Page 37 of The Restoration Program
“Let’s see.” Ryan dropped his head back. “Everything feels out of reach?”
“Very good empathy,” she said in a bright, toddler-praising voice.
His laugh made her waver on his chest. “But getting around’s better with the accommodations, right?”
“Definitely. It’s easier to get between rooms, but I still don’t have full control of where I want tostandin a room.”
“I get it. But it’s better than nothing, right?”
“Let’s focus on what my life is likewithoutthese walkways and ramps, okay?” She brought the attention back to the view of the room, gesturing widely. “What else do you notice?”
“I mean, everything seems far away. Not just out of reach like the back of the couch or the tabletops, but also the distance to get here, right?”
“This isn’t a quiz,” she said with a chuckle. “But yes. Anything else?”
Narrowing his eyes, he looked around again. There was something sweet about how hard he concentrated, trying to understand what life was like to be less than a foot tall. When he came up empty after a minute, Nicole cleared her throat.
“The worksheet mentioned this might happen,” she said. “So I’m supposed to help by pointing things out that you didn’t notice. For example… Can you see out the window from here? Can you see all the exits of this room?”
He paused to frown in the direction of every door, then shook his head.
“Exactly,” she said. “Now how does that make you feel?”
“How does it makeyoufeel?” he countered.
She pressed her lips into a thin line. “Isolated. Trapped, sometimes.”
The warmth of his hand became more all-encompassing as he curled two fingers around her waist and squeezed gingerly. “Babe, if the ramps don’t get you where you want to go, you know I’ll carry you anywhere you need. You never have to be stuck on the floor like this.”
Nicole thoughtfully rubbed the side of his finger, feeling the strength of him, the alien details of the hands she had known for years.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t want to be carried everywhere.”
“Am I bad at it?” Ryan started to sit up, forcing her to brace for balance on her hands and knees.
“Isaiddon’t take it the wrong way.”
“I’m not, I’m not.” Ryan sighed, dropping back down and resigning his gaze to the ceiling. “I guess know what you mean.”
“You’regreat,” Nicole pressed into a brighter voice. “I loveyou. It’s just something that’s never going to feel normal, being toted around like a little kid.”
“It doesn’t feel that way to me.”
“No?” Nicole’s playful grin came effortlessly as she wiggled her hips to cocoon herself between Ryan’s hands. She invited his grip to tighten by hugging his fingers over her legs and shoulders, with his thumbs resting over her stomach. “What does it feel like then? Like carrying a very sassy chihuahua? A Barbie with impeccable taste? Tell me everything.”
He chuckled. “That’s reductive. And you’re turning this exercise on its head. The folks at the Program are gonna dock you points for this when I tell them.”
“Traitor.”
Ryan clicked his tongue. Then he was quiet. His eyes closed and his hands squeezed her—gently, slowly, exploringly.
“It feels…” He trailed off.
Nicole wondered if his touch registered her hammering heart. Under a sheer slip of arousal, some animal instinct was telling her to break free and run before he snapped her arm like a twig.
“It’s like… I’ve always loved your body. And now I can feel you all at once. Just like this.” With scarcely a lift of his wrist, he shifted her to one hand. The other remained draped around her. “I can feel how… delicate you are. Fragile. But it’s stillall you.All of you. Right here. It’s… it’s kind of beautiful, Nicki.”
She found herself strangely breathless, trying to process a twist of emotions she hadn’t been prepared to face during this exercise. His tone was gentle and reverent, but the blatant reminder of her fragility didn’t sit well. She considered reminding him thathewas the one who was supposed to feel something by coming down to her level, but then again, she had asked him to explain himself.
