Page 106 of Magick and Lead
Some little girl part of me believed for half an instant that the words would work magick—that, as in a fairy tale, my confession, my kiss, would bring him back. That he’d stir. That his deep blue eyes would flutter open. That he’d give me a crooked grin and make some wisecrack.
Took you long enough, Princess.
But as I pulled back to look at him once more, the only movement was the ash, blown by the wind. Brushing his cheeks. Catching in his eyelashes. It scattered across his face, as if eager for him to be buried already.
“The wind is ours,” I whispered. But how different the meaning of those words felt now. We had the wind, and that was all. Something that came and kissed you and was gone. We had the wind, and it had brought us together like two floating embers, then whisked us apart again, with no reason, no hope, no meaning. We had the wind, a summer breeze that slipped through your fingers even as you tried to catch hold of it. That turned cold when winter came and chilled you to the bone.
We had the wind. We had nothing.
I should cry. Sob. Scream.
But that part of me was dead now.
Essa the girl in love was dead. Now there was only Essa the ruthless. Essa the Irska. Essa the queen.
I felt only emptiness, a hollow so vast it could swallow the seas and mountains and stars—everything.
I wished I could cry, could let this pain screaming inside me out. But I couldn’t, even as I felt it building from a breeze into a whirlwind.
My fingers wrapped around the grip of my sword, and I slowly rose and turned back to the vampyres and soldiers arrayed around me. Something, maybe the expression on my face, made most of them step back, brandishing their weapons. Only the one called Langford stood his ground, and Kitty, who watched the scene with a stricken, frozen expression.
Essa,Othura prompted again, and I felt her nudge me with her snout. To my left, I saw a half-dozen golenae rampaging toward us, along with a score of infantrymen. She nudged me again, harder.
Then I was moving, planting a foot on Othura’s knee, boosting myself onto her back and into the saddle. I felt utterly empty as she spread her wings, pumped them, and took flight…
…As the sounds of mayhem and death diminished below, as I left my lover behind, as I left behind the girl I was for the woman I was destined to be, as we passed from the land of automobiles and street cars and jazz music into a gauzy veil of cloud. Gods, I felt numb as a ghost, numb as a phantom.
Numb as a silver wraith.
Othura aimed us for Maethalia. I clutched onto her, the cold wind stinging my eyes, my heart dead in my chest.Oh, Charlie.But I did not turn back. I didn’t so much as look over my shoulder. No queen could afford the luxury of a backward glance. Or feelings. Or love. I should have known better.
Instead, I kept my eyes upon the horizon as Mother and Auntie Dreya had always taught me. I flew on until pallid dawn burned upon the edges of the east. And I left Charlie behind.
49
KITTY
Kitty stood alone among the drifting ash.
Langford had felt the psychic tug of summoning from Prelate Kortoi and went in search of a quiet place to scry and communicate with him. The other agents had followed him like shadows. The soldiers, likewise, had received other orders and trotted off, leaving Kitty forgotten.
Battle still raged all around, rampaging monsters and running soldiers, booms of artillery and pops of gunshots filling the smoke-laden air. But it all seemed to flow around Kitty, as if the spot she stood in were hallowed. Or perhaps they all considered a waif of a blonde woman insignificant in their battles for world domination.
She stared down at Charlie.
Oh, Charlie.
How had it come to this? Sure, dating him had been an assignment from Langford, at first. The task was to keep an eye on the national hero, keep him in line, make sure he didn’t fall to the wiles of some other girl—someone subversive. Oh, how she’d failed at that. The way the Maethalian queen had looked at him made that perfectly clear. It also explained why he’d rebuffed her advances since returning home from his time across the sea.Charlie had fallen for Essaphine. He had betrayed Kitty. And yet, it could never compare to the ways in which she’d betrayed him.
This was the ultimate letdown, she supposed. He was dead.
If she had a heart anymore, it would be breaking for him. But she had died once, too. And when she had, that mortal piece of her had changed, like a piece of wood burning to char. Becoming something else. Something black and brittle. She felt nothing for Charlie now. She hadn’t for a long time—if ever.
And yet…
She glanced off in the direction Langford had gone. This was the way with him. Other business would take his attention, and he’d stride off without a word, leaving her forgotten. But he’d always be back when he needed her again, like a worker picking up a useful tool.
He was gone. But he’d never leave her alone forever.
