Page 73 of The Restoration Program
“Don’t,” she gasped. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. “Don’t say it. Please.”
“Why?” His voice sounded so fragile.
“Because if you do propose, I’ll say y-yes. And I love you too much to do that to you.”
Nicole couldn’t bear to see Ryan’s face fall in the lamplight. She was equally terrified that hewouldlisten to her. Never propose. Leave her well enough alone and move on.
“You say that like marrying you would be some kind of curse,” he said. “But Iwantthis. Newness and all.”
“You don’t know what you want,” Nicole sniffed. “Newness…”
Ryan held out his open palms to her. Motivated by sheer stubbornness, she placed her hands on his despite his uncertainty. His body heat intimately met her in the stillness. She flexed her fingers, watching his hands react minutely, like he was being prodded by a needle.
“What if I proposed to you right here and now?” he asked.
“Don’t you dare.”
“If you sayyes,I can spend the rest of our lives telling you how wrong you were.”
Nicole laughed through her tears. “I know you’re joking… but I also know you’re not.”
“Find out for yourself.”
His hands closed gently over hers. She stared, unmoving. His hands were so big now, but they were stillhisand she loved them. She loved every detail about them.
Nicole kissed his curled fingers and sent up a doleful look. “I’m sorry. I’m fucking up your night.”
“You’re not.”
“Am so.”
“We’ve gotta have uncomfortable conversations sometime, right? It’s important.”
“I’m tired of important conversations.” Nicole felt her lips part as she gazed up at him.Hers,for as long as she had him. “I just want to lie here and just be fucking crazy about you.”
Words stopped then. Ryan voice-commanded the light off and folded one arm around her. She let herself be coddled and comforted as he kissed the top of her head and whispered sweet nothings over and over.
Slowly, the hummingbird fluttering inside her began to ebb. His strong arms pulled her flush against his chest, surrounding her entirely in the heat of his bare skin and thethump, thump, thumpof his steady heartbeat. She rocked gently with each of his deep, steady breaths. Nicole tried to memorize it all. Even as he cradled her, she couldn’t help but feel like Ryan’s mind was still busy and far away.
She pressed a hand against his chest. Ryan shifted and ducked his chin down to see her, eyebrow quirked inquisitively.
“We’ll try this again sometime. The yarn and stuff,” she said.
“Oh. Nicki…”
“No, I want to! I just need a little time. It’ll be fun. And it’s good to know you can still surprise me after all this time.”
He searched her face carefully and seemed to relent—intrigued, but cautious. Ryan gave her the sweet kind of smile that should have made her knees go weak. “You’ll feel more like yourself soon. Theonlyyou.”
She leaned her head against his heartbeat again, hoping he was right.
DAY SEVENTY-ONE
“Why does it feel like we’re gonna get quizzed on this?” Nicole said.
It was mid-morning, and she was lounging on her armchair in front of the laptop on the coffee table. The world was changing rapidly since the Restoration Program had gone public. Nicole only watches bits and pieces of the media storm, and even that was a lot to digest. Burman had emailed a livestream link, suggesting that everyone watch so they could discuss it in the next session. The broadcast’s logo spun slowly in the center while “Stream Starting Soon”crawled across the bottom.
Carlos shrugged from the video chat window in the corner of the screen. He was still in bed, surrounded by white sheets and propped against a pillow.
