Page 28 of A Smile Full of Lies
But it also made me feel like I was intruding on something I didn’t fully understand.
I clicked through a few of the creators’ pinned posts. Some were clearly just playing a role and had the disclaimers to prove it. One said,I’m not your boyfriend, your dom, or your personal kink fantasy. I make immersive content. Consume it with respect.
Another creator had a whole video about parasocial boundaries, warning followers not to confuse thirst trap content with real-life intimacy. That one hit harder than I expected, because Ihadfelt something.
I’d felt a hell of a lot more than I cared to admit while chatting with StrayDog777. I felt guilty for feeling it with the masked men on my screen. The throbbing, bone-deep pulse of recognition in my spine hit like a high I couldn’t explain. It left a fucked-up flutter of want behind my ribs.
It wasn’t personal for them. It couldn’t be. But that didn’t stop my body from reacting like itwas.I rubbed my hands over my face and leaned back against the couch.
“I’m not crazy,” I whispered, just to hear the words out loud. “I’m just… wired wrong.”
But even that didn’t feel true because StrayDog777 didn’t think I was wrong. He, or she, or they, or whatever, told me I wasn’t broken.
And worse? Ibelievedthem.
God. What was wrong with me?
I glanced down at the app again and clicked on another video. This one was slower. No voice. Just a masked man moving through a forest — boots on wet leaves, breath curling like smoke, movements calculated and predatory.
The caption said:Run. I dare you.
My thighs clenched again. I clicked out of the video fast.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I pulled my knees up and hugged them to my chest, heart thudding like I’d actually been chased.
I wasn’t even aroused anymore… I wasrattled.
Because thatwasn’tthe right video. Not quite. It was close. It hit the same nerves. But something about it felt… too polished. Like the difference between a movie kiss and the kind that steals your breath in real life.
I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I hadn’t found it yet. I closed the app and stared at the black screen for a long moment, and then I whispered it.
“…what the fuck is happening to me?”
I lay there for a long time after I slammed the laptop shut, breathing shallow while my heart tried to hammer its way out of my chest. My thighs pressed together so tight they ached, and all I could do was stare up at the ceiling and try not to scream into my fucking pillow.
What the hell had StrayDog777 done to me?
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’d used forums like that before, talking to soft-spoken, gentle-voiced anonymous companions meant to ease anxiety or help regulate spirals. They didn’t usually flirt, or provoke. They certainly didn’t… ask things like that.
Would you let me chase you?
My face burned again. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the phantom voice to leave my head, but it didn’t. It was there, dark and steady, echoing like a secret I wasn’t supposed to hear.
Would you let me help make your dark little fantasies come true?
Fuck.
I turned my face into the pillow and groaned. Loud. Pathetic. Completely feral. Could I just make this all go away? I felt like hiding from myself and the rest of the world, while I was at it.
It didn’t work.
Because now I was picturing hands. A body. A man behind the voice. Not just a phantom, anonymous screen name, a bunch of words on a screen and nothing else.
A real man. Strong. Solid. Dangerous in the way I secretly craved.
I pulled up another video and watched it, and yep… the masked thirst trap thing definitely made me thirsty as fuck. I scrolled through the comments underneath the video, and one jumped out at me.
