Page 25 of His Christmas Star
We sat in silence, waiting for that next breath to come. For his chest to rise and fall once more, but it didn’t. It just didn’t.
“He’s gone,” Tobi whispered. “He’s gone, Jo-Jo.”
She turned and buried her face in my chest, a sob racking her body as I held her. I cried silent tears as I watched the life drain from the man who had always been bigger than life to me. I regretted that I hadn’t come sooner when he could speak, so we could clear the air, but I was also relieved to know that even as he was ready to leave me, he found a way to tell me the most important things. He loved me, and he was proud of me. What more could a man ask for from his father?
Daddy’s hand fell from Tobi’s, and she wrapped hers around my neck, her tiny body on my lap and her arms seeking comfort from me. “He loved you,” I whispered to calm her. “And at the end, you gave him the greatest gift by being here to ease him into a new place. I could never be that brave. I would have begged him to stay.”
Her sobs slowed, and she sniffled a few times before she spoke. “Maybe at first, but you could see in his eyes he was already there, right? He was already taking the journey, and it was time to let him finish it. I’m sorry, Joe. He was one of the greatest men I’ve ever known.”
“Same, darling,” I whispered, kissing her temple. “He lived a good, long life, and it’s hard right now, but we have to remember the gifts he left us with and not the pain of his leaving.”
“I know. Daddy was ready before the second stroke, and I didn’t want him to suffer, but I’ll miss him.”
I tightened my arms around her and sighed. “Me too, Star. Me too.”
The kitchen at Heavenly Lane was warm and quiet when we arrived back from the nursing home. I’d insisted that Joe leave his truck there and let me take him to the station to talk to his people. Once that was done, he looked too exhausted to drive, so I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I brought him back to Heavenly Lane.
“I’m so sorry, Joe,” Heaven said when she set a cup of coffee down on the table and sat across from him. “Is there anything we can do?”
Although I could see mental and emotional exhaustion in his eyes, Joe smiled. “Thanks, Heaven. He was ready, and I certainly wouldn’t want him to have to live the way he was today.” He turned to me with a pleading gaze. “Right? He wouldn’t want that.”
“He wouldn’t,” I agreed, letting him take my hand to hold. “He was ready to go before the second stroke this morning. It was hard, but I was glad to have gotten there to say goodbye.”
“Me too,” Joe said with a sad smile on his face. “It was wrong to be so angry with him, but hopefully, I made up for it in the end. I wasn’t going to go see him today, you know,” he said, glancing between us. “I was going to pretend the office needed me, but I’d already been a coward once, and something was telling me to go.”
“How were you a coward once?” I asked, glancing at Heaven, who shrugged.
“I went to see him the other day, but he was sleeping, so I left. I just didn’t want to have that discussion with him, and now it’s too late.”
“What discussion?” Heaven asked. “About letting him go?”
Joe sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. Before he could say anything, I stood and put my arms around his shoulders. “It’s okay to keep it private.”
Heaven held up her hand and waved it. “Absolutely. I don’t need to know the details.”
Before Joe could say anything, Dawn, Amity, and Cece came through the back door.
“We got your text and came as soon as we could,” Amity said, shedding her gloves and hat. “Joe, I’m so sorry for your loss. And sweet Tobi, he certainly thought the world of you.”
She gave us both a hug and then busied herself getting out food that no one was going to eat, but that’s what moms do. They feed us when we’re feeling bad, offer us hugs, and will do anything to make us feel better.
Cece and Dawn offered their condolences with a hug and then grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at the table.
“How can we help with the arrangements?” Dawn asked.
“I’m happy to make a meal,” Cece said without hesitation.
“Thank you,” Joe said, “but Daddy Nash didn’t want a service. We stayed at the nursing home until they picked him up. He’ll be cremated and scattered back on his land at the ranch.”
“That certainly sounds like the Daddy Nash I knew,” Heaven said with a gentle smile. “He always kept things simple and never wanted anyone to fuss over him or make a big deal out of anything he did to help others.”
“Maybe you and Tobi should scatter his ashes and then come back here for a meal,” Cece said. “You can share stories about him, so those of us who didn’t know him well can know him better.”
Joe nodded a few times and tried to smile, but his lips shook more than anything. “I’d like that,” he finally said.
The back door opened with a gust of cold air, and then a little body streaked across the floor to climb up on Joe’s lap. Poppy Rose patted his face with her tiny hands and then wrapped them around his neck to hug him.
Caleb closed the door and shook his head at the little girl. He walked to the table and kissed his fiancée before grabbing a cup of coffee. “We were in the barn, and she wouldn’t stop fussing. She kept trying to escape to the house, so I brought her over. I hope you don’t mind.”
