Page 70 of Joker's Ghost
He sips at the bourbon again. “Okay.”
“You could try to relax and enjoy it.”
“I am,” he says way too fast.
“That’s why your back is stiff and tense, and if you fist that glass any harder, it’s going to shatter.”
“I just got a lot on my mind.”
“Yes, I know, you’ve been telling me that for the last six weeks, but when I ask you exactly what, you shut down.”
“It’s not important.”
“It is to me.”
He braces his hand against the couch cushion, and I hold him back from standing. “Not this time. There are no interruptions, and there’s nowhere you need to be except right here telling me what’s bothering you.”
He rakes his hand through his hair but doesn’t answer.
“We can sit here all night, but you’re not getting any of that chicken or the homemade biscuits until you tell me.” I sip some wine. “And Madeline will be pissed if her chicken recipe gets soggy, so spill.”
“You really are a pain in the ass.”
“I know you mean that in the best possible way.”
He huffs out a breath. “I just . . . I just?—”
I bite my bottom lip forcing myself to stay quiet.
“I wanted everything to be perfect for you this time with the pregnancy and the delivery, and I fucked up again. I mean, how many chances does a man get to do it right?”
“Don’t you know perfect doesn’t exist in real life?”
“Sure not the fuck in my life.”
“Not in anyone’s life.”
“But most people don’t have deranged stalkers coming at them and their family.”
“Okay, but I signed on for this life, and don’t kid yourself, ‘cause everybody’s got some shit. Some women can’t get pregnant, and yet we’ve been blessed with two perfect little girls and a son who adores them. Some people have teenagers who are in trouble all the time, and we have a son who’s not only acing his grades at UNLV but got accepted into the master’s program in accounting as a freshman.”
“He did?”
“Shit, I wasn’t supposed to tell you yet. Just forget I said that and act surprised when he tells you.”
“Fuck, that’s awesome. The first kid in my family to go to college, and he’s killing it.”
“Right, so those are all the things, plus a nice home, and a successful business with enough money to maybe buy a bigger home. Plus, the Serpents and all their old ladies who will always have our back. Yeah, I’d say we’re pretty fuckin’ lucky.”
“When you put it like that, I feel like a shit.”
“No, that’s exactly wrong. What you feel is what you feel,but you have to let it out, and you have to talk about it. If not to me, then I can call Dr. Stevens. She was amazing with me, and when we went for our couples sessions, you liked her too.”
“The last time, you took it all so hard, and that’s why I wanted it all to go right for you this time.” He gazed up at the ceiling. “The last time, I was so strong, and now . . .”
“That’s what makes us so perfect. When I desperately needed help, you were there, and now you need help, and I’m here.” I squeeze his hand. “If you ask me, it’s the perfect combination.”
“I don’t know. Being a part of my life has cost you so much.”
