Page 10 of His Christmas Star
“Joe, that wasn’t your job.”
His arms tightened around me, and he buried his nose in my neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps the length of my body. What was happening right now?
“It was the only way I knew how to take care of you, Tobi. Mostly, I hoped that one day, you’d forgive me.”
I tightened my arms around him and buried my head deeper into his chest. “That day is today, Joe.”
As if a balloon deflated, his body draped across me. He was exhausted. Physically and emotionally. It was my fault that he suffered so long. The way he held me, the way he took the blame, and my anger, for years, made me wonder if he cared about me as more than friends. I was just too much of a coward to ask and have my heart broken all over again in the very same place as last time.
Chapter Four
“Come on, Dolly,” I cooed, encouraging the horse into the formation as we walked around the ring. “You’re the leader, so you better do your part.” I patted her bottom, and she lifted her head until she made eye contact with me. The next second, she fell into place, picking the perfect cantor to keep the other horses in line behind her.
Since Dolly came to live on the ranch, we’d purchased three other Haflinger horses for the therapy school. The horses were short and broad, making them sturdy horses for kids and young adults to learn to ride. They bore the added weight of the modified saddle well, and their personalities lent themselves well to wanting to please their owner. That made them the perfect horse for what we were doing here. They weren’t easy to come by, though, so we always had feelers out to find more for the stable.
I kept a keen eye on each horse as they trotted, looking for anything in personality or physicality that would keep them from being successful for the school. I saw nothing, but I shouldn’t be surprised. Other than Dolly, Caleb and I had handpicked each of these horses for the school.
My mind drifted to another cowboy who spent more time in an SUV than the saddle now. My heart clenched again in shame for how poorly I’d treated him over the last dozen years. Why did he let me get away with it for so long?
You needed someone to blame, and if I let you blame me, that kept you in my life.
I had no idea how to feel about what he’d told me in the woods yesterday. All these years, he was shouldering the pain and the blame of Cody’s death, so I didn’t have to. That was more than public service. That was…
Love.
No. I shook my head as the horses continued to follow one another around the ring. Joe didn’t love me. At least not in that way. Maybe he did as a friend, but nothing more. Never anything more. I would love him until the day I died but was also never more aware of how unmatched we were as a couple.
Is that the truth or is that you letting fear keep you from finding out?
I groaned. Never had I hated that little voice more. It had dogged me for the last eighteen hours since I sent Joe home, and I climbed into my bed alone. From what I could see, Joe deserved someone better than me, and whether that was fear or the truth, it didn’t matter. That was how it was going to be.
“Hey, Tobi,” Caleb said, walking into the ring and bracing a foot up on the gate. “How are the girls today?”
I slowed the horses to a walk and then gave them the signal to break. Dolly trotted over and nuzzled his hand for some attention, making Caleb laugh as he loved up the silly horse.
“There’s your answer,” I said, leaning against the gate. “They’re in good shape for being new. Jolene, Rachel Ann, and Little Sparrow follow Dolly well. The best way to train new horses is with a solid lead horse.”
“I still can’t believe you talked me into naming all the horses after Dolly Parton songs.” He shook his head like he was the biggest pushover on the ranch. He was, but that was beside the point.
“Don’t feel bad about being a pushover, Caleb. Their names are good conversation starters for the older kids and adults who come for therapy. Sometimes, you need a stepping-off point to connect with someone who might be timid. The horses’ names could be that point.”
“And that’s the only reason I agreed to it,” he said with a chuckle. “Well, that and it’s an adorable idea. Okay, I am a pushover and a sucker. Let’s move on.”
I laughed when Dolly shoved her snout in my neck with demands for more attention to be paid to her. I hugged her and then pushed her way to focus on my boss. “I think we’re ready for a trial run. I know we’re in a transition period as we get ready to leave the dude ranch behind and bring it more into the guest ranch we envision, but if we bring one student out at a time and only for an hour session, we can accomplish that easily. We just need to get students on their backs who are bigger than Poppy Rose.”
“I agree. I’ll talk to Dawn and Heaven, but I think they will too. I would suggest we wait until the beginning of January. People are so busy in December it might be a headache trying to get people to follow through.”
“Excellent point. How about if we book the students this month to start next month? I’ll do just one student a day for two hours, and that will include everything required from introduction to riding to brushing out the horse after their ride. I’ll focus on the applicants we have with some experience around horses for the trial, simply because we don’t need to worry about them being scared by the horse.”
“All fair. I’ll get the go-ahead from the partners, and then you can work on setting it up. Once you have the schedule, make sure to share it with me. I’ll be available those days that way.”
“The insurance is in play already?” I asked, wanting to make sure there would be no delay if I started setting up clients.
“Absolutely. We’re ready to go other than the weather situation. The ring is heated, but until spring hits, we can’t do any trail rides. Once the weather turns nicer, we can start the day camps with more kids. We all need a breather to regroup after switching gears so quickly on the dude ranch.”
“I do feel bad about that,” I agreed, resting my bottom on a rung of the gate. “I know we’re making the right move, though. Sure, we could have kept catering to the cowboy wannabes, but I think the therapy school adds far more to our community than teaching guys how to rope a cow for a week. Heaven wants her ranch to have a legacy that her daughter can be proud of years from now, and she sees this as the way to do that. Sure, we’ll still host groups, but this allows us to use horses as therapy for those groups as well. Even if it’s simply relaxation therapy.”
“We all agree one hundred percent, which is why once spring arrives, we’re going to hire another therapist. We’re hoping it will be someone schooled not with horses but with people.”
