Page 20 of The German's Guilty Pleasure
As expected, that got her moving. She unbuckled her belt and climbed out of the car in a huff. “Oh, don’t worry, I can prove you wrong in a heartbeat. Steely Dan’s is full of cheap vibrators. While we’re here, we should get you one of those low budget canister strokers. They don’t use an app. If you want a video, you better find yourself some free porn.”
She breezed past me and I let her go. I had to breathe in deeply a few times and force my spine straight, so I did not fall to my knees. Her comment about not coming was making it challenging to stay appropriate. I wanted to say I could make her come without a sensual aid, but mymutter’sdisapproving face loomed in my vision the instant I thought of it. Better to hold my tongue than lose my job. Images reeled through my mind of what my tongue could do to make her come. I groaned, shaking my arms out after I let the door close behind me. The store was dark, and I put a protective hand to her back.
“This place definitely saysschäbig,” I whispered. From what I could see, we were the only ones here. Then I noticed a curtain covered door at the back that smacked of private viewing rooms.
“Oh, it’s definitely seedy, but you’re the one who insisted we come,” she said haughtily. “Would you like to leave?”
“Not until we have what we came for,” I replied casually, stopping next to a display.
I caught a red flash out of the corner of my eye and broke away from her, staring at a display of giant, red, jelly penises. I wrapped my fingers around one and flopped it back and forth in a strange show of sexual deviance. Waving it brought out the scent, which was fake strawberries overlaid on cheap plastic. It had to be over a foot long and so thick my thumb and forefinger did not touch where I grasped it.
“What the hell?” I muttered at the thing while it quivered in my hand.
“What the hell, Lars?” she hissed, coming up behind me.
“That is what I want to know,” I agreed, waiting for her to answer.
“I mean, what the hell are you doing?”
She was plastered the length of me, and I had to admit I liked it way too much. Her curves wrapped around my arm, belly, hip, and thigh like a second skin. I just got a hard-on in a sex shop thinking about this woman being wrapped around me naked. I glanced down right into her beautiful eyes and swallowed back a moan that wanted to escape.Verdammt! She was the sexiest thing in this shop, and she did not even know it.
I gave my wrist a flick and the jelly dong flopped back and forth again. “What is this?”
She snatched it from my hand and set it back on the shelf where it wiggled and jiggled from the balls up. “It’s a Herbert Horsecock,” she whisper-hissed. “Don’t touch things.”
“What is a Herbert Horsecock?” My tongue was thick in my mouth when my eyes caught a glimpse of her perfect cleavage. She was tiny, but her chest was not, and it was all I would ever need in this life.
“Isn’t it self-explanatory?” she asked, her eyes rolling around in her head. “It’s a big, rubber,” she glanced around and leaned in close to my ear, “schwanz.”
I let out a soft snort. “Did you just use the German word for dong, so you did not have to say it? It is okay, Serenity. Are you saying it is a big rubber dong?”
“Shh,” she whispered immediately. “Shouldn’t you already know what it is? You run one of these companies for heaven’s sake!”
I bit my tongue, so laughter did not spill out. Something told me laughing would be a terrible idea. Maybe it was the way her eyes shot daggers at me when she stared me down. “Sugar pie, we do not have, what did you call it? A Herbert Horsecock? We do not have those in our catalog and never will. I do believe those are uniquely American. Everything is bigger and better in America, no?”
“In this case, it’s definitely bigger,” she agreed. “I don’t know about better, though. It looks like it would hurt.”
We both sat staring at it and nodding our heads. “Maybe it is just for display.”
“Like for decoration?”
“Sure,” I agreed, turning my head left and then right, “maybe women use them for … nope … I cannot think of anything.”
She let out the laugh she had been holding in, and her shoulders shook. Her hand was at her mouth to hold it in, but she failed miserably. Soon tears were running down her face. When she caught her breath, she turned and rested her forehead on my chest. “I’m glad I wasn’t the only one without a good use for it.”
I wrapped my arms around her without thought and held her to me. Her soft body was warm and distinctly feminine. “We should find what we came for so we can get dinner beforeMutterarrives.”
She lifted her head and shook it slightly. “We don’t need anything here. I’d probably get electrocuted using one of these.”
I raised one brow at her. “Suddenly, Kontakt’s products are moving up in the world?”
“I never said Kontakt’s products weren’t quality. I said a fifteen-dollar vibrator will do the same thing a fifteen-thousand-dollar one will do.” She dumped her head in her hand. “Verdammt!”
I grasped her hand and pulled her along behind me. “Dammit is right. You almost had me convinced to leave, but now you reminded me of your assumptions, so we stay. It should not be hard to find a fifteen-dollar vibrator here.” We weaved up and down the aisles until we found the display we were looking for. I eyed the price tags and designs. “We are going to start small,” I explained, my eyes searching for just the right one until I spotted it left of center. I lifted it off the hook and held it high above my head like a champion. “You cannot get closer than $14.99. Let us go check out.”
She applied surprising resistance to my hand when I tried to drag her to the counter. “We are not buying that,” she said between clenched teeth. “Didn’t you see the sign? It says they will try each toy to make sure it works.”
I spun on my heel and stared at her. “Why is this a surprise? We hand-test every Kontakt sensual aid. Once you take it home, you cannot return it,” I said, shaking it slightly.
