Page 85 of Honeybees and Sexy Tees
We didn’t know that for sure yet, but my gut told me I would never carry Mattie’s child. The ultrasound and subsequent CT scan had shown extensive scarring of the uterus along with multiple fibroids. I had an appointment next month at Mayo in Rochester with a specialist, but I wasn’t holding out much hope. “Maybe not, but you said listen to my gut, so I am. My gut says it won’t happen without a lot of money, which could be spent on providing a life for kids already on this earth. I struggle with it. I want a baby of our own, but I also know the good that money could do.”
He brought my hands to his lips to kiss. “We have enough money for both if that’s what we decide. All I’m asking is that you don’t dwell on it until the time comes for us to decide together. Okay?”
I nodded, and we stared out over the water again. “I don’t find the same pleasure in looking out over the Lady of the Lake the way I used to,” I sighed. “Do you think I’ll ever get that feeling of wonderment back instead of fear?”
“I can tell you from experience, yes, you will. I remember when I got off the yacht after that party, I swore I would never so much as set foot on that lake again. I was so guilt-ridden and disgusted with myself that I took it out on the place rather than the who.”
I rubbed his back, sensing the hunching of his shoulders when he spoke. “Mattie, none of that was your fault. You know that you didn’t do anything during those hours you couldn’t remember. He gave you a date rape drug.”
He did the so-so hand. “It kind of was my fault, though. I trusted someone I shouldn’t have, and that’s the reason I was put in that position to start with.”
I shook my head vigorously. “You can’t blame yourself. You didn’t know he and Emil had hatched this plan.”
“Maybe, but getting that call from Emil saying that he had you was like a knife in the gut. This time it was you in danger on a yacht in the middle of Lake Superior because of me. I’ll live with that the rest of my days.”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “I’d rather you put it behind you and move on with me. Just stop torturing yourself for everything that happened in the past. It’s the past. You aren’t the same person now that you were back then. You learned from it, you grew from it, and you changed because of it. If you keep your mind stuck there, you’ll never be able to give me one hundred percent of you.”
He stood abruptly and took my hand. “You’re right. You’re absolutely, positively, one hundred percent correct, again. Come here.” He pulled me toward the water and bent to pick up two rocks. He handed me one. “Do you feel that?” he asked, rubbing his hand over his rock, so I did the same.
“It’s smooth,” I said, flipping it over.
“Because it’s been tumbled around in the water for who knows how long. And you’re right: with every tumble, it became a different rock until it landed up here. I’m going to take this rock, and I’m going to put everything I’m carrying around that’s keeping me from being the kind of man you need onto it. I’m going to throw it back out into that dark water and let it sink to the bottom or get picked up and tossed around again for another fifty years. Whichever the case, those are burdens I no longer have to carry.”
He held the rock to his head, his eyes closed and his lips moving in silence. I followed his lead and filled the rock with my pain, fears, insecurities, and imperfections.
I stared at it, the rock hanging low in my hand. “It suddenly feels much heavier.”
“Mine does too. That’s the point. If we’ve put our burden on the rock, we no longer carry it ourselves. Ready?” He raised the rock behind his head in a pitcher’s pose. I followed suit, and he counted down. “Three, two, one,” he whispered, and we let those rocks sail into the water. It was too dark to see where they landed, but with the stillness and silence of the air, I was free again.
I pulled him into a hug. “You’re a wonderful man, Mattie Jørgensen,” I whispered. “Remember that, if you remember nothing else.”
He kissed my cheek and trailed his lips down my neck. “I will now because there’s nothing else on my mind but you and me and the life we can live together. Come with me. I want to show you something.” He took my hand and pulled me along behind him toward the cove.
“I think I’ve seen this,” I teased, tickling his ribs. “It sure seems like forever ago that we spent the night here.”
He stopped at the opening and kissed my lips for hardly a moment, then held up his finger and ducked inside. The same as last time, a glow came from within almost instantly, but this time music floated toward me as well. I looked down as I stepped inside and found rose petals scattered along the sand.
“Mattie?” I asked, ducking inside the cave and coming to a halt at the sight in front of me. There were roses and rose petals everywhere, practically filling every inch of the cave. There was champagne chilling in a bucket next to the fire, and Mattie sat on the blanket, motioning me in to sit next to him. “This is breathtaking,” I whispered, my gaze darting everywhere at once. “You did all of this?”
He smiled and kissed me, his lips roving over mine in a familiar dance of joy and wonderment with a side of extra smoking hot lust. “Mor and Far helped,” he answered when he came up for air. “They stopped to set it all up while we unloaded the van.”
“It’s so romantic. I love it,” I whispered. “Thank you. I think you might have just given me my wonderment back about the Lady of the Lake.”
He turned and poured two flutes of champagne, handing me one. “I hope so, because the expression you wear when you stare out over her beauty is my favorite, next to the one you wear after I make love to you. Happy, sated, and in love.”
“Yes, to all of the above,” I whispered and clinked glasses with him.
He drank the glass down in one shot and set it in the sand. “I have one more thing I think might help you find wonderment in this place again. Do you want to see it?”
I nodded, setting my glass off to the side. Mattie reached behind the bucket and pulled out a black box, twisting back around on one knee, the box creaking as it opened to reveal a diamond ring. Surprised, I glanced up to see a nervous smile on his face.
“I’ve wanted to ask you a question for a few months, but I was waiting for this,” he explained, holding out the ring. “I had this ring commissioned for you. As you can see—”
“It’s a honeybee,” I whispered, my hands to my mouth.
“It is, and it’s symbolic and beautiful, but not nearly as beautiful as you will be wearing it. By all rights, I shouldn’t be here on my knee asking for your hand in marriage. By all rights, you should be long gone. You should have walked away from my sad, sorry butt years ago, but thank God you didn’t.”
He paused and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in to steady himself. I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and with tears in my eyes reminded him of something. “All of that is gone, remember? We just tossed it into the lake. Leave it there.”
