Page 15 of The Restoration Program
“Hey.” Ryan’s soft voice was equal measures comforting and terrifying. Nothing about her world was trulysoftanymore. He set her glass aside and reached toward her, but he stopped and lowered a loose fist to the table when she held an arm up for him to stop. He leaned in closer, peering with concern. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“What’swrong?” Nicole laughed in disbelief. “What’swrongis that you’re being way too cool about this!”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what thefuck?” Her voice grew shrill, harsh. “Isn’t this fucking weird for you, too? How can you look at me and not see some science fiction freak of nature?”
“Of course it’s strange,” he stammered. “Never in a hundred years did I ever expect…” Ryan trailed off with a long breath. “But I seeyou. I see the woman that I love.”
It was the perfect answer, which only fueled her discontent. Nicole wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt and kept her gaze pointed down at her bare feet. She felt terrible that she couldn’t return the sentiment without her throat closing up. He was saying all the right things, but the knot in her stomach remained. “I’m worried you haven’t thought all of this through. We came here together aspartners. You never signed up to have some pet girlfriend around the house indefinitely.”
“Stop talking like that,” Ryan said sharply.
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
Her chest shuddered with sobs that begged for release. “There’s so much I can’t ever do again. I can’t drive a car. You’ll have to drive me everywhere.”
“Okay.” He nodded patiently. “That’s okay.”
“And my job a-and the bills. How am I supposed to help with any of that?”
“I’ve got it figured out with the complex. I ran some numbers and–”
“What about cooking?” Tears sprang to Nicole’s eyes. She dragged her hands from her scalp to cover her face. “I can’t use my own fucking pots and pans. I won’t be able to help, like, at all anymore.”
“Just order me takeout.”
He was joking, but it was the calmness that strained her. She snapped her head up, resentment surfacing with panic.You did this to me,she thought, and glared at him with wide, wet eyes. “We can’t fuck, either! Our sex life…Shit, Ryan! What are we supposed to do?”
“Well… We can get creative. Historically speaking, that’s something we’ve been damn good at. Right?” Ryan arched an eyebrow at her, a wolfish smirk pulling at his lips.
She clenched her jaw, offering silence. It was hard to even imagine moving from the kitchen table, let alone…
“I’m sorry. I know what I said at the hospital, but I don’t know if I can do this,” she whimpered. Nicole turned, but something grasped at her hand. She jerked to find Ryan had closed the space between them, his fingers and thumb loosely wrapped around hers. They both froze. Then, he gave a tentative pull, urging her closer to him. He was careful, watching her face as she gulped shallow breaths.
“Look at me.” He curled a finger under her chin, tilting her head up. “It’s okay.”
He was gentle, but she could feel the new strength in his touch. Nicole forgot to breathe as his thumb curled in, brushing her cheek. She wasn’t used to being fawned over with such tender scrutiny, like she was a fragile piece of art. They stared at each other.
“Can I hold you?” Ryan whispered. “Please?”
Although the simple answer wasno, Nicole couldn’t bring herself to say so. She pretended to ponder his request, filling the silence with slow movements. She ran a hand along one of his fingers, marveling at the warmth of his skin. Tracing up to the thumb on her cheek, all she could think about was the startling grasp he’d greeted her with in the Facility.
“Ry…” She couldn’t speak at the quiet volume she desired—not if she wanted to be heard. Her voice cracked when she put more force behind it. “I… I can’t.”
“You don’t have to do anything. All you have to do is trust me. And hold still.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t make myself. I-I’m sorry.”
“You don’t trust me?”
“I do! I don’t trustthis.” She gestured at her body and gave his finger another tentative pat. “Isn’t this enough for now?”
Breathing out a disappointed sigh, he slowly pulled away as though she might try to draw him back.
She didn’t. She let her hands fall to her sides, a tiny part of her aching for his touch. Far too tiny for her to act on it.
