that it is a battle is a good thing.”
Huh, I’d never looked at it that way.
“Second, we often think it’s a physical battle when in reality it’s spiritual. And for that we need to fight spiritually with the armor of God. That’s why marriage isn’t the answer. You can’t solve a spiritual problem with a physical solution. I’m the best example of that. I had issues before I got married, and the first year of our marriage was wonderful, but I still had the urge to watch porn sometimes.”
That gave me pause. I’d always thought once I was married to a man who matched my sex drive, my needs would be met and the issue would go away. But Coco made a valid point. I didn’t want to bring my issues into my marriage.
“How can we get cured?” I asked.
Coco sighed. “The thing is that, for most of us, it’ll be a lifelong battle. Before you get discouraged, remember that Jesus is in it with us. His power is made perfect in our weakness.”
“This takes the pressure from us,” Bella said.
“Exactly. That doesn’t mean that we just keep doing our thing. We have to persistently seek God and commit to Him. Get rid of everything that makes you stumble. Get an accountability partner. Someone who isn’t in it themselves. Every time you get tempted, cry out to Jesus. Have Bible verses ready to read out loud.”
Hmm, who could be my accountability partner? Maybe my parents, or Noa Rose.
“Now let me pray,” Coco said. “Father, we come before You with our sins and our shame. We ask that You would give us the strength to resist temptation. That You, Holy Spirit, showus what the root cause is that drives us to seek comfort in creation rather than the Creator Himself. Fill us with Your love until there is no room left for other cravings. Thank You for not condemning us, but rather being with us through all of it. In Jesus’s name, amen.”
Even as Bella and I echoed the amen, the knot in my gut loosened. What a beautiful gift God had given me with my friends.
I shifted on the bed. “Can you guys please pray for Kingsley? I know he’ll tell the abbot eventually. The way I know him he just can’t not. The question is what the consequences are.”
Chapter 20
Kingsley
I needed to talk to someone, and the only person I could confide in at the moment was Keaton. Sure, Matt knew, but after everything that had happened between us, I couldn’t talk to him about what I’d done with Harley. Treating him like before wasn’t easy. He, too, seemed to avoid me.
I rolled up to the wrought-iron gate of Keaton and Layne’s property and rang the bell next to a number pad and the speaker of the intercom. Drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, I glanced at the two-story stone house surrounded by a wrought-iron fence and dense jungle. Lights were on, so someone had to be home. Maybe it was just Layne. Keaton usually worked late.
Please, Lord, let him be here.I needed him. Funny, considering he was usually the one who sought counsel from me. But there was really no one else I could go to. Wentworth was deployed, and I wasn’t really close with Tatum. Keaton was a Christian now, too, so he’d understand.
When no one answered, I rang the bell a second time.
Crickets. Probably better if he wasn’t around. Father Cruz had called Darkwater Refuge University and told me to pick up Harley from her friend’s place. So I didn’t really have much time.
“You know what?” I punched in the access code Keaton had given me for emergencies, and the gate opened.
A moment later, I stood in front of the main door and tried that bell, but once again no success. What if something was wrong with Layne? What if she needed help?
I stepped onto the freshly turned soil where once juicy grass had been—the fire had ravaged everything—and rounded the house in the darkness. The farther I walked, the louder the bubbling of water got. Chlorine hung heavy in the air. I’d always loved that smell as a kid, and still did. We would spend hours in the pool until we were wrinkled like old grandpas and our lips blue. Then we’d lie on the stone slabs and let the sun warm us, or when it rained, sit in front of the fireplace until our skin burned from the heat.
The illuminated pool sat empty, so did the outdoor lounge. Chuckling came from the hot tub—
I jerked away from the scene—Layne and Keaton in the steaming water, locked in a passionate kiss. How brainless could I be? Should’ve known they were sharing an intimate moment if they didn’t answer the door.
“Kingsley, is that you?” Keaton called out.
“Yup.” I didn’t dare turn back around, so I stared into the darkness of the jungle instead.
He chuckled. “What the Hades are you doing? Get over here.”
Ah . . .
“We’re decent, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Layne’s voice was saturated with amusement.
“I don’t think your decent agrees with mine.” She was wearing a bikini, I’d caught that much. But I didn’t want to see my brother’s wife in a bikini. I already had enough unholy images Icouldn’t scrub from my mind. Namely the perfect body of Harley Raines. Her long legs, the curve of her hips—
