Page 6 of Due North
The light came on in both of their eyes, and Amity reached across the table and took my hand. “I didn’t know you had any siblings.”
“I had one. My sister, Allie,” I choked out, the pain in my chest overwhelming me when I tried to speak. Using the past tense in reference to her was destroying what was left of my heart.
“Something happened to her?”
I nodded twice while I bit back tears. “Allie passed away on Monday night. I didn’t know she was hooked on drugs. I really didn’t,” I said on a whimper, holding Poppy tighter to me. “I would have gotten her help if I had known.”
Amity squeezed my hand tighter. “Sweetheart, you aren’t the first sister not to know, and you won’t be the last.”
“Did you see her a lot?” Dawn asked as she wiped the tears from my cheeks.
“Every Tuesday night,” I said, clearing my throat. “I told you guys it was book club, but that was a lie. That was the night I always spent with them.”
“You could have told us the truth,” Amity said, her tone of voice telling me she was confused.
“It wasn’t you guys, I swear,” I cried, swallowing around the pain in my throat. “It was the way we grew up. I’d learned over the years to keep my life separate from Allie’s. That sounds terrible.” I bit back a sob and buried my nose in Poppy’s head. After I gathered myself, I glanced up at the two ladies waiting for an explanation. “Allie didn’t always make the best choices. Frequently, sticky situations arose that had to be dealt with, but I didn’t want to bring that to the ranch. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” Dawn assured me.
“Over the last month, I noticed Poppy didn’t want me to leave. She’d cling to me and cry, sob actually, and I just thought she was going through a stage. It turns out, Allie wasn’t taking care of her the way she should have been. I see it now! Why didn’t I see it before?”
“Because you weren’t looking for it,” Amity said, her voice soft and nonjudgmental. “It’s not your fault, Cecelia. People hide their drug addictions from the people they love out of shame or the misguided idea that they can stop whenever they want. Like it’s no big deal. That’s not on you.”
“It was a big deal,” I said on a sob. “Allie died early Tuesday morning in the bathtub while Poppy slept. A neighbor found Poppy Rose walking around outside without boots or a coat, and that’s when they discovered Allie. Anything could have happened to her!” I held Poppy to me tighter and kissed the top of her head as Dawn wiped my face again.
“How old is Poppy?” Dawn asked, her eyes glued to the little waif of a girl in my arms.
“Three, but she’s developmentally delayed,” I answered, relaxing my arms a bit when Poppy squirmed in them.
“You’ve got her now,” Amity reminded me. “She knows you love her. You can do this.”
I shook my head while my lips trembled with all the fear bubbling up inside my soul. “I don’t think I can. I’m only twenty-four! I know nothing about raising children,” I cried, my grief pouring out of me now that I was with people who loved me. “My heart is breaking for this little girl who lost her mommy, for the loss of the only other family I had left, and fear that I’m going to screw her up because I don’t know what I’m doing!”
Dawn rubbed my back and let me cry, wiping my eyes until I got myself back under control. “Our heart is breaking for you, Cece. You should have reached out to us. We would have helped you.”
“I was terrified, Dawn. I wasn’t thinking straight. It took me three days to decide all I could do was come back here.”
“It’s all very overwhelming, but you love that little girl,” Amity said, smiling at Poppy again. “That’s all you have to do right now. Just love her. Let us do the rest.”
“I can’t,” I said, swinging my head toward Dawn. “I have to work. Poppy is my responsibility now. Please, don’t fire me. I know I took off, and I should have called, but I wasn’t in my right mind, I swear. I just didn’t know what to do. I’m so screwed.”
Caleb came through the kitchen door at that moment in a flannel shirt, jeans, and stocking feet. My heart calmed instantly. It happened whenever he was in the room. It was an odd sensation to be so worked up and then suddenly just be calm. “No one is getting fired, right, Miss Dawn?” he asked, sitting down on the other side of me. He held a stuffed bear in his hands with several different spinners, gadgets, and buttons on its belly.
Poppy sat up when she spotted it and reached out to Caleb for the bear. He handed it to her, but she refused to take it, grunting until he pulled her onto his lap. She sat against his chest, spinning the dials on the bear and sucking her thumb happily.
“Well, that’s new,” I said, wiping my face with the tissue Dawn had given me. “She doesn’t usually like men. I had to pick her up from the hospital Tuesday morning because she cried so much when the police approached her that she passed out.”
Amity knelt next to my chair, gathering me in her arms and holding me the way a mother would when her daughter was upset. It felt so good that I draped myself over her shoulder and held on for dear life.
“It’s okay, Cecelia. You have a new way of life now, but look at that sweet baby and tell me it won’t be worth it. You need each other.”
Dawn reached around to wipe my eyes. “She’s right, and we need you. We’re going to make sure you have the help you need to take care of Poppy so you can keep working.”
Amity patted my back encouragingly. “You have a grandma-in-residence right here. We’ll make sure she gets all the love she needs.”
I sat up and wiped my face while I gazed at the people around me. “You all have your own duties here. I can’t put more on your plate. Amity, Heaven needs your help with Eden, too.”
“Miss Heaven will be along in a few minutes,” Caleb said. “She was waiting for Eden to wake up. Then she’s going to bring some toys over so the girls can play together.”
