Page 144 of The Restoration Program
Ryan felt his legs give out. She was…
She had to be…
No.
He crashed onto his knees, hands white and shaking as he reached to touch her. “Hey, hey. Say something, Nicki,please!Stay with me. Nicole?Nicole!”
Ryan turned her over. She was warm to the touch, but no more animated than a broken doll. Dark blood dribbled from her mouth and an open gash on the side of her neck. Her eyes were half-lidded, unfocused and unseeing. He put his thumb on her cheek, and her tiny head lolled with the touch. Ryan flinched away with a sob.
“No. No, no, no…”
An awful chill snaked through him, a cold he had never known.
Even in the hospital—after the accident, when he’d endured watching her be confined to that bed with a breathing apparatus and tubes stuck into every inch of her skin… He’d never had to truly lose her. And now she was truly, fully dead.
Because of him.
The silence and certainty of it washed over him, and something in him withered away forever. His rage seconds ago felt like a child’s now. He ached to turn back time—just a few moments, and she would be alive in his hands again.
All he knew was Nicole’s tiny, mangled body in his hands as he laid on the carpet next to her and sobbed into her.
“I’m sorry, I’msorry. I’m so sorry.” His tears soaked her minuscule sweater. The delicate weight of her sagged against his cheek where he cradled her. “I didn’t m-mean to. I’m sorry, babe. I’m so sorry…”
Tell me what a monster I am,he thought desperately.Say you’ll never forgive me.Say anything.
Shuddering, he pulled her away. Nicole’s expression was unchanged. From below the neck, he could almost pretend she was sleeping. He desperately wished she would sigh and turn over in his hands to snuggle into a more comfortable position.
He wasn’t sure how long he stared.
Darlene’s incessant shouting and banging chipped away at his numbness.
“Nicole? Nicole! What did you do? What did you do to her, you fucker!”
Ryan was cemented to the carpet. He blocked Darlene out and continued to hold Nicole—hisgirl.He stroked her hair delicately, replaying the moment he dashed her to the ground over and over.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. His lips brushed her cooling body. He said it again, a dozen times, a hundred times.
His fragile mantra ended when he heard new voices outside the door.
“Here!” Darlene said frantically, a modicum of relief in her voice. “He’s in here, please hurry!”
“Ma’am, you’re going to need to step aside.”
“No, I need toseeher—”
There was a harsh knock from the other side.
“Sheriff’s office,” a man’s voice declared. “Mr. Northe, can you unlock the door?”
Ryan shuddered and hugged Nicole closer, knowing she was about to be taken away from him. He’d never lay eyes on her again. He frantically tried to memorize every detail. The police knocked again.
“Mr. Northe, we have reason to believe your wife is in immediate danger. This is your final warning to unlock the door.”
He didn’t budge, not even when something banged against the door with ear-splitting intensity. After three ear-splitting blows, the door crashed open. Ryan clutched Nicole protectively as two uniformed officers barged in, guns held at the ready.
Ryan shook as he looked up at them. Slowly, he pulled Nicole away to gaze down at her, fresh tears welling up as he choked out, “I… S-she’s dead. I killed her. She’s dead. She’sdead.”
He waited. The cops would tear Nicole from him, drag him away in handcuffs.
