Page 27 of The German's Guilty Pleasure
“Not this time,” I growled, fatigue turning a spark of anger into a flame.
“Then what is it that makes her a problem?”
“Absolutely everything else,” I answered honestly. “I care about her, but I am still searching for a workaround to some big obstacles. If I find them, you will be the first to know,” I promised, even though I had no intention of telling her first.
She smiled then, relaxed and unforced, but I knew I had not pulled anything over on her. “Sohn, it is time you find happiness in both our business and your bed. Jump over those obstacles if you have to, but do not give up because they seem too hard to overcome. I did that once and look at me now.”
I leaned forward and rested my forearms on the table. “You did what?”
“I let love slip away, and I have suffered every day since. Now, I am destined to remain in the same place forever.”
I rubbed my temple in shock. “I had no idea. I am sorry. Is there any chance you can find him again?”
She patted my hand. “Her.” My eyes widened, and she tipped her head at my reaction. “Now you see the obstacles.”
I leaned back in my chair as if slapped by an unseen hand. Suddenly, I saw everything through a much clearer viewfinder. “You are alesbisch?”
“I do suppose it was time I told you, but I do not want you to think less of me for it, Lars. I am still yourmutter, first and foremost.”
I shook my head slowly while I forced back tears from my eyes. “Why would I think less of you? You raised me alone as a single woman, and even though it all makes sense now, that does not make your devotion and dedication to me any less. You built a wildly successful business in an industry that was never kind to women, much less a gay woman in Germany. My God, you could not even be openly gay in this business in Germany. I wish I had known.”
“Why? Would it have mattered somehow? This is our business.”
“It would have mattered, at least when I was older. It would have helped me understand the empire you built if nothing else.”
She stared me down and finally nodded once. “I will accept that as my mistake, but I was doing what I thought was right. I had to be careful, so it did not come out about myprivatlife. I was working in a country that did not acceptlesbischin the industry. I was protecting all of us.”
“I will accept that as a good enough reason, but I am glad to know. I will never say a word to anyone, and when you need to find acceptance, this is the town you will find it in. Here they say, more love, less hate.”
She nodded with her lips pursed. “Pulse was a tragedy for the LGBTQ community here and all over the world. It brought back so much fear for us from the past,” she admitted, her eyes trained over my shoulder. “That is why I chose Miami. It was my way of, what do they say here? Sticking it to the haters?” I chuckled and nodded once. “A company like this owned by alesbischand bringing big money into the city. That was important to me, but hate is the reason I remain silent.”
I held her hand and sat in silence with her. What she thought about I could not say, but what I thought about was my life from a new perspective. Everything I thought she was had changed with the utterance of a word. “Let me take you there,” I whispered after some time had passed. “Let me take you to the memorial. Less hate, more love.”
She nodded once, tears gathering in her eyes. “I would like that, yes. We go together as a family.”
“Like we always have.” I stood and walked around the table, where I leaned down and hugged her around the shoulders. “Like we always have. I love you,Mutter.”
Eleven
Serenity
I sat on the bed naked and stared into the closet. What do you wear to dinner with your boss and his mother? Or is she also my boss? What do you wear to dinner with your bosses? Especially when they are both the picture of European perfection.
When I met Gretchen this morning, I was immediately taken aback by her beauty. The woman I see on the website every day was someone completely different than the woman I met earlier. She was friendly, loving to everyone she encountered, funny as hell, and ran a hard line on all of it. She laughed and talked business, but she also asked the questions most people in her position wouldn’t even think of, much less care what the answer was. She wanted to know everything from everyone. By the time she got to me, she wanted a stiff drink and a relaxing meeting in the garden, which is precisely what she got.
After we drank and got to know each other a little bit, I walked her through the café with Seth. He wasn’t his usual exuberant self and barely said three words to any question that was asked. He was nervous. It was evident by the way his hands shook whenever he had to answer a question that was sexual in nature, and the way he continually called her ma’am. I could tell she wanted to throttle him, but her poise was unflappable. She had patted his arm and encouraged him to tell her in his own words what his vision was for the café. With my help, we were able to not only get her approval but her gold seal of approval.
She loved the idea of using the catalog to name the drinks. She even loved the satellite idea for a logo. She said Jodie Foster was her favorite actress. I thought that was a little odd considering she was from Germany, but hey, whatever floats her boat. She liked what we wanted to do, and that meant we could move forward with it. It was another thing added to my already busy workload, but once it was up and running, it would take care of itself.
I sighed and drummed my fingers on my thigh. All they said was dinner. They didn’t say where. Casual? Who am I trying to kid? That pair doesn’t do casual. They’re all fancy, all the time. The clock said I only had a few minutes left to pick something and put it on before they expected me. I grabbed my favorite little black dress and let it slide over my head. It was silky, cool, and hugged me in all the right places. You couldn’t go wrong with a little black dress, right?
I grabbed a pair of summer sandals from the closet. The black wedges covered in sequins would add just enough pop. I was glad I had the foresight to get that pedicure the other day. Once in the bathroom, I flicked on the light and gave my hair a once over in the mirror.
“Killing it, Serenity,” I said to the mirror, giving the woman reflected back at me the finger guns. “You can handle dinner with two powerful and overbearing Germans any night of the week!”
I burst out laughing and shut the light off just so I could stop seeing my petrified face in the mirror. I was officially losing my mind. I would like to say I got a lot of sleep last night, but I couldn’t. I didn’t sleep much for multiple reasons. The smallest of which was what Gretchen Jäger was going to think of me. The middle of which was that damned vibrator her son made for me. The biggest of which was her son, his hot kisses and his big … Kontakt.
Since I couldn’t do anything about the smallest or the biggest, I focused my attention on the middlest. I threw it in the drawer as soon as I walked in the apartment, took a shower, drank two wine coolers, and paced for ten minutes before I took it back out of the drawer. I stared at it for ten more minutes then put it back in the drawer. He could forget it. No way was I using an aid he had personally designed for me.
